Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Short Stories
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-28-2006, 07:59 AM   #1
Prolific Writer
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 296
bheid1.01 is on a distinguished road
Invocation of Herisepef

Invocation of Herisepef





The god Herisepef is said to be cursed to sleep for the rest of eternity, imprisoned within his own temple. Not for long though, thought Daniel Shesmu, deep in concentration. He was inside the very temple that contained the essence of the dark God, translating the strange writing contained on the alter. Above it was a large stone gargoyle, eight feet tall, claws out in fine display. Dried blood decorated the ends of them; someone must have been pushed on them. Daniel looked up and shuddered, if anything looked intimidating, that was it. The very air around it cowered in its presence.[/font]

“Sir we've found something!” A man shouted to him. Daniel reluctantly abandoned his task and darted his scowling face at the mercenary.

“This best be important.” he whispered to himself. He pushed himself up from the floor with his hands and started to walk towards the man. The temple had a red colour scheme, the walls were a shade of natural crimson. But the floor wasn't supposed to be red, it consisted of white marble that had been tarnished by large dry blotches of blood. Considering the size of the one room that made up the temple, that was lot of blood.

“What is it?” he said to the group of men.

“You'll have to look yourself, Sir.” he pointed at the floor, or, where the floor was supposed to be. Either the tile was inky black, or there was a hole. Daniel got back on the abused knees of his business trousers and peered down it.

“Throw a flare down it.” he said, not averting his eyes.

“That's the thing sir; we already did.” Daniel jolted his head back and stared at the men.

“And you let me look down there?!” You idiot!” Daniel drew the automatic handgun from the back of his trousers, but before he could shoot, another gun shot echoed through the halls. Joined by a grunt of pain.

Daniel darted his eyes to the origins of the blast, and saw another group of mercenaries, not his own. Worst still, he saw Elizabeth, a lover of his. In the nozzles of the rifles they held, blasts of fire spewed, spraying the corridors with lumps of metal and splinting open the fleshy exteriors of his men, who fell in a red haze.

“Return fire!” he shouted, but before his men could comply, their attackers suddenly set on fire. About half her men suddenly ignited and started flailing their arms about. Their entire bodies writhed in flame, but they didn't run. Daniel looked, and found their feet appeared to be sinking into the marble. All gunfire ceased, as all eyes fixed themselves on the burning men. Most of the flaming figures stopped screaming, stopped doing anything, and just sunk into ground. Those who were still alive struggled, and appeared to be sinking faster. Crackling flesh echoed through the room, as the last remnants of a finger slid through the ground, gone forever. Then silence.

The silence was violated by a twin crunch and bang, as the only corridor that allowed exit from the room sealed itself with a falling wall, which landed on someone's foot.

The two factions each stared at each other, not having the sheer suicidal will to move.

“Strange.” Daniel muttered. “What the hell are you doing here, Elizabeth?” he shouted across the room.

“You have no right to cut me out!”

Daniel approached her men, forgetting all fear. “What the hell are you talking about!?”

Elizabeth closed the distance, aiming her handgun with two hands and blowing her brown hair from her eyes. “You don't want to shoot me,” Daniel chuckled “not in here.”

She sighed, and pistol whipped him viciously around the head. Daniel fell.



He awoke in the presence of his men, and immediately took hold of his injured head. He winced as dried blood came off in the palm of his hand. “Stupid bitch.” he looked around the temple and saw a fire at the other end of the room.

“We've separated into two camps, Sir; us and them.” A soldier said, noticing him awaken.

With no sunlight coming from the outside, the temple was deathly cold, and as dark as the abyss he had looked down earlier. His own camp fire illuminated the remnants of his men.

“I have to meet her,” he said. “What did you get to burn?” he asked, due to the distinct lack of wood.

“The clothes from the casualties, Sir.”

“That's fucking disgusting. Good work.” he said, wondering where the bodies were, before blotting it out, he really didn't want to know. “Give me a sock or something, I need to talk to their ringleader.” The soldier chuckled and gave him an electric torch.

“Whatever.” he turned it on and focused it on the ground, illuminating the new pools of blood and his gory clothes. He noticed he had no socks himself.

He kept one cautious eye on the floor, making sure there was no holes, and one on the opposing camp fire. He walked through the puddles, making morbid splashing noises though the newly shed blood. It seeped through the leather and made contact with his bare skin.

“Let me talk to your leader!” he shouted at their camp fire. Movement came from the ground; Daniel shone his torch on it. It was Elizabeth, getting up from her back. She picked up her own torch, and another ray of light illuminated the room. It shone on Daniels face, shrinking his pupils to dots and making him screw up his blue eyes in pain.

“What'd you want, Dan?” she shouted back.

“I need to talk to you!”

She sighed and jogged towards him. “What’d you want?” she said, mustering all her scorn for the query.

“Why did you come in here and kill most of my men?” he asked, ignoring her bile.

“You killed my parents and left me! The police thought I'd killed them!”

Daniel crossed his arms, “you asked me to. Besides, I told you I was looking for something important.”

“You were gone for six months!”

“If you haven't noticed, I'm still working on it!” he sighed. “And now we're trapped, Herisepef won't appear in front of rival factions.”

“What'll we do, then?” said Elizabeth, still reluctant to give up her hate.

“What I meant to do six months ago.” he fished in his pocket, and pulled out a golden ring. He got onto his knees, letting the blood soak into his kneecaps. “Will you marry me, Elizabeth Brahmana?”

Violence and hatred drained itself from Elizabeth's face, giving away to joy, “yes.” The light from her torch hit the diamonds on the ring, causing the light to fracture and illuminate them both. She took hold of his head and forced his lips onto hers, both pairs of hands withdrew their fingers from the trigger guards. “By your ring, we are one faction.” she whispered.



“Attack the enemy encampment.” Daniel said, back at his own fire. “But don't kill the leader, I want her alive.”

“But, Sir, you saw what happened to the other people!” A soldier protested.

“It's ok, I nullified the magic’s at work.”

“But-”

“You do as I say or I'll set you on fire myself!”

“Yes, sir!” the mercenaries got to their feet and started towards the opposing campfire. Daniel watched as they each took a piece of burning clothes from the fire.

A bullet hesitantly left the chamber of a barrel and reluctantly ended the life of a standing soldier, he feel onto Elizabeth's fire and started to burn. The man whose chamber it had left clenched his eyes and waited to burn himself. Encouraged due to lack of hellfire, further bullets left the confines of the gun, and happily smashed themselves into marble, walls and skulls. But then the man fell backwards, missing a fragment of his spine as a bullet ripped it out in retaliation. Other guns took it's place though. Blood spilled itself and made further puddles, copper zipped through the fleshy human machines that threw them.

Daniel's men soon stood victorious in the enemy’s camp, no more resistance, no able men. They drew their knives and began to work on the wounded, silencing cries for help.

They sought out Elizabeth, who had no gun on her person, and grabbed her by the arm.

“We won sir.” said the solider to Daniel, who had strolled to the fire.

“Elizabeth.” said Daniel.

“Daniel.” said Elizabeth. She dropped the object in her hand, which fractured the light as it fell. The silence that had grown over the scene was pulled back by a tinkling of gold hitting marble. Elizabeth pulled her arm away from the man that held her, who then burst into flames. He screamed in protest, along with the few remaining soldiers, and began to sink into the floor.

The two psychotic lovers started to kiss as their remaining troubles slid into oblivion. Kiss alongside a fiery chorus, and finally kiss among the darkness and silence.



The door that had held them captive slid back into it's hiding place, letting the sunlight beam into the room, and illuminate the bloody chaos. Elizabeth had picked her ring up, and with the absence of others, they were truly one.

“After me,” Daniel said, using the light to translate the message on the alter. “I summon thee, Herisepef, to do our bidding, to appear in chains in front of us and grant your favour.”

Elizabeth repeated it under her breath, over and over. They were kneeling in the puddles of gore. In the light, Daniels black trousers were red, and new found speckles covered both their faces and hair, so much so that Elizabeth looked like a red-head.

They got to their feet and approached the gargoyle statue, “We summon thee, Herisepef, to do our bidding!” they both shouted. “To appear in chains in front of us and grant us your favour!”

A mighty roar broke loose from the forgotten abyss, and darkness surrounded them both. It swirled around the couple at first curious, but then the curiosity broke away to rage. The darkness tore through them both, releasing their cells from their confines and destroying their bonds. They both fell to the floor a puddle, merging with the corpses of the men.



A listener to all this would of heard one word after their deaths; coming from the very unnatural darkness itself. “Humans...” the voice then charged back down the hole, and went back to sleep.



End.

1757 words.
__________________
NaNoWriMo participant.

(working) title: Something Blasphemous.
Words so far: 4013

Last edited by bheid1.01 : 06-28-2006 at 08:01 AM.
bheid1.01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2006, 02:54 PM   #2
Prolific Writer
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Edmonton
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
Flexbile Garphite is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to Flexbile Garphite
My comments are: doesn’t blood dry purple? I guess maybe it could have been “new” blood…….. well anyways it was pretty good, I was able to read the whole thing, but there were a few syntax errors, about three I think. I also felt that the use of “gore” in the story was making up for the lack of ability to actually tell a story. I’m sure that’s not what you meant to do, it’s just that’s how it felt. The story didn’t follow a short story format, i.e. the central character didn’t change or learn anything about himself, except for, I guess, dying. Well those are my thoughts. Bye for now.
__________________
F.G.
===============
"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." -Jung
"Blessed be the cracked people, for they let in the light." -anon
"Issues with nice men are unbearable. Issues with jerks are workable." -anon
Check out some of my literary work at: http://www3.telus.net/public/xmler
Flexbile Garphite is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:23 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers