She was everything to me, and here is the true story I've been endlessly writing for the last 2 hours with no stop about her.
The beginning of the story lies three years ago in a town of corruption and tyranny, a town called cairo which lies in the beautifull scenery of Georgia. It wasn't part of the country though, not a suburbia, or a city. It was what me and most of the locals describe as the dirty south and oh how Cairo would be the capital of the Dirty South, if there was one of course but, this is not a story of Cairo or it's corruption. This is the story of Ashley Toliver who I once considered the queen of this small Grady County town.
I moved here in my 7th grade year unvictimized by the criminal activity and immorality that is so keen in Cairo. I was from a suburbia near Fredericksburg Virginia and the only thing I took part in that was considered "wrong" in our societys stand points was ding- dong ditch. A pleasant game were you simply push peoples door bell and run. It was small and very stupid compared to the extremes of things people did in Cairo. So as you can imagine Cairo, Georgia is the place were I found out about southern evil and the traits of the dirty south. My first day I felt belowered by the male community but, luckily the girls seemed interested in a new kid from the north. As time went by I dated quite a few of them and was friends with mos of them when we weren't dating. All I knew in Cairo was the girls and sadly to say girls got me caught in the addiction of nicotine or to be more specific Ashley Toliver got me doing it. I was in love with her and oh let me tell you the person your in love with has the biggest power of peer pressure over you.
The year went by with out me and Ashley ever dating, it seemed she was one of the only girls I couldn't get to look at me, and It's odd I didn't know I loved her untill me and another girl were having difficulties. I was angry and Ashley was there with her kind smile staring me down with those beautifull blue eyes. I loved her and wanted her but, she was something out of my reach. The worst part was how she'd act like she loved me always hugging me, always laying her head on my shoulder, always with me, always hanging on me, infact most people thought we were dating and were shocked when I said we weren't. I'd always ask her out but, she always said no. I remember her and Samantha use to come to my house and assist me in watching my little brothers. That was a train of memorys I will never forget. I remeber me and Ashley once tried to see how many gum beans we could swallow, and three hours later we were on the floor sick. Everyday back then me and Ashley would just spend our time trying to plot on Samantha with little pranks pissing her off as she would vacuum and talk on the phone at the same time. Those were days so clear and happy, except one thing and that was being with out Ashley relationship wise but, other than that life was a dream.
Then the summer came and we all kind of drifted apart for, I was gone the whole summer at my dads and such, and the time I was at home I was hanging out with M.C.C. not a gang but, an organization were we kept each others back. In the group we had all sorts of names like Blue Brisco, Happy Harris, Putt Putt Pollock, Little Red, etc. Me, I was ice and don't ask me how I acheived this name, they gave it to me. There was about fifty people in M.C.C. but the ones I named were the only ones I cared for. I guess we were considered the leaders. They were the jack-asses of the town. Happy Harris being the biggest one. He was known for being kicked out of every shool in the county before the end of Junior High. He once skate boarded around town wearing nothing but wall-mart bags in which he assisted a rather freaked out kid fix his go-cart. He was the guy who went into wall-mart and wore womens high heels while speeding around on a little girls bike ringing the little bike bell over and over. Once I saw him take one of those little white packets that say do not taste all over them which are meant to keep things fresh and try to sell it to an 11 year old in which Happy was stating the stuff in the packet was crack, and one time we were all walking down the road and an old man who always yells at us at wall-mart pulled up behind us yelling, "get out the damn road" which led to Happy saying "It's not a damn road it's a nice road" after wards pulling his pants down and mooning the old man. I loved living on the edge with them, it kept my mind off of Ashley and the pain in her constantly saying no. I would have shot myself if I would have kept hanging around with Ashley, the girl that just wouldn't be mine.
Our 8th grade year rolled in and thats when I let my self loose from the girls but, of course by the 8th grade girls and guys weren't seperated anymore and parties with Ashley would continue seldomly.I began to hang out with Josh Tuggle and Dean Austin which led to my down fall. Josh Tuggle and Dean had been doing crazy stuff together since kindergarden. Josh once told me of a story were he beat his teatcher with a ruler. The teacher was about to paddle him with it and Josh decided he wasn't getting paddled. Our teachers were corrupt anyways if you weren't preppy and rich you were trash to them but, trust me the preppy kids in Cairo were just as bad as us. Dean and Josh both recieved a print out of their dicipline record 300 pages long in the 8th grade. They were the biggest trouble makers I've ever met but, were good people when you got to know them. Free and out going. When I met them I was intorduced to weed and drinking and all that good stuff. They were both highly into drugs but, everyone was in Cairo but, I mean these are the kids who would huff gas until they pass out at the age of 8. I think it's a good thing they found marijuana as another mean to getting high personally.
I still remember the first night I was with them outside of school. We were all at a fair, and so was Ashley because, she seemed to be Josh's friend as well. I remenber riding the carousell with her it was bliss mixed with utter peircing pain. Anyways we all seperated that night. Me and Josh Tuggle went over to Joe and Josh Stephens house were I would get "fucked up" for my first time and I loved the feeling of pain being entirely obliterated from my body a little to much. It was a good night for me though, of course the most I remember about that night was someone saying god invented the giraffe to get his big dick sucked, and then all of us laughing at Josh (Stephens) who looked like the farmer with a pitch fork in that old gothic painting except Josh was holding a shovel.
That first night was nothing though. The next day I was convinced to spend twenty dollars for one giant blunt of grade A hydro. I laughed the whole night and have never felt better. I then continued on to get high with Josh, or Dean, or all of us together. Everyone gets high in Cairo even Ashley, and I believe that who I did it for. I wanted to impress her and forget her all at the same time.
Day by day I thought and all I thought about was her, her, her. Ashley the godess with golden blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. The one who tied chains to my heart and watched me suffer as she laughed and hugged on me seducing, teasing, and slowly killing my soul. I did it all because, of you Ashley and what have you given me but heart ache. Soon we were completely over. It happened at an all night party. Dean told me that she wanted me to ask her out and she'd say yes. Well, I went over there but, she wouldn't even left her head up to listen to me I told her Dean told me she wanted me talk to her. She just nodded no and at that point I knew Dean the same person who put a firework in my cigarette had lied. I simply just walked away straight into my saviour, Chasity. I was asked out by her that night and immediatly closed Ashley out of my mind falling in love with slender Chasity Grayson also Happy Harris' cousin. So from that point on until life was nothing but amazing. I didn't get high while I was with her but, months later she dumped me and I was indeed smoking up again. Stupid drugs.
At this point Ashley was in Bainbridge, she had moved. I failed the 8th grade because, of "dicipline" problems quite honestly it was just the fact that the stupid teachers hated me and treated me like trailer trash. I lived in a trailer but, it was not trash. Anyways the following year was spent in home school which I failed too because, it was an internet program in which I lied about how many lessons I did everyday so I could hurry up and leave to smolder myself with marijuana. It was all because, of you Ashley...
After my epic mistakes I was sent to Military School were I suffered with mindless rich kids, complaining, moaning, and bitching every five seconds. The only good thing was that I was almost always on honors and quit drugs and alchohol all together or well after an epic event I'm not discussing here and now. As far as the Military thing goes, I consider myself to believe war is necessary as long as there are other people causing it. However if we are the ones starting war I can't say I'm pleased with the decision but, I find myself not being a military person and that's specifically why I won't join the Military but, I'd rather be there than this school because, it's military with out the American pride and a bunch of rich yuppies. Therefore making it a struggle of inzanity for me.
As far as Ashley went I had forgotten her untill one day when I got the normal call from my friend Molly, the only one to stay with me through all this. She was always the sender of bad news. Usually it was about what friends are dropping out of school and how many of them were on crack and such but, today it was different. I'll never forget those words she told me that ugly bad day which was, "James I've been meaning to tell you this but, didn't want to depress you anymore... It seems though I can't go with out telling you this... Ashley... she's dead." Her memory immediatly invaded my mind and I didn't know what to say but good bye.
Ashley Toliver now lived in my mind again just before my last day at Camden Military Academy. I found out later she died in a car crash, At only 16. That was a year ago of course. Everyday I thought of her and hated every moment of it. I loved her more than anything I ever have at one point in my life. Now... now she's dead. It hit me like bricks and there she was again in my head torturing my emotions. This was indeed one of the worst things that's ever happened to me.
You would seem to believe the torture would stop there but, no she wasn't throught with me. A few days after she died I had a dream of her. The realest dream I've ever had. It was as if she was really there. In the dream, I was in a classroom taking a test. I lifted my head to crack my neck and there she was staring at me with those blue eyes. I just remember thinking it's not real, it's not real, she's not there. She told me to follow her out of the class room and I did. There she told me she loved me all along and began kissing me. It seemed like it lasted forever. After the kiss she ran off and said she'd see me tomorow.
I woke up the next mourning in tears and hoped that she would be in my dreams that night once more like she said she would but, she wasn't. I didn't see her again... until the next year at my school when I had forgotten her once more. To me it seems she just doesn't want me to forget her. She wants me to live dying under her smiling image forever, wishing she was mine.
The last dream or what I hope is the last dream I had a couple of months ago as I already said during the time I was at Camden, and it was just me and her and Samantha living in a world of a coroding greek palace. We were gods. The only odd thing about it was here eyes weren't blue in the dream instead they were hazel with a gold ring around her pupils. Now that was the last dream I hope but, I saw those eyes once more when I was at my friend Joshs going through his pictures of her in one of them her eyes were exactly the same as in the dream for a split-second, afterwards they were back to blue. Sometimes I think it was her presence making me remeber her yet, again.
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http://www.millercountyliberal.com/O...5-5-2005.shtml
This is all thats left of her a stupid news letter which didn't even have a picture or a good writer. Stupid south.
otherwise, that was pretty good, despite being sad.
