the hate - Writers Forum

saintoflight · 04-03-2007, 08:00 AM

And you thought, you thought you were so damn perfect didn’t you. No, I thought you were perfect. You couldn’t see it though. You were too busy being bored or telling me about all you stresses. Well you know what, I didn’t listen. I never listened. I was just looking. Just watching you think. Think, think, think. You’re so smart. You were so smart, now you’re stupid. Yep, stupid as can be because you didn’t, you never believed in me. Ha ha ha. I’m singing now. Singing songs in my head to escape from you and all your pain. All your pain, you passed it off on me. Well I hope you’re happy. A happy chappy. That’s all I want you know. For you to be happy. Baby, I want you to be happy. I want you to look at me and be happy. Do I disgust you? Is that why you look away. I just want a happy baby, Baby to be happy. You’re smiling at everyone now. You never smile at me, you never look at me even. Do I remind you of all you hate? If you can’t look at me without hating or remembering your hates then maybe we should go away. Not together. Away from each other. But you’re happy here. Well almost happy. Except when you look at me and the hate. I know, I’ll run away for you. I’ll run away from you, with the hate and you’ll be happy. A happy chappy. But how will I know. I’ll know. Cause I’ll take all the hate and you’ll have nothing. I never liked sharing and you never wanted me to share with you. Never. You’ve hated everything I’ve loved. You hate, but only when I’m there. Here. Ok so I’ll go. I’ll go away with the hate, and then you’ll be happy? Yes. I’ll go now. I’ll go right away. I’ll leave with the hate and I’ll go. You and happy and me and the hate. I’ve got my suitcase out now and the hate’s going in. Hate keeps jumping out but I’m cramming it in. Hate loves you, you know. Always trying to find you, always looking. But I say no. And try to keep hate in. In me always. Deep in. When I go away I’ll sow me mouth shut to keep hate in. Hate’ll make me do ad things. Oh, I can see it now. It’ll be just horrid. But it won’t worry you. Oh no. Just me and the hate. I’m locking hate away, deep inside hate will go. Into my brain, into my mind. Make me go crazy, do crazy bad things. But you’ll be fine. You’ll be happy. With all your friends, yes em’. Me and the hate and you happy.

Crepuscular · 04-03-2007, 01:24 PM

Do I hear wedding bells?

Due on Maple Street · 04-03-2007, 02:37 PM

I really liked it. You displayed the conflicted emotions of selfless vs. selfish well, especially since the aspects of those two aren't mutually exclusive and aren't static. They shift and change sides sometimes. I love you and want you to be happy so I'll leave. But I love you and want to be with you so I'll stay. I thought you showed that off really well. Great job.

saintoflight · 04-04-2007, 09:03 AM

Thanks due. I wasn't sure how this would be taken. What feed back I would get, but I was dying to find out so I posted it. I wanted to know the response because I've had no idea what I was going to right and wanted to use the built up emotions in me to create something. And yea it's abstract from me, and not really what I feel but that's why it's a story. So I'm happy you liked it. Um, Crepuscular (such an interesting name), I'm not really sure what you meant by wedding bells, unless you're talking about her relationship with the hate, then ok yea I get it. I wrote it cause I really liked this guy but all he did was tell me about all the things he hated and I had to ask myself why is he telling me this? And so I ran away with different ideas with this story. Thanks again for your comments.

Due on Maple Street · 04-05-2007, 09:39 PM

I thought it worked so well. It connected. I think almost anyone who has had an iffy relationship will connect with it. Really well done.