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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 06-17-2007, 02:03 AM   #1
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Moonlight.

Flap….Flap…Flap. The moon is high in the dark blue sky; its luminescent color lights the ground. LJ is using this to his advantage. “Come fight me in the open Angel!” A demon yelled standing in an open field of a forest wearing a set of red monk robes. He was standing on a tree branch in the darkness. “He is in the open…I have to strike swiftly so that he doesn’t know.”
He jumps from the branch and pulls a long katana from the shadows. He lands on the soft grass and he runs swiftly behind him. The demon turns around but LJ hits his side. Blood spills on the ground but then he is gone. “Fucking Angel….time to release the limit,” The demon yelled holding his hands on his chest. There was a rumble then the open field was lit with a green flash. LJ smiled and then he attacks again. He swings the blade at his neck but the demon deflects it and grabs LJ by his neck. “Your black robes are nothing now. I can see you in the darkness.”

LJ tries to move but nothing he is firmly in place. The demon pulled an oak staff out and then he swung it at LJ. “Don’t forget about my own limits…but unlike you I have more!” LJ said instantly breaking his first lock. There was a slight shimmer of white light on him then the staff bounced backwards. He vanished into the Moons light. “So now you are using the light….what are you Angel?” The demon called out to him but LJ attacks again. The demon ducks from his attack but LJ stops and changes his stance. He places his right foot down and shifts it backwards to send his body backwards at the demon. He jumps into a back flip but the demon counters it with an upwards swing. LJ gets knocked down onto the ground and then he breaks his 2nd lock. "Fine lets dance."

There is another flash of white light then He gets up. “Do you want me to break them all or do you want to give up now?” LJ asked ready to give up. “Bring it young Angel. You are nothing compared to my level of skill.”

LJ laughed and then he waited for the demon to rush him. He kneels down and places his hand on the ground to break them all at once. The demon gets thrown through the trees and lands on a rock. LJ smiles at him and then he climbs over the broken wood. Splinters fall as he steps onto them. “Play a game with me boy…a game that few can play and even fewer can beat.”

The demon could feel the immense power coming from LJ’s body and was getting scared. The power alone was causing pain and everything around him to break. “Nein LJ!” LJ’s brother called out to him from on top of an overlying tree. “Julius stay out of this. He started and well now he has to finish it!” LJ yells understanding the German language. “Remember when you did this to that one Angel…Dad still hasn’t forgiven you for tearing a hole in the realm.”

“Please Julius. It was bound to happen.”

LJ ignores his brother and charges a beam in the palm of his black gloves. There is something being charged from in back of him but he doesn’t care. LJ lets go of a beam of holy magic that tears through the environment. The holy energy hits the demon but then another beam hits it. The demon screams and then there is silence. “Why did you have to go and stop me?” LJ calls out looking at the barely breathing Demon. “Because you were going to kill him Dream Boy. Do you not care about disrupting anything around here?” Julius asked. LJ gives an evil grin.
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Last edited by FinalsTwin : 06-17-2007 at 12:20 PM.
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Old 06-17-2007, 07:26 AM   #2
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I suggest rereading your work, spacing it out with paragraphs and giving more organized detail.

Well Done.
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Old 06-17-2007, 09:44 AM   #3
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[This whole paragraph looks wierd to me....You are always restating the characters' names when it's not really necessary. Try rereading your story before you post it]LJ tries to move but nothing he is firmly in place. The demon pulled a staff out and then he swung it at LJ. “Don’t forget about my own limits…but unlike you I have more!” LJ said instantly breaking his first lock. There was a slight shimmer of white light on him then the staff bounced backwards. LJ vanished into the Moons light. “So now you are using the light….what are you Angel?” The demon called out to LJ but LJ attacks again. The demon ducks from LJ’s attack but LJ stops and changes his form. LJ places his foot down and shifts it backwards to send his body backwards at the demon. He jumps into a back flip but the demon counters it with an upwards swing. LJ gets knocked down onto the ground and then he breaks his 2nd lock. There is another flash of white light then LJ gets up. “Do you want me to break them all or do you want to give up now?” LJ asked ready to give up. “Bring it young Angel. You are nothing compared to my level of skill.”



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Old 06-17-2007, 12:18 PM   #4
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There. I rewritten it and added some small details.
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Old 06-18-2007, 08:43 AM   #5
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....Wait...was your last post supposeed to have your revision in it?...It's not there
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