huitzil

Instead of journaling, which has always seemed impossible to me, i've decided to make short stories out of important events that have recently happened to me, it's sort of fiction and mostly fact either way i'd like feedback on the style and or how much sense it made. Thanks.

Falling Out and Falling Down

“You try to impress everyone, all the time. It gets annoying.”
Sometimes I wondered if I was doing the right thing. There were only brief moments this summer I spent being myself. It never really bothered me until then.
“Oh.”
I had no response that wasn’t a lie.
She was sitting uncomfortably close to the ledge. Precipice, I called it. She shot me a look that said, “See what I mean?”
Our friendship seemed impossibly easy before then, like every other relationship. I was enclosed in myself, and I liked it that way.
In the weeks before our friendship had somehow lost it’s footing and now I saw it sliding away, and I wasn’t going after it.
“Sometimes it seems like you’re embarrassed by me.”
I stopped myself from saying ‘oh’ again and kept staring at the ocean. It was more beautiful than I had ever noticed it, like it changed when I looked away. A fleeting pang of nostalgia rolled over me as I thought about leaving for the east coast in the fall. I’d never say it out loud, but some part of me would always miss southern California.
“Well, yeah, no, I mean, can’t we still be friends even if I think you act weird sometimes?” My words sounded lame, but I got the feeling that at this point silence would be worse. I hated knowing that the conversation would continue this way, stuttering and incomplete and never really saying what it needed to, which was, I don’t exactly know. I was embarrassed by her, by the way she acted, the way she talked, by this point I even started to cringe at the way she ate. The worst part was I had no rational reason. But it wasn’t all the time. There had been a point in my life when she was the only person I could have an honest conversation with, and now, we were reduced to fractured, general statements and neither of us could explain why our friendship had broken so completely and so quickly.
Far away at the base of the cliff the waves rolled in and couples and tourists wandered through the restaurants and gift shops that lined the harbor. Everything felt heavy and insignificant. And at that moment the combination seemed to make sense.

Knocking

I like the style. It was an unusual way to start but the questions in my head were quickly answered to my satisfaction (at least, the immediate beginning ones.) Is this the whole short story? It seems like the beginning of a longer one and you've got me hooked...if you were interested in continuing it. Good work, it made sense and I related to it as well. Keep writing!

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"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

--John Keating, Dead Poets Society

huitzil

Yeah, I want it to be one part of a story, or really just a group of loosely related short stories, thanks for the comment!

Triquediqual

Yep, I liked this a lot and would definitely read the rest of it if you post it.

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