thedreamweaver

Ideas, thoughts, imagination: three key requirements for a narrative and they were all missing. They were all scattered around his mind like sheep in a meadow, except Derek had no dog to round them up.

A crackling fire (does it have to be 'crackling'? a bit cliche perhaps?) lay straight in front of him, holding dancing flames and crumbling briquettes. It kept dragging his attention away from the blank sheet of paper sitting on his lap and making him doze off, (which was not an option) is that bit necessary?. This was his last night before departing back into his busy life. The stress would be heaped back onto his back once more. This sentence doesn't really flow; repetition of 'back' makes it a bit clumsy. I think you could cut the first 'back', it'd be ok then.

Derek shook his head again and glued his eyes to the paper in front of him. ‘Focus,’ he told himself, automatically jamming his pen in between his teeth. ‘This will be your last chance for a good while before you get an opportunity to start something.’

Perhaps if he had a laptop with him it would be easier, but no, just him, a sofa, a blank sheet of a paper and an annoying fire. If only it wasn’t so cold in the house. It had a huge draft running through the entire house. Derek, realising his doze-off, jabbed himself in the arm with his pen. He already 'jammed the pen in between his teeth', is a further pen action needed? He was really getting angry at himself now. He needed to pour something onto the page.

More thoughts flooded his mind, but they worried him. Was he forcing himself too much to write? With his experience he knew when writing was good and when writing was bad, and he knew that if he wrote with his current drive – which was very low – it would be poor.

The fire was dying, only a few flames were left. Derek lifted himself up and dropped another briquette in. The flames burst up, making him flinch. When he looked back at the fire a very different feeling overwhelmed him. It was alive. The dancer was now giving him ideas, giving him thoughts, lighting up his imagination. It was all rushing in at once, and Derek was having trouble keeping them all in. I thought he wanted to let them out?

Derek snatched at his sheet and began spilling his imagionation onto the page, his pen moving at graet speed. He never thought that the very distraction to him could actually be the thing to break the wall in his mind.
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thedreamweaver

Overall, good, though.

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Funkeh

Wow, I've been inactive here. I was on holidays in Spain, which explains it. Thanks, Dream, very much appreciated!

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Sevenx

I really love your opening line, it caught my attention immediately.

I also know that this concept, of turning actual writers block into some variation of a story, is a hard thing to actually turn into a good story, and I think you have done a great job starting it.

Good work

Sevenx

Oh I also loved how you correlated the sudden second wind the fire got with a burst of knowledge. Really cool

Funkeh

Thanks very much! It's those kind of comments that make my day and keep me going. Very much appreciated!

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