Runaway With Me :From His POV: - Writers Forum

Diverse · 06-10-2007, 08:36 PM

I scan your body, as it rest peacefully on the ground. My eyes; full of tears, hate, discourage. The men, who hasn't yet gave up shooting, finally stop, shushing each other, watching me. I pick you up, staring at the fatal gunshot wound to your head. I see your soul; your once tortured soul, and shut your eyes. I stand, watching the men watch me. I slowly pick up the gun, beginning to back away from it all. I glance down at your body once again, thinking of all the misery you once went through. We all knew you had it three times as bad as we did. They move toward me, guns pointed at me. I inch closer and closer to the cliff, my foot mistepping the edge. I raise an eyebrow, sticking the gun in a secured area. I lift my arms, they begin to shot. I fall back, the wind rushing through my ruffled clothing. My thoughts rushing along with the wind. I close my eyes as I hear the water splashing louder....

I remember the first time I saw you. It was daylight outside, and I could see clearly into your cell. It sat empty across from me for the longest time. I looked up, seeing your body against the wall, your arms wrapped around your legs that were pulled up to your knees. Your hair was pulled back in a braid, your clothing wrecked. You didn't cry. You looked confusingly out of your cell block window. You never said a word, and you never spoke to anybody. But they all, one by one, slowly died away, wondering about you. Bless their souls. I watched as you moved around your cell, feeling the walls everyday. You pulled a candle from your blouse, that was spotted with your own blood. The candle was large, roundish and yellow. But at the time you had to way of lighting it. I smiled at that. Days passed, the Man never yet entering your cell.

But soon enough, I watched many of times as he began to enter your cell, pressing in the code. The iron bars slide open, your candle now always lit, shining against the cold concrete. It left a golden-brown glow, one I will never forget. Then it would get quiet. For a long time. And into the night, I would hear you scream. I rushed to the iron bars, banging, yelling at him to stop. He would only glance at me, smiling. With every slap, I could see the rage in your eyes grow stronger and stronger. With every passing second, and every passing scream. Every time you cried out for him to stop. You couldn't fight back, I know, because you were the only one he ever chained up. Wrist pinned to the walls. You begged even more for him to stop. But he never did.

Not until tonight.

I watched as you yanked your chains. And I watched as you set fire to the security box, letting the fire burn. Smoking up the halls. I watched as you, step by step, walked down the hall. Slowly caressing each set of iron bars you came across, staring at the dead bodies inside, putting your index finger over your thumb and kissing it; pointing it toward them. But I didn't think you noticed me then. I watched you stalk out of sight, and then I heard a gun shot. I could have sworn you were gone. Forever. But then the alarm began to roar, and I knew you must have killed that guard yourself. And then there was a cracking of a door, short after another gun shot. I then heard footsteps race down the hall, and you glanced at me, stopped and stared. You entered my cell, pulling me to my feet, asking me what I would always ask you. 'Can you hear me?'.

And that was when I realized you knew I was always here...

I hit the water with a splash, soon realizing I wasn't dead. Soon realizing I was still alive, the anger in my heart pounding as I struggled to get air. I pulled myself to a surface far away. I set to my feet, running. I can't tell you how much I wish you were with me. And I can't tell you how lonely I was at night, sleeping in the cold. I felt as if any moment I could die. That being exactly what I wanted. But I survived it all, and I still dream about you. I still see your face, your once scared face. I know you are happy, and I know one day I will see you again.

My life without you can't get any worse.

Voodoo · 06-23-2007, 10:49 AM

I see you've made a counterpart work. Sounds fun.

I'l get to it in just a second, love.

Voodoo · 06-23-2007, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diverse & The German

I scan your body, as it rest peacefully on the ground. My eyes; full of tears, hate, discourageshould be discouragement, though i think I see what you were getting at. The men, who hasn't should be haven't yet gavegiven up shooting, finally stop, shushing each other, watching me. I pick you up, staring at the fatal gunshot wound to your head. I see your soul; rid the semicolon, they're addictive your once tortured soul, and shut your eyes. I stand, watching the men watch me. I stand, the men watching me with economic avarice, quite, alert yet dazed I slowly pick up the gun, beginning to back away from it all. I glance down at your body once again, thinking of all the misery you once went through howos and because of who?. We all knew you had it three times as bad as we who, love? did. They ruins the moment for a sec, clarify who. use more direct things than pronouns move toward me, guns pointed at me. I inch closer and closer to the cliff, my foot mistepping not sure if thats a word, shouldn't have to figure it out the edge. I raise an eyebrow, sticking the gun in a secured area where?. I lift my arms, they begin to shot shoot. I fall back, the wind rushing through my ruffled ruffling, in this context clothing. My thoughts rushing along with the wind. That wasn't too bad. I close my eyes as I hear the water splashing louder....
Clarify your location.

I remember the first time I saw you. It was daylight outside, and I could see clearly into your cell. It sat empty across from me for the longest time. I looked up, seeing your body against the wall, your arms wrapped around your legs that were pulled up to your knees knees to her chin, mayhaps?. Your hair was pulled back in a braid, don't transition from clothing to hair like that. Braid is ambiguous, but wrecked is decidedly negative.your clothing wrecked. You didn't crywhy would she?. You looked confusinglyconfusedly out of your cell block window. You never said a word, and you never spoke to anybodywhen?. But they all, one by one, slowly died away, wondering about you. Bless their souls who are they?. I watched as you moved around your cell, feeling the walls everyday. You pulled a candle from your blouse, that was spotted with your own blood. The candle was large, roundish and yellow. But at the time you had to way of lighting it. I smiled at that. Days passed, the Man never yet entering your cell. I've no idea what to make of that last one...

But soon enough, I watched many of rid the "of" times as he began to enter your cell, pressing in the code. The iron bars slide open, your candle now always lit, shining against the cold concrete. It left a golden-brown glow, how does a candle "leave" a light past the first moment? one I will never forget. Then it would get quiet. transition, also, space the paragraphsFor a long time. And into the night, I would hear you scream. I rushed to the iron bars, banging, yelling at him to stop. He would only glance at me, smiling. With every slap, I could see the rage in your eyes grow stronger and stronger. With every passing second, and every passing scream. Every time you cried out for him to stop. You couldn't fight back, I know, because you were the only one he ever chained up. Wrist pinned to the walls. You begged even more for him to stop. But he never did. So, I assume it was rape?

Not until tonight. hard to get the kernel of time, here.

I watched as you yanked your chains. And I watched as you set fire to the security box, letting the fire burn add some description. Smoking up the halls. I watched as you, step by step, walked down the hall. Slowly caressing each set of iron bars you came across, staring at the dead bodies inside, putting your index finger over your thumb and kissing it; pointing it toward them. But I didn't think you noticed me then. I watched you stalk out of sight, and then I heard a gun shot. I could have sworn you were gone. Forever transition. Butrid the "but." should read, "Then the alarm... then the alarm began to roar, and I knew you must have killed that guard yourself. And then there was a cracking of a door, shortly after another gun shot. I thenrid the then heard footsteps race down the hall, and you glanced at me, stopped and staredbetter: glanced at me, stopped, stared. You entered my cell, pulling me to my feet, asking me what I would always ask you. 'Can you hear me?'.

And that was when I realized you knew I was always here...

I hit the water with a splash, soon realizing I wasn't dead. Soon realizing no. I was still alive, the anger in my heart pounding as I struggled to get air. I pulled myself to a surface far away. I set to my feet, running. I can't tell you how much I wish you were with me. And I can't tell you how lonely I was at night, sleeping in the coldit seems as though he's telling her now.... I[ felt as if atany moment I could die. That being exactly what I wantedBetter: I felt as if death was the next second, my next heartbeat. My next breath, as I inhale, counting the future.... But I survived it all, and I still dream about you. I still see your face, your once scared face. I know you are happy, and I know one day I will see you again.

My life without you can't get any worse. Overall,not your best, Diverse. The story was just lacking. Use that spark of yours and make it alive. hope this helped.

Diverse · 06-23-2007, 11:28 AM

I see how you love to give your input, Voodoo, but I have you read part one? When you do, you should clearly understand that everything in part one what the young girl talked about is advanced in this one. He is just putting his own two sense into this whole prediciment. You know?

But for the most part, it is a bit- just a bit lacking to me..