nickmanning214

Scarlet Shady stared at the body in awe. Right in front of her eyes: Sam the Butler, with blood oozing from the chip in his scalp, and a broken red and white candlestick adjacent to him. The candlestick used to be plain white.
"The blood is still wet..." observed Scarlet, "The murderer is still in this room." They were in the billiards room. She eyeballed her guests: Carmen Magenta, Mr. and Mrs. Viridian, and Jack the Murderer.
"It wasn't me!" exclaimed Carmen. "I was playing billiards with Mr. Viridian---I swear!"
"It's true." agreed Mr. Viridian, as he stuck out his chalky hands.
"I was pleasantly watching them." said Mrs. Viridian calmly. "Isn't that right poo-poo bear?"
"Yes it is, honey. I love you." Mr. Viridian squeaked.
The clock struck midnight and a chime went off. "What is your story, Jack the murderer?"
"I was murdering the butler," explained Jack the murderer.
"Hm..." thought Scarlet. "Someone here is the murderer, and I know who it is." Scarlet pointed at her main suspect. "You're under arrest!"

CAN YOU GUESS?! WHO IS THE MURDERER! SCROLL DOWN TO FIND OUT.













"You're under arrest!" exclaimed Scarlet as she pointed at Jack the murderer.
"Blast! How did you know?!" asked Jack the murderer with great urgency.
"In your ingenious plan to hide your act of crime, you overlooked two small details."
"Oh yeah? What were those!?"
"Well, first of all, your name has murderer right in it!"
"Drat! I knew I should have thought that name over!"
"Ha..yes...but your plan was especially ruined when you said 'I was murdering the butler'"
"What is your point?"
"Since Mr. Viridian and Carmen were playing pool, Mrs. Viridian was watching, and you were murdering the butler, you must have been the one that murdered the butler!"
"Darn! And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you and you're dumb detective work!"
"Well I guess I am a killer detective…hahahahaha.” So, that night everyone enjoyed a laugh and the world was one notch safer.

Jiieden

I like the attitude of this piece, it's rather whimsical and playful, and I like that. Sorry I have nothing more in-depth to say, but that's about all I can muster. A charming
satire of an exhausted genre...

Hakeem

All I can say that descriptions are nice.. and like Jiieden, I can't figure anything else to say because it's not much of a story... gave me a laugh at the end though..

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"The great art of life is the sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." -Lord Byron

Atom

She eyeballed her guests: Carmen Magenta, Mr. and Mrs. Viridian, and Jack the Murderer.

^ This part made me laugh

The whole second part was unneeded. It wasn't exactly funny... what would have been better is if someone else had done the murder. Like all 3 of them conspired against Jack.

__________________
I wear my scars like the rings of a pimp

Short Stories:
You Believe Me Right?
The Gallows
Hospital Visit
The Hitchhiker
Knocks
The Nuthouse

I return favors.

Fantasy of You

The blood is still wet, the murderer is still in this room... Made me laugh- the stupidest (I know it's not a word) detective in the world.

And Atom i agree

I hope this was meant to be a cliche piece- it was fun, but obv cannot be taken seriously.

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It's only natural to want something profound in your sig.

Brandon K.

hahaha i love it. i like all the little details you put into the story.

"Blast! How did you know?!" asked Jack the murderer with great urgency.
^ Good stuff.

You can edit the last few sentences and make it more original

. "...and the world was one notch safer."
^ I liked that, but the rest of the ending could use editing.

Overall the mood of the story is excellent. I'd love to read more stories like this.

Crepuscular

Ha ha. That was funny. Jack the Murderer. Indeed. So silly.

nickmanning214

nooo making jack the murderer not the murderer wouldnt have been funny...it would have been like "ha...how ironic!"

Ruben

Is anybody else also mentally imprinting Jack Nicholson as the murderer here? (including 90° crooked eyebrows between his mouth-corners à la The Joker)

cacafire

I laughed, but I'm more interested in the solemnity of it. Oh, what the hell, it was waaay too obvious. But still had funny dialogue, so I'll let it slide.

-Cacafire

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Critique my pieces, and I'll gladly return the favor: Mita of the sky: II, Gloving_Country, Shared Qualms(check this one out!), Gloving country-II, , Capoeira, Father and Son, Silence Come, The Lad I Knew

Glfralin

Cheesy, but I think that's totally intended. I got a kick out of it.