299 words --- The Mirror - Writers Forum

brokenearphones · 06-14-2007, 03:12 PM

“Don’t blame yourself; it’s not your fault.” You say. I stare at you. You’re not helping, you’re making me feel dumb, not better.

“Just shut up.” I say. I turn away from you, but I can still feel your eyes on me, piercing me, burning holes through me.

I can hear them. They’re screaming at each other, but then again, what else do they ever do? I don’t want to hear what they’re saying, but I do, I always do. They’re yelling about me, again. They’re trying to figure out what to do with me, again. They’re shouting that I’m worth nothing, again.

“Don’t listen to them.” You say from behind me. I whip around and glare at you. What do you know? You just stand there. No one notices you; you never have to go through, through this.

“How can I not listen to them?” I demand. “It’s impossible.”

You nod, slowly, but you still do nod. “Just don’t think that what they’re saying is true, because, it’s not. Never think that.”

“Shut up.” I scream at you. “What do you know? You’re just a reflection of me, you copy everything I do. How do you know it’s not my fault?”

You’re hurt, I can tell, but I don’t care. I continue screaming at you. “Of course it’s my fault. Before I started being me, the real me, everything was happy. Everyone was happy, except me. Now I try and tell them that, and everything goes to hell. It’s my entire fault.” I collapse, my face in my hands.

You try and say something, but I don’t want to hear it. I pick up a CD case, because music always solves everything.

I throw it at you. The glass shatters, and you’re gone.

Funwriter · 06-15-2007, 03:22 PM

Broken,

I like this one, very good and thoughtful. I'll look for more of your work.

FW

snorrie · 06-15-2007, 07:14 PM

Unfortunately, your title gave away the ending before I read the first word of your piece. I did read it all the way through though. I think you could have masked the ending better and by doing so curved my perception of what was to come. Try devloping the scene better and may try not using 'you'. I don't know. Try again. Good luck.

speakerphone2 · 06-15-2007, 08:08 PM

I agree, the title kind of spoiled it, however without it I might have thought it was the whole "anorexia voices" kind of piece. It's got some real potential, but I've been (and written) along the same lines myself in the past. Maybe you could find a way rt layer it & make it more emotional & complicated, or perhaps even the other route of simpler & more straightforward, but extremely poweful. Your language could be dolled up quite a bit, which might add a stronger & harsher tone to the piece, but overall it's quite good. *thumbs up*

brokenearphones · 06-15-2007, 11:53 PM

Yeah...the title. I was thinking of renaming it "Reflections" - or would that still be to ovious? Any suggestions?

I had one person on another site suggest "My Shattered Remains" or something like that...what do you think?

Shinn · 06-16-2007, 12:08 AM

I like it, Rowan. It's very good.

blackthorn · 06-17-2007, 10:59 AM

wait....so she's talking to the reflection of herself in the mirror?...I don't know...I didn't think the title gave away the story.

"you never have to go through, through this." [That extra "through" doesn't seem too necessary.]

It sounds like a good story. Keep writing! I want to see where this is headed!

brokenearphones · 06-18-2007, 08:51 PM

Thanks everyone.

I'm going to change the title, no worries.