Sephiroth

I was just remembering how horrible it was being a teenager and not being allowed to smoke....so I thought I'd go back in time 5 years and write the thoughts that might be going through a 16 year olds head as they sit at home wanting a smoke.
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I really need a smoke.

I mean really, really need one. It’s been four days I think. Normally I would have a sneaky one with the guys at lunch time up at the tennis courts, but I haven’t been able to scrounge together the two pounds fifty a ten deck costs. Bastard government. A ten deck used to cost less than two quid.
The cats staring at me. Fucking cat. I hate that bastard; I hope it gets eaten by a pack of wild dogs. I’d love to see it try and rub itself against the legs of a dozen feral German Shepherds. Actually, that would be a bit weird if a cat got attacked by a dozen German Shepherds, not the dogs, but actual German Shepherds. Why the hell would there be a dozen German shepherds in Newry? And why would they be feral?

God, I need a smoke.

I have to fill in the blanks on this chemistry homework, maybe I’ll try that. OK, I’m looking at the paper and holding the pen between by two fingers like a cigarette. I’m chewing the tip, imaging it’s a cigarette. God damn it, stop thinking about smoking.

OK, homework. Something plus something equals lead oxide. Hmm, it doesn’t take a genius to work that one out. On to the next one then. Show the reaction that takes place by using an equation. What the fuck? I bet the person who made these questions was gay. Sixteen year olds don’t give a toss about this shit. Oh, look its Linkin Park on MTV. God I hate them. I hope they all get killed in a plane crash. Why didn’t they just call themselves ‘N Sync with a load of overproduced guitars, except ten times more gay’? That would have been a better name for them.

Dear God, I need a smoke.

My hand is shaking now. Maybe I should take the dog for a walk and have a sneaky one. Hmm, no I never walk the dog, the parents would suspect…Fuck off cat! Fuck off and stop looking at me or I’ll stick a pencil up your ass and use you as a sharpener. I wonder if the Chinese take away down the road needs more meat for curry. That fat bastard cat would keep them supplied for a week. Or maybe not. I’m hungry now. I like chicken, I like liver. Meow mix, meow mix please deliver. What the hell am I thinking about? I really hate cats. They just fucking sit there and lick themselves all day. Maybe I should be prime minister.

Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, God damn it.

Yeah, maybe I should be the prime minister. Then I could put the price down again. And maybe I could abolish cats. Put the fuckers in concentration camps. Don’t know if the public would like that though. In a few years they’d make a film called Cat Lickers List about a factory owner who liked to lick cats, so he saved a load of them and made them work for him instead of going to the camps. God, Liam Neeson is such a fucking wank pot. ‘Look at me! I’m Liam Neeson, and I’m great because I was in a load of shit films, and slept with Jeremy Irons.’ I bet he did sleep with Jeremy Irons. They would have been alone in the jungle together making The Mission. Him, Irons, DeNiro, and a load of Indians. I bet they had a rave followed by a load of cat licking. Fuckers.

God I need a smoke.

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She has a face on her that looks like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle..

Hound

Not being allowed to smoke made it sound like you didn't smoke, but wanted to, not that you did, but couldn't in public.

"see it try and rubs itself" : rub, not rubs

This is far from your fault, but all the money and pack talk made me laugh, because I had no idea what the hell you were talking about... you know, because I use dollars and all. =)

Aww, comon now... don't diss Linkin Part. Hybrid Theory was the shit... and the fact that it sold 8 bajillion copies proves that. =)

I assume a "take away" is a take-out place? Dam our different vernaculars.

"saved a load them and made them work for him instead of go to the camps." : saved a load OF them and made them work for him instead of GOING to the camps


The whole thing was pretty funny, between your foreign swears and the thought process of the kid it was a good read. I liked it. =)

~Dave

Sephiroth

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Correcting that 'rubs' mistake shall be done...er....right now.
He he, sorry, the swear words are very Brittish, but oh well.

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She has a face on her that looks like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle..

gohn67

hey Sephiroth,

I liked it. I like the random rambling. How his mind just can't seem to concentrate and always returns to the fact that he needs to smoke. My favorite part was about the feral German shepherds. It was so unexpected that I found it pretty funny. I notice that the cat is mentioned repeatedly. Not sure what to make of it, but I just noticed that.

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Sephiroth

Thanks gohn67....what can I say? I don't like cats.

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She has a face on her that looks like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle..

Fantasy of You

This was halarious. Maybe not now, but when I was 13(ish) this is a pretty accurate summary of my days, without the smoking...


Haha, I've said that once or twice about tests and shit.. everyone does.

I'm not gonna bother with technical stuff, I'll just say I enjoyed it, and that cats are not office supplies.

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Chris Miller

Hilarious, accurate too, the way cravings kind of hit you in waves when you're trying to quit something. They say if you really really need whatever substance it is you're kicking, just wait a few minutes and it'll pass... fucking morons.

I Like all the tangents.

I like cats, but I still thought it was funny. And I got the answer to the lead-oxide question even though I've never taken chemistry (just chemicals). Woo hoo!

Very funny stuff. Thanks for the read


Only one type leapt out at me:
The cats staring at me.
cat's

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Sigur Rós

I agree this was very accurate. I found it hard to stay with at points but, that's just me. I really liked it though, being a smoker I understand. lastly Linkin Park wasn't bad, but there's better bands who could have been in their place.

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cacafire

I am so fucking laughing my ass of at the loser in this story. I have nothing against people who smoke and I'm probably going to get flamed for saying this, but watching people who got addicted to something and try to quit it is hilarious.

I don't feel sorry for him, I don't feel sympathetic, and I am so going to be flamed for this. I was laughing at him the entire time. That's what he get's for picking up smoking. Speaking of which, I assume smoking is popular with the kids in britain? Cause it sure as hell isn't popular down here in texas. Smoking is almost a surefire way to be labeled a 'loser' in my school. *shrugs*

Hey, fantasy, I didn't know you used to smoke. HAHA! *Laughs and points* (yeah, I know it's juvenile... but I'm feeling juvenile-ish right now. hell.)

-Cacafire

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Sephiroth

I wouldn't say its popular for kids to smoke here, but by your reaction I'll have to assume that it seems to be even less popular in the USA. When I was in school it was usually the 'alternative' kids that smoked, the rockers and the goths etc. and the occasional rugby player, who's rugby career didn't last too long after they started to smoke.

Though I should say, he's not trying to give up smoking...he just doesn't want his parents to find out he smokes, and therefore doesn't smoke when he's at home, if you understand where I'm coming from.

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She has a face on her that looks like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle..

Fantasy of You

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Deathwishboy

It is indeed very popular in britain, not primarily in 16 years olds, but some as young as 9 or 10. I myself started when I was 14 for all the wrong reasons. I gave up when I turned 16 with a lot of hard work. Strangely smoking is seen as some how "cool", but it does gain you more friends....not the best but more...

Anyway I really liked your story Sephiroth. Had some great british feels to it, especially the insults. I used those every science lesson...then went for a cigerette afterwards. A wonderful little rant all in all.

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CandieK

Haha!

Genius.

The whole thing made me laugh. Your rambling had good rhythm and pace. I'm a rambler myself. (just check out my phone bill)

I tried a cigarette only once. Just to be able to say that I tried it.

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Sephiroth

Thanks for replying people!

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She has a face on her that looks like a bulldog thats just licked piss off a nettle..

Wyndstar

This was a scream. I remember walking in on my chemistry teacher one day in the lounge and I swear, this could have been him. He kept ranting disjointedly and never even knew I was in the room.

Nicely done, and it makes me glad I never took up smoking--just writing.

Damn it--where's my pen...

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