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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
07-08-2007, 12:17 AM
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#31
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,397
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THAT sounds like it came straight out of Bukowski.
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What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"
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07-08-2007, 12:20 AM
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#32
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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I don't know whether I feel like a fuck you or a thanks...
thanks, for the encouragement.
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07-08-2007, 12:23 AM
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#33
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,397
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Again, meant it in the best of ways. One madman to another.
__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"
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07-08-2007, 12:25 AM
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#34
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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On the edge, are we?
A compliment like no other, mate.
I've written a couple more things you might like, and sorry for having them cover your work...
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07-08-2007, 04:56 PM
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#35
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,397
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No problem. And you touched on 1/4 of the meaning of my net-pseudonym. Nice.
__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"
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07-08-2007, 05:34 PM
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#36
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In the shadow of the rain.
Gender: Female
Posts: 541
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[quote=German Voodoo]Too many tears, the bad part about loving someone, or wanting to love them. Always, moisture stinging, staining your vision. Happy, sad, furious. Always weeping from some emoting parasite in your brain, pissing out your eyes.
How do you know this? I'm shaking my head in disbelief that someone your age can understand this. Many times in my life I've realised that I'm not thinking about someone as much as I used to; the sadness I've felt when I've tried to evoke those emotions, but to no avail. But I wasn't as young as you when I realised I was doing it.
Your writing displays a knowledge far beyond your years on this planet.
I think I'm not saying want I want, but I'm also thinking you understand more than I'm saying.
Bloody well done IMO.
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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.
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07-08-2007, 06:11 PM
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#37
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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Thank you, Fossy, I'm glad this piece received so many good reviews, I certainly didn't expect it.
Thank you all.
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07-08-2007, 08:42 PM
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#38
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Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
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I cried when I died and still drew misery. I thought death brought relief.
Brilliant.
So many perfect lines that I would have killed to have written. Do you write songs? Are you a musician? There were moments in the reading that brought me that physical "thump" that I get from perfect music.
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07-08-2007, 08:44 PM
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#39
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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No, i can't write a song for shit, leave that to Thamior.
I don't know, I just get these lines in my head and I have to out them. Sometimes, I think, it cheapens the piece.
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07-08-2007, 08:57 PM
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#40
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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Thank you, word, it's nice to write something that felt good, and receive good thoughts.
thanks again.
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07-08-2007, 09:09 PM
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#41
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Maryland, USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 67
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Jesus christ that was intense.
You killed the wording in this like it was nobody's business. Very good language.
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07-08-2007, 09:10 PM
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#42
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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How do you mean, killed the language?
Was it hard to get?
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07-08-2007, 09:13 PM
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#43
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Maryland, USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 67
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No, you killed the language, meaning you nailed it; used it perfectly.
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07-08-2007, 09:14 PM
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#44
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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Ah, thank you.
It's sad, though, that I can't put some of this feeling into my dryer work, it could benefit.
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07-08-2007, 11:00 PM
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#45
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Columbus, Ohio, US
Gender: Male
Posts: 283
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by German Voodoo
I hope not to become one who writes silly gibberish and makes the reader say it's too deep for them to understand, so it must be good.
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Funny you should say that--it's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this.
There's real genius in your writing, which is something that most people can't touch. But you're smothering it with too many metaphors, albeit sweeping, creative ones. It all seems like a lot of parlor tricks--smoke and mirrors, if you will.
There are other ways to make your writing powerful--ways that don't fly over the heads of readers.
Not saying you should pander to the masses, of course. But a little straight-forwardness from time to time could do you a world of good. Take some of those metaphors and frame them with simpler, direct language, and you'll have something that will be just as powerful, but without the confusion.
Or, just convert what you've written into poetry. Not a stretch at all in this case.
I hesitate to use the word potential, because that would give the impression that I don't think you're already an outstanding writer. But when I read your stuff, I always come away with the feeling that you're a few frustrating years, months, whatever, away from reaching a completely different level of writing.
Though you're not there yet, I've no doubt you will be in the near future. |
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