His Beautiful Eyes (559 words) - Writers Forum

elizabeth_472 · 07-02-2007, 09:34 AM

Hi. This story is completely true. The only thing is, I am not sure if this quite fits into the story category. Tell me what you think.

His Beautiful Eyes

Those were the two most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Me. A teenage girl. And him. A man who looked more juvenile than manly. We were in the waiting room of the dentist office. I saw those eyes and kept sneaking glances at them, hoping he wouldn’t notice, but at the same time not really caring if he did. He didn’t. Those two beautiful eyes kept staring straight at a magazine. It was a Time magazine. On the cover was a picture of JFK and it said ‘What we learned from JFK’, or something to that extent. I wasn’t really paying attention to the magazine because I was bewitched by his eyes.

They were the two most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. It is ridiculous to think that two round circles with dots in their middles could be so extraordinarily beautiful, but his were. I have never believed that eyes could be as beautiful as words try to describe until now, and if you’ve never seen such beautiful eyes, you probably won’t believe me either. There is no possible way I can describe his eyes sufficiently, but I must try.

His beautiful eyes were big and watery. I could not look at them without feeling like crying. I do not remember their color. I seem to think they were gray, but perhaps that is only because they were so mournful. Staring at the paper in front of me as I write, I can see his eyes, or what I remember of them. Tomorrow, I may see less of them. In time, I imagine, I will not be able to see his eyes at all. Oh, how when I saw those eyes for the first time, I had wished for a camera to take their picture! And how I still long for that camera and for a time machine to take me back to that dentist office!

Is it superficial attraction, though? I hope not! I have been taught that inner beauty is all that matters, which is a principal I strongly believe in. Then why am I attracted to beautiful things? I am certain there are other eyes, less beautiful, that are just as good as his. One can see just as well out of an ugly eye as one can see out of a beautiful eye. And an ugly eye can belong to a good man as a beautiful eye can belong to a bad man. Beauty is not angelic nor is ugliness satanic. Oh, but attraction is not a sin! Let me indulge in the memory of those beautiful eyes, only because it brings me so much joy.

I wonder what the man who those beautiful eyes belonged to would think if he knew how much time I have spent thinking about his eyes, that I actually put pencil to paper and wrote about his eyes, preserving the memory of his eyes in order to summon it later, again and again. Would he be flattered? Or would he be disturbed? Or might he be a mixture of both?

Nevertheless, it is my sweet secret, a secret about him that he will never know.

My dentist calls my name and she takes me to clean my teeth, and although I never see those eyes again, I imagine them and think about them. A lot.

Azmakna · 07-02-2007, 10:00 AM

i'll read this when the title inspires me too.

elizabeth_472 · 07-02-2007, 06:22 PM

What?

Are you saying you don't like the title? Well, I don't really like it either, but I can't think of a better one. Do you have any suggestions.

trigger · 07-02-2007, 06:49 PM

I think that the man with the pretty eyes is a vampire that screws cats and dogs.

elizabeth_472 · 07-02-2007, 07:25 PM

Trigger, do you have any advice or feedback to give about my story?

Fossy · 07-02-2007, 07:34 PM

Well Elizabeth I think that this just prooves you can get inspiration anywhere to write a story. I thought it was wonderful how you fell in love with his eyes. Can I just give one little suggestion tho'? How about leaving out the word 'beautiful'? perhaps even in the title. Just a thought.

PS I actually fell in love with this guy too! hee hee.

elizabeth_472 · 07-02-2007, 10:06 PM

Thanks Fossy!

Voodoo · 07-02-2007, 10:08 PM

I'm not liking my own work lately, so I know I've written something like this, but it focuses too much on one thing. but, if it were a true story, I can't say what you felt.

His eyes sound kickass.

Johnna · 07-02-2007, 11:00 PM

I agree with Fossy. The word "beautiful" is pretty redundant here. I suggest using some synonyms or removing the word in a few spots where it doesn't need to be used. As for the title, you might want to consider removing "his" or "beautiful" or both. Other than that, this is good, I know exactly where you're coming from.

elizabeth_472 · 07-02-2007, 11:10 PM

Thanks for the feedback.