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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
06-08-2006, 11:15 PM
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#1
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Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 42
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Not Afraid Of Anything (a little short based on a dream I had)
University corridor. Lunchtime. Fellow students walk past as a bald, middle-aged man asks me if I wish to take his wife home. But I say, grinning,
“Naw, sorry, I don’t.”
“Why is that?” he says. “She said herself she wants to sleep with you.”
“Because this is a little strange, mate.”
He grimaces, as if to mock, and I stare down. My younger brother sits there. I can’t see his face but know he’s okay. Earlier I’d awoken in a stolen car, my brother driving, and he’d jumped out when I’d cursed his stupidity. I’d been worried I’d upset him. But he seems fine now. Thank god.
I notice the man still mocking. I say, “Seriously, mate. I’m not interested.” And I smile.
“What are you smiling at, bud?”
“Nothing. Just myself.”
He steps forward. “I bet you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“You are.”
“Nothing worries me, mate, ” I repeat, but he turns away. I watch as black hair grows over his head, and when he looks back up he now has red eyes and two horns on his forehead.
“Are you scared of me?” he asks.
“Naw.” I tap his shoulder. “Not even you.” Then we laugh together like buds.
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06-08-2006, 11:32 PM
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#2
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: South FL
Gender: Male
Posts: 259
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Lol, pretty weird. I'm not sure how this came into your dream:
"My younger brother sits there. I can’t see his face but know he’s okay. Earlier I’d awoken in a stolen car, my brother driving, and he’d jumped out when I’d cursed his stupidity. I’d been worried I’d upset him. But he seems fine now. Thank god. "
I like the dialogue. Maybe elaborate more on what the guy looked like when he grew horns, if you can remember.
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06-08-2006, 11:49 PM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
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I think this story would have been better if it would have been more structured and more based of your dream, than your dream exactly. Dreams don't make sense, so they don't make for good stories except for in your head, at least in my oppinion.
Quote:
But I say, grinning,
[there shouldn't be a new paragraph here, since it is the same sentence. don't split pargraphs in sentences] “Naw, sorry, I don’t.”
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interesting though. But like I said, if the dream would have been an idea rather than the story it may have been more interresting.
Alice
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06-09-2006, 12:37 AM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2006
Location: I'm sitting in a tin can, far above the world.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,707
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I concur with Alice. It should loose the dreamy oddness. However I liked it still and would love to read it again if you re-wrote it.
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