Rob

My point is simple. You wrote this in an hour and in your excitement posted it without fixing the obvious errors. You've had over four months to go back and fix them but you haven't bothered. What do you expect people to do - spend their time going through your story to tell you where the errors are that you would have found if you'd bothered to check it before posting?

Why don't you check it yourself, fix the errors, then bump it? Once again, if you can't be bothered, why should anyone else?

Cheers,
Rob

Emmett89

I don't see where I asked anyone to nitpick my grammatical errors (which I'm sure are many), I just wanted to see what people thought of the story not my sentence structure or any of its ilk.

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Keridwen

Grammar is part of the story as a whole. The thing that bugged me the most was the "cauldron's" in the very first line which shouldn't have an apostrophe. But that's just me.

Story itself was good - style was a little bit crude at times, you could tell it was rushed and hadn't been gone over even before you said anything of the sort.

I really liked the ending and thought you could explore that a little more - what with the Janitor's part in the whole thing. Moral is that two wrongs don't make a right, right?

Nice job. If you want more constructive critique then take Rob's advice.

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Rob

You asked by posting it.

Cheers,
Rob

Loulou

The idea is funny and it's written quite well. I think if you had a main dinner lady character it would work better. Let's say you have Big Gladys - she could bring it to life a little more because we might see her viewpoint rather than just yours as the narrator? Let her loose with a ladle and see what happens. Just a thought.
I agree with Rob about the bumping when you haven't added anything new. If it's as it was months ago then leave it. Only bump it if there's more to read or it's been drastically altered. And people will crit your grammar - it's all part and parcel of what they do.

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Emmett89

Oh. Okay, I apologize.

Please nobody bring grammatical mistake to my attention, because I am much, much too lazy to fix them.

Thanks!

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Bazaam212

funniest shit i've ever read.

Emmett89

Thank you.

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dowhatswrite

Great work, but you still have to polish some rough edges.

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Emmett89

Yeah, that's what I've gathered. Thank you, though.

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