Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
06-14-2006, 12:56 AM
|
#1
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: U.S.A
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
|
In the Court of the Crimson King (Part 1)
In the Court of the Crimson King (Part 1 of 2)
The fire had done what fires do: destroy. Like all living creatures, the air only fueled its lungs until flames consumed the entire building, creating a fiery silhouette in the night. Only after this brief hell had sated its voracious appetite, did the flames recede into smoke, which rose from the charred stone and wood for days. The old town chapel was gone, and the only thing left was torn remains, raped with fire and smoke. At the time, it was a great tragedy, but as time passed it became part of the landscape. Five years later, it was as ambiguous as the cemetery connected to it. St. Pierre's Chapel was just another tombstone amongst many.
The local teenagers soon claimed it as a hangout spot since its fiery reputation and subterranean neighbors made it a prime spot for ghosts, or at the least a good place to reach third base and get high. But teenagers grow up, and when your blitzed out of your mind, it is hard to remember to go back for that small bottle of acid and absinthe you left under the left pew.
Robert Livingstone tried in vain to lift a large slab of stone off of the old altar while Johnny and Blair were busy sifting through ashes for anything that may prove valuable. To everyone else in the town, this place was just a burnt out chapel, but to the three fifth graders now inside, digging for lost treasure, it was a palace of black stone and light. Only a few rafters remained while the roof was mostly gone, making large holes in which the sky bled through. Out of all fifteen or so stained glass pictures, only one remained. In which a man in a red robe was depicted, with his arms raised. Half his face was gone and most of his legs, but his presence gave off an odd, regal feel.
“Johnny, come help me will ya?” Robert called behind him. He stood at the foot of the altar and pushed on the corner of the stone slab, but it only budged slightly.
Johnny was busy pulling a large crimson tapestry from underneath a large wooden beam. He bundled it up and dropped it in the center of the aisle as he walked over to where Robert was still struggling.
“Okay, on three. One... two... three!” They pushed simultaneously, and the stone lifted and fell behind the altar, breaking the door off of a small cupboard. They heard the sound of metal clanking against stone, and both rushed behind the altar.
“Hey, we found something!” They called back to Blair, who was busy crawling beneath pews, oblivious to the two of them.
The two boys grabbed the few items that had fallen: Two gold chalices, and some paper with words covering one side. It looked like some sort of speech, but the paper itself might be useful. After all, this was their fort, and eventually rules would have to be drawn up.
“Do you think these are real gold?” Asked Johnny.
“Who knows, man. Blair, get over here. We found stuff!”
“Hey Robert, I found a few good rug things, we can hang them around. Lets put one on that altar.” Said Johnny, as he surveyed the hollow room, looking for the best places to put his tapestries. Then Blair called back at them.
“Hey guys, I found some stuff. I think its some kind of wine or something.” She crawled back through the maze of pews with a green bottle in her right hand.
The sun was beginning to set behind the hills, and soon they would have to be home. Johnny had arranged the tapestries, with one of a great angel ordaining the altar. Blair had thought it best to christen their new fortress in order to make it official, but Johnny wasn't sure about the wine.
“I dunno.” He said. “Isn't that too old to drink?” But Blair reassured him.
“Wine doesn't get old. The best wine is really old, that's how it's supposed to be. Now come on Robert, pour it.”
Robert filled the two glasses to the brim. First, Johnny drank, but could only drink half of it. Blair drank the other half, they both made grimacing faces. Robert lifted his glass and stared into the one remaining eye of the stained glass figure. He drank it till it was empty, and his stomach burned. He felt a white hot surge through him, making his brain light and numbing his fingertips. He saw that Johnny and Blair were already lying down and he did the same. He felt like he had been laying there for days. The sky above him swirled in a blur of stars. In the far off distance, he heard the screaming of some ancient warring tribe. The stained glass man stepped out of his prison, and stood behind the altar.
“Welcome.” He said in a voice that made Roberts head split. “Welcome to the court of the Crimson King.”
__________________
"You have confused the true and the real." -George Stanley
I am worth $2,288,562 on HumanForSale.com
Last edited by A Glass Thought : 06-14-2006 at 04:02 AM.
|
|
|
06-14-2006, 11:48 AM
|
#2
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
|
Very scary. Poor little kids taking acid... It's a really good idea, and you write pretty well. I hope to read more of this  Sorry I can't say more, I have nothing to complain about.
Alice
__________________
|
|
|
06-14-2006, 12:29 PM
|
#3
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,609
|
Nice and clean. Found the normal teenage reflections and actions more interesting than the predictalbe supernatural one. I used to really love that band too: King Crimson. Wasn't this the title of one of their albums?
"...when your blitzed out of your mind."
you're
"He felt like he had been laying there for days."
lying (unless he's a chicken)
|
|
|
06-14-2006, 04:04 PM
|
#4
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: U.S.A
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
|
Aliceedelweiss,
Thanks for liking. The nightmare gets even more real in Part 2. Right now I'm just waiting for more replies before I put up the second half.
Chris Miller,
Yeah, it is the name of a King Crimson album. I was listening to the song Epitaph off of it when I started writing, and yeah.
Thanks for liking so far, have a nice day
__________________
"You have confused the true and the real." -George Stanley
I am worth $2,288,562 on HumanForSale.com
|
|
|
06-14-2006, 04:10 PM
|
#5
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 271
|
I love it.
But what exactly is it that they are drinking?
Absynth, acid, perhaps something altogether different and unknown?
If it was somehow supposed to be clear to the reader, I missed it.
If not and all will be revealed later, then I guess I'm still on track.
In either case, I'm a big fan so far, the scenery especially is awesome.
Last edited by AHardRain : 06-14-2006 at 04:13 PM.
|
|
|
06-15-2006, 05:28 AM
|
#6
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: U.S.A
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
|
AHardRain,
I'm glad you're enjoying this piece. About the drink, it is a mixture of absinthe and acid. I meantioned the teenager forgetting the bottle behind the pew. And if people miss that, it is brought up again in Part 2, which I'll be posting In a few short hours, once I feel I've gotten all the feedback I can out of this part.
__________________
"You have confused the true and the real." -George Stanley
I am worth $2,288,562 on HumanForSale.com
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:09 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us:
|
|