Distance (Even shorter than my last one-296 words) - Writers Forum

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 03:24 PM

A week ago I challenged myself to write a story sparked from the word "distance" in less than 300 words. The idea was to see if I still had it, as I hadn't written anything that short in a while. It turned out... interesting. In fact, I think I might do something else with one or both of these characters.

Distance. That's what she needed. Alexandra sighed. Distance wasn't quite natural for her. She loved people as soon as she met them; she loved them unconditionally. They did not necessarily have to know that, but it was true.

She had to change. She was a doctor now, and doctors lose patients. Alexandra had not experienced this yet, but in this man, she saw a will very different than the kind she was accustomed to. Frank Newman wanted, more than anything in the world, to die. He was quite convinced this would solve all possible problems in his life. She didn't think she could persuade him away from this notion, but if she didn't, not only would there be disastrous consequences, the blame would be on her. After all, Frank was mentally ill. It wasn't as though he could be held responsible for his actions.

"Miss Johnson," Frank smiled weakly. "You sure are pretty. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Some therapists discouraged patients from asking THEM questions. Alexandra, however, was of the mind that one should not push their patients in any single direction. She took what she was presented with, and ran with it. "Frank, I have told you this before, no, I do not have a boyfriend, but I'm not looking for one. It's very sweet of you to ask, though."

"I wish I had a girlfriend."

"I know, Frank."

"I wish I didn't feel like this."

"Frank, did you take the medicine I gave you?"

He nodded. "Yes, Miss Johnson." He started shaking. Part of her knew what was happening, but the rest was quite sure it couldn't possibly be. That part of her simply watched. It didn't call 9-1-1. It didn't care about logic or reputation. It simply let him have his wish.

Frabes · 05-23-2007, 05:10 PM

Nice, but you should get rid of the self-imposed word limit and add to it. As it is, it feels like 3/4ths of a story.

I like to challenge myself too, but instead of placing a limit on the number of words, I go through old stories I've written and find words I use way too much, then force myself to write a story without any of those words in them. Or I challenge myself to write a love story without using words like "love," "heart," "desire," etc.

It's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which limiting your word count would help your writing or help you gauge whether or not you "still had it." Writing isn't a race, after all. Trying to get to a resolution as fast as you can seems like it would do more harm than good.

Rob · 05-23-2007, 05:14 PM

Much of the story is summarised in the first two paragraphs, whereas it could be played out in front of the reader through a scene. The two halves seem disjointed to me because of this. Doesn't seem to make much sense why you've chosen to split it where you have. Better, I think, would be to tell the whole story rather than summarise in the way you have, and not worry about the word count (which would clearly be longer).

Cheers,
Rob

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 05:19 PM

The reason why I gave myself such a small word limit is because I have a tendency to go on and on and never finish anything... so I'm trying to teach myself to be more focused.

Golden · 06-20-2007, 10:39 AM

As people said above it's nice, but it is a bit short, maybe a 450 limit next time?

Liked it, good work, Golden.