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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 06-14-2006, 11:48 PM   #1
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Abandoned

A tribute to the fifteen year old dog who was abandoned at my local animal shelter a couple of years ago.

He sits alone in his run, his head cocked to hear the voices he longs to hear. His coat is patchy, his eyes long blinded with cataracts, his body crippled by arthritis. He sits and waits for those who left him here. Those who have taken care of him his whole life, from the day they brought him home as a puppy to today, the day they brought him here. He is fifteen years old. A small, nondescript black dog with a scruffy coat and floppy ears. His tail wags when we speak to him; his pink tongue finds our hands when we stroke him. He will spend the rest of his life here. Here, in a small run surrounded by strangers. The people who have cared for him his whole life up until now are suddenly unable to take care of him any longer. He doesn’t get on with the new puppy they brought home. He’s no fun anymore. He doesn’t run and play the way he used to do. All he does is lie there. The excuses are endless. He’s old; he can’t do these things anymore. He asks for little. A warm spot to curl up by the fire, a soft bed, food he can chew with the few teeth he has left. A gentle hand to stroke his patchy fur, a gentle voice to guide him because he cannot see. Is that really so much to ask? This little dog sits and waits patiently. Waiting for those who don’t want him anymore, who abandoned him because he can no longer run and play. He doesn’t understand that they don’t want him. He doesn’t know that they will never return, that they’ve replaced him with a puppy who, in fifteen years, will probably share his fate. His head cocks at each new voice he hears and there is disappointment in his eyes when he realises it isn’t his family come to claim him back. But still he sits and waits on the cold stone of his run. Sits and waits for those who will never return and who probably never spare a thought for the dog they abandoned near the end of his life.
The small black dog with the patchy coat and floppy ears was found dead on that cold stone one morning. He died alone, with no one to love him and no one to ease his passing with soft words and a gentle touch.
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Old 06-14-2006, 11:59 PM   #2
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It touched me to read such a sad thing, though I'm sure it'll happen more than once One of my biggest complaints is the repetition of 'He' maybe call him 'the dog' more often or something? Very touching, though. Some things were already said that you didn't need to say again like "Who abandoned him because he can no longer run and play." you already said this before, why say it again?

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Those who have taken care of him his whole life, from the day they brought him home as a puppy to today, the day they brought him here
"From the day they brought him home as a puppy to the day the brought him here" using the word 'today' makes it sound funny.

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Old 06-15-2006, 12:14 AM   #3
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Thanks for the advice I guess I somehow missed the repetition. I see what you mean about the 'today' part. That really doesn't sound right.
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Old 06-15-2006, 10:06 AM   #4
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Beautiful, hearfelt little essay. I think they would have put him down though instead of waiting for him to die. Is this true?
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Old 06-15-2006, 10:45 AM   #5
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I agree with alice that He is used a bit too many times and it should be switch to the dog. It's a sad but good story.
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Old 06-15-2006, 09:00 PM   #6
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Aw.

"nondescript black dog with a scruffy coat and floppy ears"

The way you wrote this was entirely in one direction, unmoving until the dog died. I wonder what motivated you to dig into the past and then into a useless dog from years ago. The animal shelter is lucky to have a writer on the premise - drop a handful of sand on the dog's grave for me. Satisfaction.

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