SecretSam

Jack got up that "lazy" sunday and instead of getting in the shower he walked downstairs into the kitchen. He made a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. He went through the mail and got up to get his check book, black pen, letter opener and stamps. Jack sat down and began the process of paying the bills. He took another sip of his coffee and muttered to himself "Lazy Sunday my ass!"

SecretSam

well, I thought it was good...

Johnna

It's a cute little piece, and it rings true. I'd shorten some of the sentences, i.e., "Jack got up that "lazy" sunday and instead of getting in the shower he walked downstairs into the kitchen." might be changed to, "Jack got up that "lazy" sunday (You might insert how he felt--was he refreshed after a night of sleep? Did he have a hangover?). Instead of getting in the shower, he walked downstairs into the kitchen." It just seems to me that shorter sentences work better for shorter pieces. I'd also take the quotes out from around "lazy" in the beginning. Other than that, it's good.

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SecretSam

Why thank you! Someone read my story! You make a lot of good points there friend!

Johnna

No problem.

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