Magneon

Graduation : Emancipation

We are free. We now repose.

We now flee. We are exposed.

To the harsh, loving world.

One day a young boy entered his first school. He painted and made friends, he wet his pants and played on the swing, he was happy and frustrated, second best and he wanted to be cool.

Later that year at the playground he thought he could do a cool trick on the slide, hit a bump on the way down, and then slipped and smashed his face into the gravely ground. Lesson learned: Don't show off. Not unless you're really good.

In grade one he went to school in mom's car because he was disruptive on the bus. Mom and Dad had hope; He just couldn't sit still. Just after Christmas he pushed a kid off the playground set. The kid told the teacher who then sternly said to the boy, "Now, you weren't being a bully were you?" The little boy didn't know if he should nod or shake his head. He thought 'me, a bully? I want to make people happy, not sad. A bully? That's not what I want to be!' Lesson learned: Be a nice guy.

Grade two came quickly. Suddenly this boy was allowed to play in the woods behind the school. He built tree forts and designed large wooden constructions. It was fun. The classroom had an immense library with lots of cool ghost stories. Although the boy had never read a chapter book before, the boy began reading these with a great interest. Libraries fell before his intrigued eyes. Lesson learned: Reading is fun.

Mom and Dad were both teachers, although neither of them taught anymore. Mom announced that next year she would be home-schooling. The boy thought that home-schooling sounded like fun and was eager to begin. Grade three through five came and went. His reading improved, his marks improved. Looking back, he wasn't that good at school. Not bad, just average. Home-schooling gave him time to think, time to plan, and time to read. This does not mean that he did nothing socially: he played soccer and basketball, joined cub scouts, and did speed skating at various points in his home-schooling years, but he became introspective and self critical. But not in a negative way. Lesson learned: Never stop thinking.

One day he came across a book that was far larger than any that he had seen before. This wonder was comprised of over 1300 pages, and featured two authors rather than the more typical one. He was intrigued. It wasn't fantasy, fiction, or even a biography. It was a book about "Computer Secrets" and covered the lesser known intricacies of every day computer use. He read it, from page 1 to page 1281. The index wasn't too interesting. He learned that, as the book made evident, whoever made the computers programs had a lot of fun. The little quirks that happened when you held option as you chose "About This Application" or shift clicked the preferences menu. These wild and wacky things in a seeming logical environment tweaked his interest. He borrowed his dad's old computer. He bought his own computer. He found an old demo CD with a copy of MetaL BASIC. A programming language. Programming was for people in lab coats and university degrees, but his parent's constant praise of his school work made him think that he could handle it. He learned to program BASIC before he knew algebra. He learned how to use the trig functions before he could understand what they were for. He pushed himself and even got 23rd place in an international game programming contest. He now had an extraordinary skill. Lesson learned: If anyone can do something, you can do it too, given the time and the effort.

In grade 10 he went back to public school. His mother just didn't feel comfortable teaching him concepts and ideas that she had never touched: advanced math, physics, chemistry. He entered his class once more, six years later. A stranger. The cool kids were all druggies. People were impolite. Many didn't even try to do well at school. They would not do their homework, they would listen to their walkman in class, and they would never study even one minute for their tests, and then fail, and say "I'm just stupid." He thought, 'if you would just try maybe you would get somewhere.' He put in a good effort and got decent marks. He had an 84.4% average. Not bad, but it galled him to be .1% from high honors. 0.1%, how hard could it be? He promised himself that he would try harder. Next year. Lesson learned: Do what you are doing. Focus on the one task that you should be doing. Don't cheat yourself.

Near the end of grade 10 the school ran elections for student council. He was still a bit shy and quite terrified of speaking on stage, a requisite for running in the elections. But he decided that he would never improve if he didn't push himself, and push himself he did. In two days the school walls were covered in 200 posters, each sporting his smiling face. Perhaps this was a liability rather than an asset. People loved it, not simply despite the fact that they were really funny looking, but because of this. Nobody else had the gall, the ego, or was naive enough to do so. His popularity soared. He wrote his speech. He couldn't fail. People asked to read his speech, but he didn't let them. Only his father read it, but the resulting constructive criticism was patently ignored. The speech came, it was well delivered, it was poorly received. They liked his goals. They hated his methods. He was logical and cold as he spoke of the hard choices, the right choices, the pure facts. After a mixture of booing and applause, he left, disheartened. Obviously he too honest and literal to be a politician. Lesson learned: learn from others. Pride goes before the fall. And if your father happens to be a good guy, listen to every bit of advice he has to offer. At least consider it, think about it.

Grade 11. He was amazed that school had gone by so quickly. Grade 11 already. He had decided to sign up for the hardest courses that the school had to offer. Looking at his marks from grade 10, he figured that he achieved higher marks in a harder, more competitive environment. He was right. That year he excelled, ending the year with a 93% average. And that was with English bringing the average down. You see, despite his love for reading and writing, he never understood English class. In his mind, math class taught you how to use math, science class class taught you science, and thus English class taught you English. Apparently, the system had other ideas. He was tested on where Christine lived, or what a verb was. How this applied to his later life, he is yet to discover, but he struggled away at it. Above all, his greatest accomplishment that year was to make friends with a good many of the advanced students. These were not the people who would end up in the morgue at 27 via overdose of some illicit substance; these were not the people who would become the skill-less peons of society: These were the ones who, although sometimes not the brightest, were the most likely to succeed simply because of their ability to work hard. Lesson learned: Choose your friends wisely. They influence you in every way.

The finale was upon him before he knew it. Hard work had payed off (although he is still amazed to this day) to the tune of 97%. Third in his graduating class. English, 90%. Amazing. His highest English course ever and Math: 97%. His calculator was programmable. History: 97%. He doesn't know why. Everything lined up perfectly. University acceptance, his financial plans, his goals. He was happy, but at this point there was a girl who made him even happier, simply by talking to him. Lesson learned: Life is short. Marks are great, but without love, life is fruitless and devoid of true joy.

And so he looked back at all that had transpired, inspired by the simple magic of every day life, and decided to write it all down, in a plain and somewhat boring fashion. A narrative that perhaps no-one would like, and maybe only he would enjoy, but there, nevertheless, for all to behold.

Graduation : Emancipation

We are free. We now repose.

We now flee. We are exposed.

To our harsh, loving world.

aliceedelweiss

Hey there. First, the gritty bits:

seemingly?
The way this is written I am led to think "They would not listen to their walkman in class" because you started with 'they would not' it is assumed that everything in the list is 'not'. The sentence could be said 'They would not do their homework, they listened[also i think this should be past tense]to their walkmans in class and never study even one minute...'

do you mean his love for reading? Or his love for reading and writing?
other than that grammar and typo junk, it was very good. I liked the plot, and it was written well. Nice job my only other suggestion is that It should be Lesson learned [colon] blah blah blah instead of a whole new sentence.
cheers,
Alice

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Chris Miller

Interesting, an autobiographical short written in the 3rd person.

One gets the feeling that the hardest and most interesting is yet to come. One gets the feeling the the next lesson will be humility, and I mean this in a nice way.

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Magneon

Thank you Alice, I have implemented all of your suggestions. They were all good ideas. I wrote this rather rapidly and without an outline, so there were a lot of mistakes.

And in response to Chris's comment, I added a little section (between the paragraph on Grade 10 and the one on Grade 11). You are right, the character did seem a bit big headed. It is healthy to have high self esteem, as long as it is somewhat founded in achievement, but humility is a crucial part of being a good person in every definition. Which is why I'm here, to get complained about , to improve.

Thank you, both of you

What I am trying to do with this is present the real life (myself), as fiction, and analyze it as so, so that when I write about lives that are entirely fictional, I can create a truly believable character. Does anybody have any thoughts on this idea?

Chris Miller

It was pretty apparent that this was autobiographical. I think every writer writes about himself (or herself). This is good.

"Use your life. That is your material."--Saul Bellows.

"If a great man acheives great things, it is good. If he acheives nothing, it is better, because he will learn humility."--Confucius (I think)

I think there is no such thing as pure fiction or pure non-fiction. I think you have real talent and are off to a great start.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html