Deeha

When I was little I used to pray every night that I'd find my dream guy, tall, dark, with a big smile to match his warm heart. Send chills down your spine sexy and I'd kiss my pillow to end the prayer before I close my eyes and sleep.

Damn, what the hell happened. I'm in love, so much it hurts. My heart aches, my lips yearn my lovers lips. Its something I never expected this girl. This other girl. I still can't believe it. I'm in love with another girl.

I'm scared of so many things, being sentenced to an eternity in the earth's fiery depths, but then again the thought of losing her makes me want to jump off a bridge and what if one day she realizes that I really don't even deserve her. I love her so much, everything I believed in I'm going against.

Every second she's not near, every second she's not calling me, or messaging me, I'm waiting to hear for her, thinking about her. Wanting her and it scares me to say fantasizing about her. Another lady's body, all her perfect curves her long wavy hair and perfect lips. It is the scariest thing I've ever felt, this love. But all I want is to hold her hand walking through the mall, and hug her tight in the dark.

I need her love so much, more then she needs mine, far more, though she thinks that untrue. I struggle every day with this man how can I trust any other man and in my struggle I need someone to hold on to when I'm crying. She is my rock, the foundation of my heart.

I've never known a love like this. I've never known love. So will someone please tell me please should I feel this pain from my lover's kiss?

take a whiff on me

Is this a short story?

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Chris Miller

In what way is this fiction, or creative writing? At best it's a horribly cliche poem. At worst it's a melodramatic journal entry. If it weren't so self absorbed and painfully subjective it might have potential as the beginning of something. Not badly written.

lovers lips = lover's lips

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the fairwriting blogs


"Almost brilliant."
My most recent peer review!

Deeha

Yea I think its the beginning of something/ kind of venting because I have a headache. But thanks for the input.

RachelA

It's very easy to get carried away with the "emotions and feelings" of a piece and I found I had to develop strict control not to do this in the past. It's not generally considered good writing. This doesn't mean you can't write though. Try writing about something that's not about you or your feelings and try to distance yourself a little from the emotions of it.