Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
06-14-2006, 06:48 PM
|
#1
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Aus.
Gender: Female
Posts: 269
|
losing confidence
Today was different. Today, for the first time ever I wore a skirt to preschool. The first and the last.
In the morning I walked through the gate, it creaked as it swung back. I waited for the clink of the latch to tell me it was safe, before a broke my tip toe into a steady walk.
I was nervous in my skirt and when it was time for us all to sit down in a group and sing songs, shy, I edged away from the boys and sat with my legs to the side near the rest of the girls in their pretty pink dresses.
The morning had gone relatively quickly. Now being playtime my mind had shifted to the camera in my hand. I'd already taken photo's of the Sydeny Harbour bridge and the giraffe at the zoo. Now I placed the camera down and went searching for a boy doll amongst all the girl ones.
I felt a presence near me. Standing where I had just been, was Phoebe, grinning from ear, to ear, my camera in her hand. I asked for it back, she shook her placid head and cheekly stepped out of reach, tempting me to chase after her.
So I did. Around in circles we went on the carpet. She squeled when I'd get too close. I'd slow down for a bit, giving her a head start, then chase after her suddenly.
I could have easily caught her, but that wasn't my objective. Seeing her smile and hearing her laughter was magical. She may have been deaf but she understood.
Soon it was lunch time and shortly after all us kids went out to play. The sand pit was huge but there would always be someone standing on someone else's sand castle.
Jan called at the door, "Storytime."
This was my favourite part of the day. I quickly dusted my hands off and headed in doors. But upon reaching the door, I saw my reflection in the gaze. I was getting use to this whole idea of a skirt.
I blinked and my focus changed. I could see the outline of somebody on the other side. I leant closer, my breath making fog on the glass.
It was Phoebe waving as she headed for the story area around the corner. I smiled and waved back and then she was gone. I stared after her.
All of a sudden I felt a rush of cool air on the back of my legs. I gasped and turned around. There he was, wearing a malevolent sneer, as tears streaked down my face.
|
|
|
06-14-2006, 11:39 PM
|
#2
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
|
Hey there. I didn't get it, had a boy lifted up her skirt? Didn't make much sense. It was a neat read, but I didn't take much from it and it was kind of scattered.
Quote:
|
before a broke my tip toe into a steady walk.
|
I
Quote:
|
I was getting use to this whole idea of a skirt
|
used
Thats all I found. It was alright, like I said, it was just scattered, didn't make much sense. Could have flowed better.
Alice
__________________
|
|
|
06-15-2006, 12:45 PM
|
#3
|
|
Writing Machine
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: South Carolina
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,948
|
I was enjoying the story up until the end. It was kind of abrupt and I didn't get it. I'm guessing the same thing as alice, that someone lifted up her skirt...? However, I liked how you gave us hints that she was a tomboy. First the being uncomfortable in a skirt, then the looking for a boy doll amongst the girl dolls...it was subtle but it worked.
I agree, it could have flowed better, but with a little tweaking this could be a really great little story. Thanks for the read!
LW
__________________
My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. --Ernest Hemingway
|
|
|
06-16-2006, 05:16 AM
|
#4
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Aus.
Gender: Female
Posts: 269
|
thanks it was just something i scribbled out one day thought i'd see how it went thanks again
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:02 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us:
|
|