Glen1

I would like this read and critiqued. It is a very short maybe fan fiction story.

January 1st came awful early for me. It’s 7 a.m. and I’m just getting up. As I make my way to the kitchen, my head feels like it is falling off.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Leonard Morsano. Last night was New Year’s Eve. I went to four bars and three parties. I never stopped drinking until about 1 a.m.
At 1 a.m., I arrived back at my home. After I got home I took off my clothes and passed out on the bed. The Fire Engine with its siren blaring woke me up this morning. Finally the coffee is ready. I pour me some and sip it slowly. Four to five cups later, I’m slightly awake. I don’t dare take some aspirin for my headache. To help get rid of the hangover, I ought to take shower. So I get into the shower and turn the water to lukewarm. I let the water run all over my body. Its warmth helps wake me up a little bit. I use some soap and then I feel a whole lot better.
After twenty minutes, I slowly begin to feel better. Next I dry myself off and bleary eyed look In the mirror. Do I dare shave? I shave after putting on the lather. When finished I looked into the mirror and decided that I looked better. After that I got dressed and went to the kitchen for breakfast and coffee. Looking into the refrigerator, I found some milk and in the cupboard some corn flakes. I poured some of the cereal from the package and added some milk in the bowl. I ate heartily and emptied the bowl.
Following breakfast, I called Maureen my date for the last evening. She was just getting up also and had a headache. She mentioned to me that she was not feeling so good. I told her to come over and watch the Rose Bowl game.
She did and I wanted to give her a drink. She refused because her doctor didn’t want her to drink and take medicines. I urged her to take a drink and that it wouldn’t matter if she drank. She got mad and left. On the way out she told me to never call her again.
After she left, I had a six-pack of Coors in the refrigerator that I consumed the whole six-pack. After that, I had a Bottle of Scotch and drank all of it. I got drunk again. I vowed to not quit drinking.
That then was the morning after.

aliceedelweiss

it was...bland. Not to be mean. Kind of boring. Made me think of something you'd post in a blog "I did this, this, this, this, and then I did this." Not much of a plot to it, at least not an interesting one. The sentences are boring, and kind of confusing because they just sound weird.

This sentence really makes no sense at all more than some of the others. Do you consume liquid? I think consume is more of a food-thing. maybe, "After she left, I drank the six pack of coors I had in the refrigerator."

I hope I wasn't too harsh, but this was really bland and boring. What was it a fan fic of? Please don't get offended, this is just my honest opinion. Maybe someone thinks different of it.

Alice

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Rob

Didn't generate much interest, as written. People getting up, being half awake, hung over, taking a shower, it's not enough to interest me. But there is a story here, as you hint at times along the way and at the end. Perhaps you need to write it differently, start with the night before, the date with Maureen, and take it from there?

Thanks for posting.

Cheers,
Omni