Noir Detective pastiche/loving parody - Writers Forum

MaoTheCat · 06-20-2007, 11:38 AM

This was written in about half an hour, because I'm really really bored.

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The State

I sat in my office, chewing the toothpick from the ninety-nine cent lunch I'd left cold on my desk seven hours ago. Staring out the window, I took the time to watch the miserable evening rain beat down on my window like a million black and dirty tear streaks on the face of the crying woman that was Chicago. It was easy for a guy to take time when he had all of the world's as his own. No cases, no leads, not a thing to be done and the rent was due.

Then she walked in. A striking woman with a face no man could forget. She had a strut that said 'I don't care what kinda fella you think you are or oughta be, but I'm gonna make a buck from you either way and there's nothing you can do about it.' Her stare was one mean one, and though she looked like the kinda dame that you could see running up and down the tables at deVito's midnight diner, she had hands that you just knew could clean your clock.

I leaned forward on my desk, reaching into my deep but annoyingly empty trenchcoat pocket and pulling out a creased pack of smokes.
"Cigarette or shall we just cut to the business?"
She sat down and placed her bag on my pitted wooden desk, neatly tucking it in between two piles of yellowing newspapers, and waved my offer away.
"Just the business honey, and you know them things is bad for ya."
I pulled one from the pack for myself and stuck it between my teeth, searching my drawer for a match to light it with.
"Maybe I likes the things in life that're bad for me. Just like my booze, my food and my dames." I exhaled a cloud of sweet Carolina into the creaky fan above me. "But I know your type missy, and you definitely ain't no good for me. You're the kind who just wants business, no strings attached and no questions asked."
"You read me like a book."
"So tell me, what's this job gonna be like?"
She looked from side to side.
"A real dirty one Joey. It might take some time."
"I can live with that."
"I mean it. It's gonna need a full working over, no punches pulled with a lotta physical work and a whole lotta," she coughed, "Cleaner"
I shrugged and took another puff.
"What're we talkin' money-wise?"
"We'll say fifty dollars a day."
"Kinda steep for a guy like me though ain't it? Disgraced cop runnin' his own Private Eye business out of a cardboard box like this."
"Hey, I calls 'em as I sees fit. Unless of course, you don't want me around..."

I thought hard about this. It'd been such a long time, and now the opportunity presented itself, I'd be a fool not to take her up on it.

"Fine, you got yourself a deal moll. When can you start?"
"How's Monday sound?"
"Great, great, well the mop's over there and I've got a broom sitting at home I can bring in. Can't wait to see this place neat and tidy again!"

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M.

MusicSoundsBetterWithYou · 06-21-2007, 01:22 AM

i like the way you wrote it. yeh it's abit rushed but it's a nice read. I'd like to see you continue the story ^_^