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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 05-26-2007, 01:53 AM   #1
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Baron Goodfletcher

His name was Baron, Baron Goodfletcher. He was the master blacksmith of a small town, Galivann. There was nothing noble about the town. It consisted of thatched roof cottages and earthen huts. It had a protective fence surrounding the parameter. The fence was but logs with pointed ends jutting out of steep mounds of earth. Simply put, it was a vulnerable town. Baron's job was to supply whatever non-martial, metal items the town required. There was no resource for weapons or defensive structures. It was, after all, a peaceful town.

Yet, it was stricken by constant disease, lack of proper food, and, thus, a lack of labor. There were few strong and healthy men that could carry out an occupation like blacksmithing. And even then, disease could spread to one of the stronger men. It wasn't uncommon to see a person who was sick. Death was a common thing. The only doctor of the town, who had fallen ill himself, had been teaching two others: one male and one female. The doctor, Roy Barlen, had been pleased with his students. They were exceptionally bright and both were fast learners.

Yet again, there was a lack of resources that crippled the towns ability to fend off disease. The supply of food was borderline famine. There wasn't much the townsfolk could do. The soil was dry. The climate was mostly dry. There was a small river of water one mile west of Gilvann. It showed no signs of having a flood season. Irrigation was impossible. The townsfolk could only pray to God for rain and keep the river for drinking water. They couldn't afford to use much of the river for bathing or washing clothes. Hygeine became a problem and a fuel for disease.

As hopeless as the situation may seem, Gilvann's luck was about to change. Many townsfolk had died in the years Baron lived there. Their were many dead people in the town.

To be continued...
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Old 05-26-2007, 07:56 AM   #2
Rob
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All fine, you've given this story some thought and created in your mind the town of Gilvann, but the presentation here is not very interesting. It's info dump. I would suggest rewriting it, but starting with your central character, who I assume will be Baron Goodfletcher as you introduce him in the first sentence, and let the information about the town come more naturally from what you have him doing rather than spewing it all out at the beginning. It's fine to set the scene, but here it feels like something I want to skip through quickly to get to the interesting part (which hasn't been written yet).

Cheers,
Rob
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