"Father"-477 Words - Writers Forum

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 03:05 AM

First of all, let me just say, Annabelle pretty much = me. I don't know how to create an affecting emotional situation out of thin air, so I cheat and use crap that happened to me. I dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing. You decide!

Annabelle rocked back and forth. Her "father" (could he be called that?) was trying to kick the door open. She didn't allow herself to cry. If she did, it would weaken her, making it even more difficult to hold him back.

The part of her that was in denial heard her mother and her sweet little brother calling her name. At least they were safe right now. She wished there weren't any laws against murder if the so-called victim were a megalomaniac psychopath. Then she could end all this, and never have to worry about this horrible monster hurting her real family or her friends ever again.

She looked around for no real reason she could think of. The room that had been designated hers was filled with fairies, unicorns, dolls, rainbows, and anything the color pink. She was sure this was his impression of what kind of girl she should be, or even what kind of girl she was, in his twisted little world.

He was winning now, but it didn't matter. It was almost noon, the end of her mandatory visit. Someone would pick her up any second now. Probably a half dozen trustworthy adults. Annabelle learned to read a clock at four years old, for just this purpose. Two years later, it was still just as important. She hugged her dog. "Someday I'm gonna save you, too." she assured him, her voice wavering some.

"Come on out, pumpkin!" he yelled. She didn't think it was meant to sound threatening, but it came out of his mouth, and so it was.

She hated when he called her "pumpkin", like he knew her and had earned the right to call her by a nickname. Again, this had to be part of this made-up world of his. Or something.

Annabelle's anger was renewed just think of it. She fueled it with thoughts of how he asked for her friends full names, even addresses sometimes. He wants to use them against me, she thought to herself, the right side of her mouth twitching some. Just like he tries to use me against Mom.

She also knew he could have worse plans for them. She had tried warning them before, but they didn't understand. She was all alone in this complicated world.

She heard the knock on the front door, but did not leave her station. She heard him stomp down the stairs and open it. She waited until she heard her mother marching up the stairs before she flung open the door to her room and into her mother's arms.

Annabelle didn't even look at the man that was supposed to be her father. She marched out of that house and into the car. She didn't say anything about her visit. Her mother already worried enough about it. Still, something had to be said.

"Mommy? I love you."

Edit: *Reads forum description* Ha-ha! My short story is "unusual". It is NOT between 500 and 2000 words.

terrib · 05-23-2007, 11:26 AM

JK, damn, very good. Most good writers always have an = too. I enjoyed it very much, I think you have sometimg here. Good luck.=D>
Terri

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terrib

JK, damn, very good. Most good writers always have an = too. I enjoyed it very much, I think you have sometimg here. Good luck.=D>
Terri

Aww, thanks. I'm glad you liked it!

skyler · 05-23-2007, 03:23 PM

awww, you made me get teary eyes! I love it. I sorry Anna

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyler

awww, you made me get teary eyes! I love it. I sorry Anna

Ha, my real name's not Annabelle. Just call me JKW or something. But thank you.

It's alright, really. I figure my past is part of what makes me who I am now, and I've grown up to be a really awesome person.

skyler · 05-23-2007, 03:36 PM

yea, it's funny how it works like that. I say, "If it takes pain, Jesus bring the rain"--a song I love.

Writing emotionally involved I think has the potential to produce the best writings, you know? The character's alive--and you're feeling with them. So I say yea, dig into your heart and use those emotional gems to keep up your writing. It's great.

One of my favorite lines, besides the end of course ;0) ..."She didn't think it was meant to sound threatening, but it came out of his mouth, and so it was." Just a great line revealing his character.

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyler

yea, it's funny how it works like that. I say, "If it takes pain, Jesus bring the rain"--a song I love.

Writing emotionally involved I think has the potential to produce the best writings, you know? The character's alive--and you're feeling with them. So I say yea, dig into your heart and use those emotional gems to keep up your writing. It's great.

One of my favorite lines, besides the end of course ;0) ..."She didn't think it was meant to sound threatening, but it came out of his mouth, and so it was." Just a great line revealing his character.

Thank you. And it is so true.

It's been 8 years since my biological father died, and this was the first time I was really able to write about him with focus on one particular event. The stories would then get to complicated for others to understand, and I would end up throwing it away and coming up with something else to do.

I simplified some things for Annabelle's story. For instance, I made it so that people picked her up from her visit at a certain time. I actually had to rely on my biological father to take me home, and sometimes he refused to do so. I also made it where she kept track of time, which I never did at that age.

The biggest change is how she related to her mother. I am ashamed of how I treated my mom when I was that age. I know I was young and dealing with some really frightening situations, but it was no excuse. I would come home angry at her, kicking and screaming and crying, unable to find the words to describe what I was going through.

I made Annabelle deal with things much better than me. I guess I'm still trying to rewrite history in my head because I never had much closure when it came to his death and things.

skyler · 05-23-2007, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JK_Wannabe

Thank you. And it is so true.

It's been 8 years since my biological father died, and this was the first time I was really able to write about him with focus on one particular event. The stories would then get to complicated for others to understand, and I would end up throwing it away and coming up with something else to do.

I simplified some things for Annabelle's story. For instance, I made it so that people picked her up from her visit at a certain time. I actually had to rely on my biological father to take me home, and sometimes he refused to do so. I also made it where she kept track of time, which I never did at that age.

The biggest change is how she related to her mother. I am ashamed of how I treated my mom when I was that age. I know I was young and dealing with some really frightening situations, but it was no excuse. I would come home angry at her, kicking and screaming and crying, unable to find the words to describe what I was going through.

I made Annabelle deal with things much better than me. I guess I'm still trying to rewrite history in my head because I never had much closure when it came to his death and things.

I understand. I think our emotions, especially when they run so deep, and so...complicated? I guess, have the tendency to get hard to express. I wrote my x-girlfriend a thousand love letters in my heart, but somehow, when I was face to face with her, I couldn't manage to get out what I needed to say.

Hey, I'm gonna finish writing you in a little while. I got my aunt on the phone with my cousin, who's crying I wanna die.

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyler

I understand. I think our emotions, especially when they run so deep, and so...complicated? I guess, have the tendency to get hard to express. I wrote my x-girlfriend a thousand love letters in my heart, but somehow, when I was face to face with her, I couldn't manage to get out what I needed to say.

Hey, I'm gonna finish writing you in a little while. I got my aunt on the phone with my cousin, who's crying I wanna die.

D'ya mean real "I wanna die", I hate everyone and everything and "I wanna die", or I really want attention from everybody "I wanna die"? Sorry if I seem insensitive, it's just that I've seen all three forms and I'm always a bit skeptical.

skyler · 05-23-2007, 05:01 PM

*deep breath*, I don't know. I think part of her is for real, in the sense she feels empty and alone. She's staying in a really rough place about 4 hours away from all of her family, with a man...well it's just a really big mess that I would feel weird clogging up your thread with. But my aunt says it's okay, and she would know better than me, but I just couldn't think about writing you with all that emotion going on in the background.

But yea, I see what you were saying. I know that feeling...like you're trapped inside with your emotions, and it comes out like you don't want it to. I used to sit there while my mom spoke so "sweet", and I would stare out the car window with my blood boiling. It was like the sweeter she sounded, the hotter my blood boiled. Same with my girlfriend, no, probably much worse, because it completely consumed my heart.

I would get trapped inside with my feelings, and rage would fill me when I couldn't express myself. I have much more reason to be ashamed though because I was grown, you know? I mean I remember one time I lost it, and I mean I didn't hit her, but I punched this cynder block wall with all my might over and over again until my knuckles were crushed and busted open. It was horrible. And I can feel the remorse now, that emotion in me that sees myself crying and hugging her. I scared her, you know? I mean I did that lots, crying and hugging her, but not always when I should have.

But I don't think it's so much that you're changing the emotions, as finding them and refining them. I think you're just taking those gems in your heart, and you're refining them--taking the unattractive rocks and making them beautiful. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks," was how Christ put it. In other words, it comes out because it was in. You know?

But yea, I think it's a good thing. It's okay to refine what you have inside. And from this story, I can see it's beautiful. Keep up your writing.

JK_Wannabe · 05-23-2007, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skyler

*deep breath*, I don't know. I think part of her is for real, in the sense she feels empty and alone. She's staying in a really rough place about 4 hours away from all of her family, with a man...well it's just a really big mess that I would feel weird clogging up your thread with. But my aunt says it's okay, and she would know better than me, but I just couldn't think about writing you with all that emotion going on in the background.

But yea, I see what you were saying. I know that feeling...like you're trapped inside with your emotions, and it comes out like you don't want it to. I used to sit there while my mom spoke so "sweet", and I would stare out the car window with my blood boiling. It was like the sweeter she sounded, the hotter my blood boiled. Same with my girlfriend, no, probably much worse, because it completely consumed my heart.

I would get trapped inside with my feelings, and rage would fill me when I couldn't express myself. I have much more reason to be ashamed though because I was grown, you know? I mean I remember one time I lost it, and I mean I didn't hit her, but I punched this cynder block wall with all my might over and over again until my knuckles were crushed and busted open. It was horrible. And I can feel the remorse now, that emotion in me that sees myself crying and hugging her. I scared her, you know? I mean I did that lots, crying and hugging her, but not always when I should have.

But I don't think it's so much that you're changing the emotions, as finding them and refining them. I think you're just taking those gems in your heart, and you're refining them--taking the unattractive rocks and making them beautiful. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks," was how Christ put it. In other words, it comes out because it was in. You know?

But yea, I think it's a good thing. It's okay to refine what you have inside. And from this story, I can see it's beautiful. Keep up your writing.

Thanks, skyler, and good luck with your cousin. Peace.