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| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
06-05-2006, 11:46 PM
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#1
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Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Oklahoma City
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
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More of short story, working title:Persona (Now with indentation!)
I thought I inserted indentation, but when it posted, it came out with none. Am I doing something wrong? Anyway, a bit more of my work in progress, if anyone cares to take a gander.
He sat there confused and embarrassed as he watched her sashay from the table to fetch the drink. Was he losing his mind? How could this be the same Lydia, the same Irish Lydia from last week? How did she suddenly metamorphose into a feisty southern belle? Why was he even more infatuated with her than he had been before? It wasn’t sexual. He hadn’t felt sexual since his divorce two years ago. Drinking too much had replaced libido, candy and self-loathing had replaced intimacy, if in fact, he’d ever felt intimacy at all. He felt the need to talk to Lydia outside of the restaurant setting and let her tell him all there was to know about herself, which he believed now, must be more than he had imagined. She returned with the drink.
“Here, sugar,” she said. “I’ll be right back to take yer order.”
He heard a waitress greeting a new table on the other side of his booth. He heard her ask the couple how they were doing and if she could bring them both a drink. He heard her distinctly exaggerated Brooklyn accent and when he cautiously peeked his head over the booth, he was not surprised to see Lydia, pad in hand, scribbling the couples’ drink order down.
“May I please have my check?” Bill asked Lydia when she returned to take his order.
“What’s the matter, sug, you not feelin’ well?”
“No, I don’t think I am feeling well,” he said, in a state of confusion.
"Well, sure, darlin’. Let me get it for you.”
He paid for his drink, dropped another twenty for Lydia and drove home with a migraine headache and wondered why in hell he cared so much.
Lydia wondered why the man bothered to come out to eat if he wasn’t feeling well, but she was surprised and flattered to find the twenty dollar bill lying waiting for her on the table after he’d gone. He looked vaguely familiar to her, though she saw a lot of fat, middle-aged men. But she had never received such a large tip for serving one drink, so she decided to make a mental note of him in case he ever came back so that she could make sure to take extra special care of him, that and so she’d remember to be southern again.
She wasn’t sure why she did it, but ever since she’d come to work at the restaurant, she had begun talking to her tables in a different character every time. Another waitress, Amy thought it was hilarious and another one named Joy told her that it was weird and if Mr. Reiner, the manager, ever found out, she would be fired or at the very least, written up. But this didn’t deter Lydia. It was the only way she could force herself through her shifts. Besides, if it hadn’t been for her stupid boyfriend breaking up with her, she wouldn’t have had to take the job in the first place. She honestly couldn’t explain it to Amy when she asked how it had started. It was with her first table on her first day on the floor that she had walked up to the old couple with absolutely no premeditation and greeted them in an undistinguishable foreign accent. She hadn’t looked back since. Sometimes it was hard to come up with new ones and sometimes she did variations on the same voice, but she had seven or eight distinctively different dialects that she kept in constant rotation.
Nobody ever questioned the authenticity of her personas, nor did they even give a hint that they thought Lydia was a fraud. Some looked bewildered at the prospect of having to really listen to her speak in an accent they didn’t care to hear in the first place, though a few expressed absolute delight at the cute little foreign girl or that zany, ditzy brunette from Boston. And Lydia, for all of her very real eccentricities, relished in her many roles, gaining a thrill every time a patron’s tip suggested she’d passed as whatever life she had inhabited for that one hour. Sometimes she assumed several different roles at a time, a new role for each of her tables, while other times she maintained one specific role for the time it took to turn all of her tables again. The one thing that Lydia never considered, though, was a returning customer who would meet an entirely different Lydia than before, and call her on it.
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06-06-2006, 01:48 PM
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#2
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Sep 2004
Gender: Private
Posts: 1,748
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by writenow30
I thought I inserted indentation, but when it posted, it came out with none. Am I doing something wrong?
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Simplest is probably just to leave a blank line between paragraphs so that it's easier to read on-screen. You don't need to worry about indentation then.
Cheers, and good luck,
Omni
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06-07-2006, 07:19 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: May 2006
Location: I don't even know.
Gender: Male
Posts: 221
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Sweet, more of that story.
I'm still enjoying it, but the explanation of Lydia seemed abrupt. You'd been going from the man's point of view from the beginning, then all of a sudden we're into Lydia's head. Of course, I don't know what you have planned for what's next, like if you're gonna switch between the two characters for the rest.
That's all I have to say, seemed an abrupt switch to me. But it's still very interesting, keep going.
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06-08-2006, 11:42 AM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
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You can't add indentations on the forum, I'm sorry to say. if you hit enter twice though, there is a gap between paragraphs, and that is what most people do if they want their piece to be readable.
Alice
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