Utterly Texas - Writers Forum

Not Goldfield Worthy · 06-26-2006, 06:50 AM

“What, if anything, ought to be restituted?” “Banal” the angry reply came. The gay jingoist never diluted his revenge prospects yet the gay jingoist had no choice at the current hour. The polemic nurse perched atop the corpse. “Gentrification, by the by, is nowhere near as satisfactory as excesses.” The gay jingoist put forth. Caught up in a vicious swathe of enlightenment and ecstasy, the polemic nurse collapsed, choking on her own verbal factory. The gay jingoist, though not fighting Marquee De Saad, had precocious thoughts of nipple torture. The gay jingoist shined with the windows. But then, justice clamor followed with justice folk dismissed liberty. The gay jingoist was dipping sauce and they were the dancing bacon……..

Chris Miller · 06-26-2006, 09:01 AM

Nice use of language, but this has the feel of random metaphors hoping for depth, hoping for meaning. Even read as pure poetry, the symbols want for narrative to ancor themselves on to. Neither the characters nor messages came alive for me in this one. But because of its size, it was painless. "Clarity trumps brevity," said the mentally diminished critic.

Actually, it reads a little like some of the prose spam uses to defeat spam filters.

“Gentrification, by the by, is nowhere near as satisfactory as excesses.” The gay jingoist put forth.

One sentence only. E.g. "...excesses," the gay..."

gohn67 · 06-26-2006, 12:54 PM

Hey Not Goldfield Worthy,

I read both your pieces under the same title. In terms of style and content it reminds me of Naked Lunch. The sentence phrasing and rhythm seems similar to me. The use of "gay jingoist" also reminded of how Burroughs would name some of his characters or at least I think so. I don't really remember for sure though. It has kind of that surreal feel to it with your choice of images like "nipple torture." It also has some black humor but not as extreme as Naked Lunch. Or maybe it is just use of "gay jingoist" that made me think that you were trying to emulate the style of Naked Lunch.

Flexbile Garphite · 06-26-2006, 02:50 PM

That was really confusing. I couldn't really tell, but I think there were a few syntax errors in there that made it difficult to read. I liked the words you used, though.

ebmadman · 06-27-2006, 02:11 AM

What's up NGW, this one was okay, but it didnt flow as well as the other. Towards the end, it began to feel really jumbled. Still, I'm a fan of your writing style, and look forward to reading your other work.

Not Goldfield Worthy · 06-27-2006, 06:15 AM

This work failed on all levels I was hoping for compared to the earlier piece. However, I'm trying my hardest, and if I'm simply a hack, I'm simply a hack.

Thanks for the criticisms though, I need as much as I can.