Diverse

He sat down at a desk full of papers, a coffee stain leaving a ring of guilt that sat alone on the small pile of manila envelopes. He licked his pen tip, giving it a quick thrust in the air, hoping the ink would rush to it's rightful place; as his heart failed to do. He sighed, continuing on with his hate letter.

'What do you see in me? What mist do you see departing from this injured figure; who required only the positive energy from you, and no one else. Why have you treated me as garbage, when you knew for a fact I was one of the few men who actually loved you. Who could actually satisfy myself being with you without laying one finger at you. I do not recall ever bellowing any rude nor profanities towards you. I can swear on the blood of the ones above that that was what every women desired: for her to fall into mature love, because we all know romantic love isn't what we fall for nowadays. But you. You seemed to have that romantic spark to you.

You loved the idea of me, and not the true side of me. All I ever asked from you was to love me for me and only me. How hard is it to simplify your love, and dim it down, focusing it on one particular person? Seems to me to be horrendously hard for you, my love. I miss the days when all I had to do was touch you, or send a faint whisper into your ear. That would dignify our senses, and often times leave you in weakness. Pure weakness that idolized you upon me.

God knows, my dear, I tried my hardest to make you the most of my prized possessions. But it wasn't good enough! You threw me so far away, for my wings could not convalesce in the quickest of time! For the worst part, you abandoned me; comparing me to an old shack that could have seen better days. For what purpose? For what reason, if in fact there were any? I asked you to trust me the most. Trust me never hurting you. Never. But hell, what can I say? You are just an imbecile who doubts her own mind, her own spirit! Trusting me would have been one of the easiest of them all!

You've tried to take the best of this weary man; who's bones ache with high tensions of finding, once again, true love. If... there is any such thing.. You're nothing but a mere sunshine who has not seen brighter days. And you are unworthy of being anything more in life than what you have already become: a hoax. A hoax who knows of better words. But, my dear, it seems to me you will always have this word: HOAX as a stigma. Trust me.

With hate,
Stabler'

He folded the letter, sticking it in the envelope that held tight the coffee stain of guilt. Grinning, he stuck a stamp onto the manila envelope, starring upon the haze of the heart-shaped figure.

__________________
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: The boys pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female..

Voodoo

A couple grammatical problems-

continueing on with his hate letter.

continuing is misspelled.

"who's intentions were to get your attention?"

thats not quite right. I suggest, "Who lavished such lush energy for you, no one else?"

"a mere fact I was one of the few men"

Saying a mere fact disables the climax of the sentence. it removes the importance of act over opinion in this context.

Be careful with your semicolons, they're a pitfall for me as well...

"God knows I tried my dear hardest "

Either : God knows, my dear, I tried my hardest,

or : God knows I invested such dear effort into your smiles, the flickers of your soul

Other than that, tighten up the letter into a better format, and make sure each sentence connects with the one who came before it.

I liked some of the word usage in this one, Diverse. But make something cheerful for a change, I'm sure you've a lovely smile.

Mallignamius

My turn! My turn!

"a ring of unforgivness"
unforgiveness

"He sat down, his desk full of papers."
He sat down at a desk full of papers.
-Perhaps this is smoother?

"Nor did I spit any connote nor profanities towards you."
-"Connote" is a verb. Maybe you meant "connotations."
-"Nor" is used twice.

"who's bones ache with high tentions"
whose, tensions

"You're nothing but a mere sunshine whos has not seen brighter days."
"whos has" -Try "who's not seen" or "who has not seen"

"coffe" should be spelled "coffee"

"Grinning he stuck a stamp that contained a heart on as it's face, wondering what what his lost lover woul think..."
Grinning, he stuck a stamp that contained a heart on as its face, wondering what his lost lover would think...
-Corrected, but this wording is still awkward.

And a cheerful change, yes. I agree. Watch how much brighter the world becomes when we change what we think and do.

Paige Turner

it was somewhat spellbinding to me. i did notice some errors, but except for a few, i went ahead and read them into the story because i'm not learned enough to know whether or not they were taboo or merely mistakes. and guess what? the piece worked for me. it did have that elizabethean/shakespearean era flair to it. i imagined collin firth reading it outloud to himself, then folding the letter with a maniacal (sp ck) grin on his face.
i like your work.

__________________



i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

Voodoo

Just reformat the verse, correct the grammar and spellings, slightly refine the flow, and it'll be fine, Diverse.

Mallignamius

See, the problem is he didn't mention any hammers.

Seriously, once you polish it up, then you should print it up and slide it in with your best writings. It would be a nice addition to a diverse, colorful collection.

LydiaJ

Aside for some awkward sentences and small spelling mistakes, this is a very nice story.
And you know, even though others have told you to be more cheerful, I think that writers have to express their feelings in some way, and the fact that you are expressing yours through a story is great.
You can really feel the emotion in this story. I liked it.

Yeah, that's all I have to say

__________________
Current works:

Butterfly

A Hopeful Beginning

Perfection

(Blog:

BonesofaJones)

Diverse

Thank you all for your inputs. Yeah, the errors really didn't fret me much, cause it was originally on the Space and I was in a rush. But yeah, I'll fix em' and what not.

Thanks much!!!

__________________
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: The boys pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female..

Voodoo

Anytime you need anything with your writing, love.

Diverse

I have taken the time to make a few changes, and I must say, it even smells better!!!!

<(-.-<) <(-.-)> (>-.-)> <(-.-)> (\(-.-)/)

__________________
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: The boys pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female..

Voodoo

You loved the idea of me, but not the true side of me. All I ever asked from you was to love me for me and only me. How hard is it to simplify your love, and dim it down, focusing it on one particular person? Seems to me to be horrendously hard for you, my love. I miss the days when all I had to do was touch you, or send a faint whisper into your ear. That would dignify our senses, and often times leave you in weakness. Pure weakness that idolized you upon me.

The parts in bold of that paragraph were either suggestions or problems.

I loved dignify our senses, leave you in weakness. That was great.

I sense this man is in remorseful remembrance with his hate letter. Not hatred.

Hatred is not refined. It does not say "my love."

It shivers with itself. The tone of the story is still an issue, love.

Diverse

Yee!!

I know, I know... but I want a difficult tone in this passage. It's what I've been aiming for. It let my brother read it, he said the same thing: 'The tone is all you have to work on'

'My love' I set that to be find of sarcastic, you know? Like he wants to play mind-games with her, knowing that's what it takes for reality to hit her.

__________________
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: The boys pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female..

Voodoo

Okay, let me have a crack at it, maybe. Look down below.

Voodoo

With precision born of resigned fury, the pen laid down its numbing runes onto the paper.

Any true endeavor has casualties. Risks, to define the virtue. Qualms. But my journey, my trip to the bottom of the cliff, was frought with risks, qualms. Wih you.

I held you, my starlight, slipping between my fingers, into other agents of the night. My love was cast away for you, bastardized into something less, impure. Tainted with others' love, other's joy.

You cannot find my regret anywhere, however. Its been lost, for i left it with you, to ponder your deeds, and my loss...

Diverse

That was nice. It was. But I can't say that would do me any good, because for me to change any tone, I might have to change the whole thing...

Which is devastating... yeee..

__________________
Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.
Ratchet: The boys pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female..