Trust Me [AHL #1] - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Voodoo · 06-23-2007, 11:00 AM

Now, with hatred: if only a snapshot.

I was rewarded with such base reprieve at your loss, timeless that. I hate you, your glimmer in my mind. Such memories cut me, dash at me, hold me down, as if under water. the water I drank with you, the water I bathed with you in, the water I kissed you with, left in you. Sacrilege, all of it, and none the richer.

Despiseably Yours, you bitch.

Diverse · 06-23-2007, 11:05 AM

But I would LOVE to consider this!

Quote:

Originally Posted by German Voodoo

I held you, my starlight, slipping between my fingers, into other agents

Agents find of threw me off, however

of the night. My love was cast away for

I'm sure you meant from?

you, bastardized into something less,

The comma isn't needed here, or am I missing something?

impure. Tainted with others' love, other's joy.

The rest is great. I really would consider this..

Diverse · 06-23-2007, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by German Voodoo

Now, with hatred: if only a snapshot.

I was rewarded with such base reprieve at your loss, timeless that. I hate you, your glimmer in my mind. Such memories cut me, dash at me, hold me down, as if under water. The water I drank with you, the water I bathed with you in, the water I kissed you with, left in you. Sacrilege, all of it, and none the richer.

Despiseably Yours, you bitch.

This is so retro!!!!

Oh wow, I like this part in bold...

Which way would you suggest? Should this be more on the hate side or mind-playing side?

Voodoo · 06-23-2007, 11:24 AM

If you can manage an intelligent hatred, do them both. Just use simple imagery that commands attention, with using a diction that would be accessed if a person were angry, and feeling it.

And now, I think I see that this ia a series?

Diverse · 06-23-2007, 11:30 AM

Some what- a difference between the hate letters and love episode, yeah it is..