The Sound of Egg Go Splat (525 words) - Writers Forum

ButteredKazoo · 07-24-2006, 10:22 PM

Fiberfill works best with frostwork. Stateside Kingfishes, the fussiest of freebooters, know this but condemn the process.

The Mantis will disenthrall anyone with gauzy shearers; however, they will only do so monkishly. The Mantis has discovered that with checkering projection one can finally find a percentage for arteriosclerosis, and (in the year 2009), will bloom systemic prejudices with exponential haste. Don't be worried about this now--worrisomely waste your time buying colluvial radixes in preparation for the Big Splat reversal in 2021. Nothing will save you.

An epigrammatist will vixenishly forgather sub-provinces three years in advance. One thing you must know: acetone, valved with blue hydrae cut-up, is the new laving process (mind you, that's for reducing inadequateness). Don't be discouraged, try re-stuffing indefinable asbestos into a jelly jar that has been emptied; this may help quite a bit.

When previewed synaptically, prepossessingness often brings joy to those with cloud bins, yet may reverse the wealth of even the wealthiest of cloud catchers.

Poltergeists advise that Fiberfill extinguishes these dreams, after a display of hallucination persuades the dreamer that overproduced globalism will be the true downfall of man. This, of course, is wrong.

On the first day, they say, junketeers will fill the streets and pounce on innocent passersby, strip them of all their standing possessions–even their clothes. The junketeers will then bring their findings home with them and melt the items in a large pot. The final solution will enter their bloodstream through intramuscular injection. They do this to give themselves time. You don't want to know.

On the second day, they say, retired freebooters will hassle dance rehearsals to profess that recessiveness harshens gusseting. In the brief moment of confusion and silence, the freebooters will paralyze everyone in the room. They will cut open the bellies of the fattest and remove one rib from each of them. The ribs are stuffed in golf bags. You don't want to know.

On the third day, they say, citified pharaohs will rule supreme over zoned subprovinces of the highest populations. They will put the people to work. You do not want to know.

On the fourth day, they say, buildings will crumble like sand castles. Rising from the debris, Death will refer to the act of commending, or rather, the process of commencement. Death corrects himself many times. You do not want to know.

On the fifth day, they say, contemptible inhabitants will requite the laving process with recessiveness. Their eyeballs will recede back into their heads. They have no eyelids. You do not want to know.

On the sixth day, they say, augmentations of homogeneous miserabilia will bring the final perish to the land. Divisible is the land of the free, and every patch of dirt on Earth. The Oceans will turn white. The sky will turn white. Every person, every thing, every particle of matter will disassemble and release the Energy back to the void.

You hear the sound of egg go splat. Time flees and space follows. The death day hums like a buttered kazoo, fades like fog as god plays golf.

There is no seventh day.
You do not want to know.

Fantasy of You · 07-25-2006, 04:56 AM

Did you purposely make this to annoy people? I don't know if you intended to, or if you wanted to seem smart, but you used too many complicated words too often and without real purpose. It does nothing but distract me. It makes the peice flow terribly and only makeme think 'this guy must be new to writing'.

You need to change this, because it reads awfully. You seem to have the foundations to be a good writer, but you are trying too hard and so the piece seems unnatural.

Fantasy

mwd · 07-25-2006, 05:25 AM

Hey Buttered,

I checked your profile because I was curious if you normally write like this or if it was a conscious decision, and of course I found that your other stuff was written in a fairly standard style.

So I gather that you're trying to write experimentally with an absurdist/bizarro bent. I'm not sure I understand the story, though. I'll try and explain what I got out of it, and you can tell me if I'm off base here...

You have images of the end of the world, with existence being deconstructed in 6 days (how fitting). Before that you have a bunch of stuff about Fiberfill, and how people think it will be the end of the world, but it isn't. Maybe the point is that we fear things we shouldn't, or we're too worried about capitalism or other social problems, when the world is going to end anyway? I don't know, that's the only real theme I could get out of it, even though there were a lot of little details most of them went right over my head and all I got was this general picture which I'm not even sure is correct. The seven days segment seemed clearer to me than the Fiberfill stuff, as well.

Your prose is very opaque, and while I respect that you wrote it this way purposefully, I think I'd consider making it easier to read anyway. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if this style serves the story, or obscures it.

Atom · 07-25-2006, 05:47 AM

i waited for others to post first because i didnt know what to say. Now that they posted i still dont know what to say. I stopped reading the story halfway though because i culdnt concentrate. I know you wrote this way on purpose, but why?

ButteredKazoo · 07-26-2006, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Hey Buttered,

I checked your profile because I was curious if you normally write like this or if it was a conscious decision, and of course I found that your other stuff was written in a fairly standard style.

So I gather that you're trying to write experimentally with an absurdist/bizarro bent. I'm not sure I understand the story, though. I'll try and explain what I got out of it, and you can tell me if I'm off base here...

You have images of the end of the world, with existence being deconstructed in 6 days (how fitting). Before that you have a bunch of stuff about Fiberfill, and how people think it will be the end of the world, but it isn't. Maybe the point is that we fear things we shouldn't, or we're too worried about capitalism or other social problems, when the world is going to end anyway? I don't know, that's the only real theme I could get out of it, even though there were a lot of little details most of them went right over my head and all I got was this general picture which I'm not even sure is correct. The seven days segment seemed clearer to me than the Fiberfill stuff, as well.

Your prose is very opaque, and while I respect that you wrote it this way purposefully, I think I'd consider making it easier to read anyway. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if this style serves the story, or obscures it.

MWD, thank you for being open-minded. I am glad you took the time to read some of my other work.

You are just about on the nose with your analysis. The "general picture" is what I wanted people to see, not the "literal picture". The story is not meant to be read literally. It is full of themes and symbolism that all produce the bigger picture.

The first half is not suppose to read like a poem. It was written in the style of an informative article, and the reason for this was to give the reader an unbiased perspective on the state of society before the end of the world.

The second half (where it starts with "On the first day, . . .") was written in a sort of biblical fashion. Anyone who has read the beginning of the Book of Genesis will understand why.

There is so much more I could say about what I’ve done here, but I’d rather not explain the shit out of the story. Instead, I'd like to hear more about what people think of this little piece. I’ll delve into more along the way.

Quote:

i waited for others to post first because i didnt know what to say. Now that they posted i still dont know what to say. I stopped reading the story halfway though because i culdnt concentrate. I know you wrote this way on purpose, but why?

Hopefully what I wrote above answers your question. Please, read the rest; I think you will be pleased to find it makes more sense than it presents.

I would greatly appreciate more comments from other readers. I'd like to hear your opinions/perspectives, and your suggestions as well. Thank you.

---Adam Landis

Chris Miller · 07-26-2006, 08:00 AM

I really enjoyed it. I like that you are not afraid to play with language and experiment. The imagery is of course much more powerful than the narrative (plot). As such the piece strikes me as more poetic than fictional. I like the biblical parallel of destruction of the universe in 6 days. This is the kind of piece that sinks in and gets personalized by the reader over time.

One edit:

passerby = passersby

ButteredKazoo · 07-26-2006, 10:25 AM

Thanks for the comment, Chris. Glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah, I was going more for imagery here than plot. Thanks for the edit too. I'll fix that now.

LoneWolf · 07-26-2006, 09:48 PM

Oh wow. I liked this too. Your style of writing this was genius. I commend you because I could definitely not pull this off. The imagery is great, I agree. The last part is my favorite, with the parallelism of the sentences and the promises of bad things to come.

Quote:

There is no seventh day.
You do not want to know.

I love the ending here. And nice job incorporating your name into the piece (that piece of imagery was wonderful, btw). Great work, thanks for the read!

LW

ButteredKazoo · 07-26-2006, 10:02 PM

Thanks a bunch for the comment, LoneWolf. It's great to hear that more and more people are enjoying this story.

iamlikethiswithoutcoffee · 07-26-2006, 10:54 PM

Heh, although I'm sure I did not understand half of those words (and I'm too lazy to get out the dictionary) I really enjoyed it. Especially 'On the first day' and beyond.

Neat stuff.

ButteredKazoo · 07-26-2006, 11:19 PM

Why, thank you coffee. Knowing what the bigger words mean beings a better sense for the imagery, but it's not completely important. Just a general idea or guess works.

RachelA · 07-27-2006, 03:14 AM

I'm sorry, I consider myself to be of reasonable intelligence but this was very hard to get a grasp on. For example

When previewed synaptically, prepossessingness often brings joy to those with cloud bins, yet may reverse the wealth of even the wealthiest of cloud catchers.

What does that mean? It's like I have to read over every sentence over and over to try and figure out what you are saying here but it still doesn't make any sense to me. This then makes me feel like I must be stupid because other people seem to have understood, or if not understood then enjoyed it. It becomes a little clearer with the seven days part but even so, it doesn't seem to have a focus. Are you talking about science or the apocalypse? Are any of these statements true or made up? Can you please give us some kind of synopsis for what this piece is before I go back to my parents and berate them for not educating me enough. Rant over. I've gotta go read your other stuff now so I can be nice. I hate being nasty.

AHardRain · 07-27-2006, 04:27 PM

That was fucking awesome.

Brilliant.

ButteredKazoo · 07-28-2006, 12:03 AM

Quote:

I'm sorry, I consider myself to be of reasonable intelligence but this was very hard to get a grasp on. For example

When previewed synaptically, prepossessingness often brings joy to those with cloud bins, yet may reverse the wealth of even the wealthiest of cloud catchers.

What does that mean? It's like I have to read over every sentence over and over to try and figure out what you are saying here but it still doesn't make any sense to me. This then makes me feel like I must be stupid because other people seem to have understood, or if not understood then enjoyed it. It becomes a little clearer with the seven days part but even so, it doesn't seem to have a focus. Are you talking about science or the apocalypse? Are any of these statements true or made up? Can you please give us some kind of synopsis for what this piece is before I go back to my parents and berate them for not educating me enough. Rant over. I've gotta go read your other stuff now so I can be nice. I hate being nasty.

I think you might have overlooked this:

Quote:

The "general picture" is what I wanted people to see, not the "literal picture". The story is not meant to be read literally. It is full of themes and symbolism that all produce the bigger picture.

The first half is not suppose to read like a poem. It was written in the style of an informative article, and the reason for this was to give the reader an unbiased perspective on the state of society before the end of the world.

The second half (where it starts with "On the first day, . . .") was written in a sort of biblical fashion. Anyone who has read the beginning of the Book of Genesis will understand why.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy my other stuff.

-------

Quote:

That was fucking awesome.

Brilliant.

Thank you.