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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
07-19-2006, 10:18 PM
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#1
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Aotearoa New Zealand
Gender: Male
Posts: 16
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Conversation
‘Hey Dad, do you love me?’
‘Of course my son, I love you more then anything in the world. More then a million cases of beers, more then all the steak I could eat in a thousand sittings’
‘Ha-ha. No, but Dad I need to know, do you seriously love me?’
‘Yes, how could I not? You’re my only son’
‘Enough to tell me the truth?’
‘Yes, enough to not tell you the truth sometimes too’
‘Dad, stop joking round! I need to know do you love me enough to tell me the truth?’
‘Of course I do son, why do you ask?
‘Dad, I need to know, can you tell me the truth? Will I wake up after? Will I see you again? Will I be a man like you one day? Will Mum stop crying? I need to know before I close my eyes. I told Mum I’d be brave. I don’t know if I can’
‘My son, my beautiful son. Yes you will wake up. I know you will. Me and your mother will be right here when you wake up. And we will be the whole time watching you grow to be a man, strong and tall, until one day it’ll be me looking up to you, just you wait and see’
‘I love you Dad. Can I tell you something?
‘Anything’
‘Everyone at school wants you to be their Dad. They told me before I left’
‘It’s not a hard job to be a great Dad, you make it so easy’
‘Hey Dad, do you remember that time at the beach? We had a fight and I ran away and fell out of the tree, remember?’
‘And broke your arm? Yeah of course I remember’
‘I hated you that day Dad. I wanted to run away as far as I could, so I climbed as high as I could. I wish I hadn’t done that. I could never hate you’
‘It’s ok. It’s in the past now’
‘You picked me up and carried me to the beach house’
‘Yeah your right, I did’
‘Dad when you were carrying me I remembered being a baby kid again. You used to throw me in the air. I thought that was flying. I didn’t think I’d ever land’
‘My little man, I’ll catch you every time. Don’t you worry you’ll never fall’
‘Even when you’re as old as Grandpa?’
‘Well, by then you’ll have your own son and it’ll be him that’s being thrown in the air by you’
‘Do you think I’ll have a son?’
‘I know you will’
‘I’m getting sleepy now Dad’
‘Close your eyes then my little man.’
‘Hey Dad, will it all be ok?’
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07-20-2006, 08:24 AM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,550
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Very nice. Simple. Hard to make an all dialogue piece fly, but you managed. I was afraid you were going to end it on a joke of some sort. I'm glad you left it open.
May I ask why none of the sentences have a period at the end? Except the last one... Hmmmm, I may have just answered my own question.
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07-20-2006, 08:34 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: BLDG. 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,567
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It is very nice.. I like it because it has this flowing emotion. I agree with Chris, you don't find 'only dialogue' stories here, so good job.
It would be much better if you make it longer though..
__________________
"The great art of life is the sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." -Lord Byron
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07-20-2006, 08:11 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wymore, Nebraska
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,046
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Very good, I was fighting back tears. I never get tired of stories like these. And each one has its own special quality.
It simple, and simply beautifully done.
__________________
Simplicity is such a beautiful thing. Take a look at the simple things around you.
I will try to respond in kind.
http://wordsprings.blogspot.com/
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07-20-2006, 08:51 PM
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#5
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Addict
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Perth, WA
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
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Nice one Buckit 
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07-21-2006, 06:44 AM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,139
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It was nice. The emotion wasn't strong enough to move me or make me care about the people, but it was enough for me to recognise it... You need to proof read this.
__________________
It's only natural to want something profound in your sig.
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