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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
10-16-2006, 10:07 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Again, WHY do you care? If you must know, sanctuarys house
Gender: Female
Posts: 397
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Never Again
Never Again
By: Curse (rachel)
It’s happening again, not again not again the clock strikes 12 and she’s gone again. She’s run away she’s run away we can’t find her again not again. It’s happing all over the loss of breath the rapid beating of my heart. She’s gone I am gone not again, again. It’s like the world exploding the oceans flooding homes, the skies lit up with fire and the pain of being alone. She’s gone, gone nowhere at all and I don’t know where iv gone. I’m lost she’s lost were just too much the same. Not again not again its just happening again, hotel suites beaten up car seats I don’t stay for long. So they can find her she’s always on the move farther away. I miss home sometimes but to go back is to fall back into the story of Never. Never more cries the raven in that story, did you know the author died alone, in pain he suffered. Again not again I will never go back to Never.
Alright i didnt really know where this fell under, so here sounded just fine. Please if you are going to be a jerk and annoy me because i like to center things or put them in color dont bother responding because its how i like it.
__________________
"Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun."
"If I knew the world would come to an end tomorrow, I'd still plant an apple tree today"
"The only thing that keeps me from going homicidal is my distaste for manual labor."
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10-16-2006, 10:39 PM
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#2
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Addict
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 111
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I think it's really good. Very poetic and emotional. I added some punctuation that I think might improve its readability.
Quote:
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It’s happening again, not again, not again. The clock strikes 12 and she’s gone again. She’s run away. She’s run away and we can’t find her again, not again. It’s happing all over the loss of breath, the rapid beating of my heart. She’s gone. I am gone, not again, again. It’s like the world exploding, the oceans flooding homes, the skies lit up with fire and the pain of being alone. She’s gone, gone nowhere at all, and I don’t know where I’ve gone. I’m lost, she’s lost; we’re just too much the same. Not again, not again. It’s just happening again, hotel suites, beaten up car seats; I don’t stay for long. So they can find her; she’s always on the move farther away. I miss home sometimes, but to go back, is to fall back into the story of Never. Never more cries the raven in that story. Did you know the author died alone, in pain he suffered. Again, not again, I will never go back to Never.
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10-17-2006, 04:25 PM
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#3
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,296
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Is this a short story? I didn't really see a plot. It was just someone thinking. There are a lot of punctuation marks missing and a lot of repetition that isn't necessary. I don't think a short story is the best way to go with this. Try a poem, maybe.
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10-17-2006, 04:48 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The penis of the USA :)
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
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i liked the eap refence
__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~
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