adela

Those blue eyes, with that hint of smoky grey which made them all the more entrancing always seemed to find their way right into my soul. I was captivated every time he looked at me. It had been years since I first felt butterflies fluttering inside of my stomach and even longer since he and I first met.

We sat alone in the room, both wrapped up in blankets as the day got brighter outside the windows. I was reminded of the time we laid near each other in the darkness late one night. I held his hand and we talked until we fell asleep, it was heaven.

Over the years we had come so far and been through so much together. We both had had our share of ups and downs and we had been there for each other through every single one of them. He never left my side despite the problems I faced or the mistakes I continued to make. I knew I could always turn to him. I could tell him anything that was racing through my mind or weighing on my heart. I could count on him. For once in my life, I trusted someone entirely. I always tried the best I could to support him. I wanted to provide him with a shoulder to cry on and with the same haven I felt he always offered me.

He was my first love; there is no doubt in my mind. No one made me as happy as he did. No one made me laugh as much as he did. No one made me feel as wonderful as he did. He was perfect; the world was perfect when I was with him.

I looked over at him and smiled. He was looking out the window, waiting for his ride to come and pick him up. Everyone else had already left after spending the night for my birthday. It was nice to be alone with him. Being around him always made memories flash through my mind of times we spent together: field trips, long bus rides, whispering in the back of class as the teacher droned on, going out to dinner, taking walks and driving around just to talk. Every single minute together presented more opportunities to enjoy each other’s company and to find things to talk about and share. Sitting in that quiet room was no different, and soon we found ourselves revisiting a topic which we were very familiar with: us.

Us, what a peculiar word. Is it used solely to describe another person and oneself? At certain times is it meant to mean more? A couple? Family? Or simply friends? The meaning of “us” was always cloudy with him and me.

The conversation began the same way it always did.

“What if…”

Another interesting phrase; what if? Everyone is guilty of succumbing to the many questions and thoughts proposed by this expression at least once in there life. Me, well you could say that I was addicted to such questions.

I knew what was coming, we had had this same conversation many times and it never seemed to alter. By now, my smile faltered and the encompassing sense of serenity diminished.

A car horn sounded outside of the house and he peered to ensure that it was indeed for him. It was my good friend waiting in that car. It was his girlfriend. We stood up together and as he gathered his things and approached the door, I wrapped my arms around him in the same warm hug I always received from him.

“You know I love you, that will never change.” I whispered while in his embrace. He let go of me and opened the door. I peaked outside and waved to that lucky girl whom he always cast his gaze.

Before he closed the door, he turned to me and said “I would have said yes.”

That right there, that hard-hitting line was how our “us”, our “what if” conversations always ended. Let me elaborate. He and I have never been a couple. Our “us” means friendship, no matter how big a part of me wanted that to change. We are best friends, that’s for sure and I love him. I think that most everyone has that one person whom they would give almost anything to be with. He’s that person in my life.

He knew for the longest time of my feelings for him. I knew he knew, and all of our friends knew. They all kept saying “Just ask him out”, “What’s the worse that could happen”, “What do you have to lose”, yet I never did. What did I have to lose? Him. He was my best friend. My friendship with him meant the world to me and I was so afraid of losing that.

After some time, my best girl friend fell for him, and he fell right back. I remember how much it hurt that day when I finally realized we wouldn’t be together. “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers” is what my mother had said to me many times, trying to ease the pain. It was hard to believe that God wouldn’t want me to have something I wanted so much.

I came to accept it however; I was around the two of them almost daily. I witnessed how happy they were, and despite the part of me that was crushed each and every time I saw them together, another part of me just wanted to see him happy, to see him okay, and he was.

We often spoke of what would have happened if I had taken that chance, threw aside my inhibitions, and let go the fears of failure and rejection. The answer was always the same:

“I would have said yes.”

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NedRyerson

It did too much telling and not really enough showing for my taste. There's definetly a story there, but telling it this way is a little too direct. A good job of misdirection in the beginning leading us onto thinking it was the narrator's boyfriend, but after that it was too blunt. As well I noticed a few grammatical errors that a good proof-reading would iron out. Overall, not bad but needs some refinement.