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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 06-17-2006, 03:08 PM   #1
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Snap.

"Fuck you, you've never been there for me!" one brown-haired adult yelled at his parents. His little brother stood there in between the doorway looking on through glass eyes. It was only a matter of time before the entire family was in an argument.

"You ungrateful little asshole! I guess you're right, your life was so hard, what with the meals on the table every night and the constant gifts me and your mother throw at you." one not-so-fatherly figure yelled back. Robert was a step-father and continued one father's previous era of dominion. He was following Frank, a meth-addict that had at once held dominion over the family with a violent mind. The youngest brother, staring on, was a direct relation to Frank. The arguing brother was the youngest brother from a high-school relationship his mother had with Bill Haskins, now a drugged out loser living in a dilapidated house miles out of town.

"Well, my life hasn't exactly been easy. Looking back it's not all blowjobs and lollypops!" The arguing brother continued.

"Well, maybe if you weren't smoking pot all the time life would be easier!" The mother chimed in, drunk as usual in these occasions. "Darren, I don't know why you've got to fight with us all the time. These mood swings are obviously from you using drugs all the time! You're acting just like Bill! Do you want to be a loser, is that it?"

"You've always got to tell me how much of a loser my dad is, if I couldn't gather that when he ran out on us!" The arguing brother, now in tears continued to talk, "I don't know why you've got to-"

And that's when they heard it. A low moan from behind everyone. The brother who was once walking was now fully involved in the argument. Robert's face contorted as he came to realize that all this time he had been in unknown territory. The glossy-eyed watcher had snapped off a table leg.

"What are you doing?" The mother asked, receeding to the back of the room. Robert stood tall, and began to walk towards the leg-weilding child.

"You little prick, you're going to hit me?" Robert asked, moving closer with each passing second.

"You're a dick, all you care about is money. You've never had a father, and you sure as hell don't know how to act like one. Just because you've decked out a few favors doesn't entitle you to our unflagging devotion just as I'm not entitled to your trust." The young one spoke. He was not so young anymore, and they were too busy fighting to notice he had grown up.

Robert had been emasculated by the words of the child, and the only thing he had left to do was approach. Sticking his chest out as if to say: I'm the alpha male.

But he wasn't. The reign of violence and biggness only goes so far. The young, now grown up child had swung the table leg into his stepfathers head, not noticing the nail sticking out of the side.

The house shook with the screams of many as Robert began to die on the floor.
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Old 06-17-2006, 05:40 PM   #2
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This has a detatchedness that sort of makes it every family's story. I've seen it used a few times, where the characters are more proper nouns than names. Not sure you should ever use a name in this case, just "The Stepfather," "The Mother," "The Older Brother," etc. The transition of the alpha male and legacy of violence was neat, but could have been shown more and told less, drawn out more too. The ending was too abrupt for me. I was just starting to connect emotionally, and then splat. It's over.

But this is good, has real potential.

Couple typos:

"drunk as usual in these occasions"
in = on

stepfathers head = stepfather's head
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Old 06-17-2006, 06:21 PM   #3
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Hey, thanks.

I use the stepfather's real name due to him being the main focus of the argument. He seems to disrupt everything and I kind of wanted him to be seen as the only "real" person. I would have shown the legacy of violence, but I would have had to spell it out in many more words. It takes a long time to paint a picture of blood.

Thank you.
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