Kyrie

This a children's story I wrote a long while ago, so don't expect a big literary break-out. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

~Big Tiger, Little Dragon~

Once there was a Little Tiger living in a bamboo forest. Papa Tiger brought him food everyday and Mama Tiger told him stories every night. Mama Tiger often told him of dragons that were the natural enemy of tigers, and how he should never turn his back on one as he would instantly be eaten.

The Little Tiger eventually grew into a Big Tiger but had yet to find a dragon in the bamboo forest. One day he spotted something that looked like a snake but it had tiny legs on it's sides, being the most fearsome animal in the forest, the Big Tiger asked him.

"What are you? A snake?"

"Why of course not, sir. I'm a little dragon."

The Big Tiger was surprised, but not afraid. It was just a Little Dragon and he was a Big Tiger that would not manage to fit in his tiny stomach. Deciding to ignore the Little Dragon, the Big Tiger continued his way. But unbeknownst to him, as soon as he left the Little Dragon behind, he opened his now not-so-tiny jaws and swallowed the Tiger whole. The Little Dragon decided that Tigers were just too stupid if they didn't believe he couldn't eat them, he was, after all, a dragon.

__________________

rachiesmif

I thought this was great! It made me laugh at the end. I could just imagine the expression on the Little Dragon's face after he'd eaten the Big Tiger, all smug and cheesy. And the Big Tiger just thought he was better than the Little Dragon. hehe.

I would read this story to my little sister, she's 3, and I think she'd like it.

Good work.

Rachiesmif.

blackthorn

That's an odd children's story....Is there a moral to it? Or isn't it done? If not, post more. If that was it.....Then...I think you should add more.

rydenthorne

That was really cute and funny at the end... It's pretty Grimm in the telling with the eating of the tiger, but I don't think that takes anything away from it.

__________________
Chapter 7: A Woven Blade
Chapter 16: Battle of Whitehorse Ridge

rachiesmif

I think this story has a moral. Never underestimate people, or think you are better than them, or they are incapeable.

The Big Tiger obviously looked at the Little Dragon and mocked him, thinking there was no threat. Big Tiger thought he was cleverer and stronger than Little Dragon, just because he was bigger.

Oh, and listen to your parents!! hehe. They did warn Big Tiger, if only he had listened!

Rachiesmif

sierra alpha

I liked this, too, it's really quite sweet. I'm gonna nitpick about a few things though...

[1] 'Its' shouldn't have an apostrophe. Also, I don't think you need to say 'on its sides' at all, it makes the sentence feel a little clumsy. I think it's enough to say it just has legs, we can all imagine where a dragon's legs are.
[2] Punctuation goes a bit crazy here. Should read:
'but it had tiny legs. Being the most fearsome animal in the forest, the Big Tiger asked him, "What are you? A snake?"

[3] The subject isn't clear here. Who is the 'he'? Common sense tells us it's the dragon, but the confusion detracts from the smoothness of the story. I'd be tempted to change it to:
'as soon as he turned his back, the Little Dragon opened his not-so-tiny jaws...'
[4] Punctuation again:
'if they didn't believe he couldn't eat them. He was, after all, a dragon.'

That's all, and just my suggestions! It's such a neat little story I think it's a shame not to tidy up the grammatical bits and pieces...

__________________
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings.

Kyrie

Thank you everyone for your comments!!

I know the grammar needs some work, but this is the original unrevised version, the final version had better grammar and a lot more written, but I should have checked it a bit more for mistakes, sorry.

As for blackthorn's comment, I didn't write this with a moral in mind, but if you can find it then it's there.

__________________