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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2006
Location: I'm sitting in a tin can, far above the world.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,707
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Sanity Solution- revised and longer
Yah, I decided to keep going. Please tell your opiniong and critique if you wish I'm sure there are probally many mistakes but, It's hard using notepad, after being used to word...
Anyways I hope you like it.
Here I sit in a comfortable, casual, leather seat that all psychiatrists have their patients sit in. They say I need emotional help and yah sure, maybe, I guess, no..... I like myself.... I'm just different. Are we all suppose to be normal? What is normal though? I obviously don't know and if I did, I'd act like it to please these people who state my mind is corrupted by confusion, wait,... no I wouldn't, and.... I don't think I'm confused just out of the box, maybe even more complex but, that's probally not true. Slower is probally the answer but, then again I choose to be like this, I am alive like this. There nothing wrong with being weird in a place were no one is the same.
"Danny, I'm not telling you again, snap out of it." My psychiatrist snapped his fingers and I came back to boering reality for the third time today. "Why do you always zone out like this, have you been tangled into drugs. Is this why you act so odd?... Well Danny?"
"I don't take drugs, other than the ones you give me.... You know the galaxy of multicolored pills in the variety sized orange bottles I am forced to take day by day that slowly drain my life." Even though I was talking I was still only partially attentive, my mind was more captivated by the trees blowing in the wind outside of his rather large window. Sometimes I would just sit and watch my reflection in it, as glowed in the sun light smiling at myself.
"Why do you zone out then? Insomnia, depression, is our medication overly effective on you?"
"I just like to think alot... I guess,... I'm not lonely when I think. I practically live inside of my mind constantly questiong my existance and any small philosophy... I think of beauty the most."
"I'm here so how can you be lonely?..." He had no expression, he was fake. I could tell his job is only a job and I truly mean nothing to him outside of this little square were he sits and try's to work my mind into wanting to change. I believe It's just a pleasurable game to him, a game he gets paid for.
"You are not someone I desire to be with, your existance means nothing to me."
"Well I can understand that... Are you lonely at home?"
"Are you... lonely at home" I kind of let out a little laugh, now amused by watching a bird which has just landed on a tree. It was so beautifull and hypnotisingly euphoric to me.
"This is about you not me Danny." He's right but It seemed to me if he wasn't lonely at home he'd proudly admit it
"Professor Finnly if you are not willing to share your problems why should I?"
"Because, this is your session Danny. I musn't waste your time discussing me."
"Why are you a psychiatrist Professor Finnly? To tell people they are mentally unstable?"
"No, I do it to help people." The bird has finally spread it's wings and flown away. I wish I was just as free. I dream of flying quite frequently. Birds are my one true love.
"What you do Professor Finnly is make people learn what normal is so they can pretend to be it" I paused and yawned for I was getting tired of his words. "They are still the same inside they just act normal because, you make it sound so great. Your a cult leader who doubles his victims depression by giving them the pressure of being sane and insane at the same time... and then you create an addiction towards you that grows so strong they cry everyday because, your not there for more "normal" advice. You think your curing them but,... your only corrupting them...You are the fucking anti-christ."
"Well if this is true what seperates you from them?"
"I don't believe that I am infact insane, I don't let you corrupt me. I'm free like the birds I watch."
"I didn't say your insane you just said it. So maybe it's you who thinks you are insane."
"I think your insane, anyone who treates emotion as a math question should be regarded as insane. There can only be opinionated answers to how the mind works. There is no end sollution to sanity." At this time he had a blank expression and the clock rang. I finally took my eyes off the window and walked out leaving him alone, laughing deeply yet quietly until I saw my mom waiting, I hugged her and we left to the car.
"How was is it Danny? Do you like Professof Finnly?" She was in a very happy mood, maybe something good happened for us, maybe she got a new job position... No, she probally won five dollars scratching tickets again.
"I called him the anti-christ and that made me laugh a little. Besides that it was boring if there wasn't a window in his office to occupy my mind I probally would have said worst things to him.... Why are you in a good mood?"
"Well I had a few good scratch off tickets and took a warm bath and..." She smacked her lips and enhanced her emotion to anger. "I see that your lesson didn't help you any today. You must be his favorite patient calling him the anti-christ and all." She seemed frustrated with me so I just stopped talking completely and looked out the window of the car watching the scenery cassualy blur by and she just watched the road thinking about what she was going to do with a disaster like me.
I got home and sat on my bed, looked out the window, and listened to Bright Eyes a band actually just as odd and strange as me; and at this time I began to think, my only escape from the world is solitude. Privacy from all civilization and it really is quite plausibe now that I think of it. Ayn Rand once said, "Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men. " I suppose my problems sollution lies in this little statment from the great godess Ayn Rand. I hate people because, they are beasts so for a civilized peace with my emotions I will seperate myself from society. I will live in the wilderness with only a computer, food, and camera. I will take pictures of the wilderness and live were no one knows sending in pictures to be published weakly, and that will be my attempt to change the world as much as I can. Also the sollution to how I will pay for food out in the middle of nowere with no job... That of course will be some time from now though.
I took my mind off the subject and began to just stare at the pictures that flooded my walls. Half of them were birds of all kinds floating through the air, staring at them made me feel as if I was floating just the same. Just as free. Just as peacefull. These pictures gave me a euphoric image in life that practically stops my breath everytime I stared up at my ceiling were they flew across the white plaster. They protected me from the world and sheltered me from the immorality all the evil men consist of. I am one of them in a human body reaching out trying to grasp the sky's I know my hands will never reach... Well actually I've flown a plane but, when you're in a plane you're... just... concealed, yes, thats it. You don't feel the wind in a plane... unless the roof starts to shred off from high turbulence which is what I wish for when I'm on a plane...
That night I sat for hours dreaming in a gaze listening to song after song. A normal night for me but, today I knew I was going to go back to see Professor Finnly and this angered me and severly annoyed me, mostly because it was my first thought as I woke up in bed. I hate the ideal of having to see a psychiatrist because, I am against the fact that I need one but, even the truly insane believe their sane... maybe I'm one of those people. No, thats to scary for me to think of. The ideal of being insane and not knowing it... schitzophrenias scarier, I hope I never get schitzophrenia...
Today will be bad I know it. My moms baking star shaped cookies and my little brother Sammy wont stop screaming so I wont be able to drift back to sleep; the mixture of banging pans and screaming babys were far to annoying for my ears.
I got out of bed and dressed myself standing in front of the mirror watching myself put on faded blue jeans, a long button-up white shirt, and 5 year old converses. I had to constantly move my hair out of my eyes, and I don't know why I never go to a barber... no, I know why... I suppose I like it long, yah it's good long. I like it even though it's annoying; eh... who cares I'm no fashion expert. I can't get girls either way.
We went to the pschiatrist office and Professor Finnly had quit, and his secretary said that professor Finnly decided I was fine to keep going on with my life with out a psychiatrist. I had been free'd from his square office and all those stupid little pills I hate so much. I almost hugged the secretary.
My mom seemed happy about it I suppose. I don't think she really wanted me there anyways... to much money. Fot celebration we went to McDonalds, it goes to show how cheesy and cheap my mom is for a women who makes plenty of money in real estate.
"So your free, let me ask Danny. What are you going to do with your freedom?" She looked up and smiled at me.
"I'm going to get more ketchup I suppose... yah, that sounds good." I got up and went to the ketchup counter.
While I was at the ketchup counter I just couldn't decide how many to get. I'd pick another up and keep deciding I didn't want that much ketchup and place it back but, it would always cease to amaze me I'd pick it right back up again, and right before I could cuss at the ketchup out loud making fool of myself and my mom... it happened.
"You should really only take five a sixth one would be way to much." and there I was staring into the eyes of a godess. I just couldn't comprehend why she was talking to me.
"Uh... yah, your right six i...i... isss to much. Five will b... b... be fine." I was completely embarassed and could not keep my eyes away from hers, I thought I was about to cry, and she just smiled and laughed.
"I'm Elsie what's your name?" Se said extending her hand, she kept looking and smiling. I think I was sweating but, wasn't sure... I hope not, that would be really embarassing. I know I was blushing though. Thats bad enough.
"I'm Danny" I shook her hand noticing there was a small peice of paper transfered from hers to mine.
"Have a good day Danny." and there she went out the door to meet her family who was getting in the car.
I walked back to my table or well tried, after the incident I just kind of stood there in shock by the ketchup until a black male with dreds mopping the floor asked me to move. I would have stood there forever if he wouldn't have been moping the floor at that moment.
"What was that about Danny? Who was the girl?" She was smiling at me probally thinking we should order another meal for a second celebration.
"Her name was Elsie. She gave me this." I handed the note to my mom, to nervous to open it myself.
"It's her number Danny. You should call her." I took the note and put in my pocket, we then left because after the inccident I wasn't even hungry anymore.
That night I decided to call her... after hours of thinking about it but, in the end I figured I had to and so I did.
"Hi, Is uh... Elsie there?" I was definantly sweating this time and fear was crawling quickly back and forth through my spine.
"Yah, this is her. Who is this" I kind of stalled but, brought my courage up and continued.
"Danny... the ketchup kid." and after it was said it seemed a weight was lifted from my shoulders.
"The ketchu kid" she yelled laughing a little. "I've been waiting for you to call.
From this point on the telephone conversation was bliss, we seemed to have a lot in common. She was also a freed victim of professor Finnly who's parents also believed in having all their celebrations at McDonalds.Things seemed so great and they became even better when she said three words...
"What's your interests?" I as you can imagine was happy to be able to explain my passion for birds.
"I love birds. I constantly take pictures of them. It's what I live for." I anticipated her supply hoping she also loved birds.
"Aww I love birds, they are a perfect representation of freedom." she then paused. "Do you dream of flying?"
"Yes, of course but, I suppose everyone wishes they could fly." I then stared at all the pictures on my ceiling.
"I know a place were we can fly. Just meet me tomorow on Findle street I'm in the big yellow house on the right."
"O.k. I'll make sure to get the car from my mom." I was exited and in love. I couldn't wait to see what actually she meant.
"Well I have to go but, I'll see you tomorow" and then she hung up leaving me in confusion as to what she meant by saying she knew were we could fly.
That night it was all I could think about, and I swear all the birds on the wall turned into Images of me and Elsie soaring through the sky with great big wings. I curled into a ball and smiled until I drifted into sleep. Waking up almost immediatly the next mourning.
My mom gave me the o.k. to use the car so I grabbed the phone off the wall in the living room, car keys at hand anxious to hurry up and leave. As was my mom, she was happy I was finally getting out of the house to do something productive outside of taking pictures of birds.
Elsie said she was ready to go and told me to hurry while the sky was still beautifull, and I did. I don't think anyone has ever seen a Volks Wagon go that fast in their lifes. If I got pulled over by a cop I imagined he would have complimented me and just told me to drive slower. The windows were down and the wind blew in my hair all the way to Elsie's.
Just as she said there it was a giant yellow house that kind of gleamed in the sunlight perfecting the most beautifull image I have ever seen which, was Elsie walking out the door to come and sit next to me in the car, and so she did, and so we drove for hours. Elsie was taking me to a park off into the country. I knew we wouldn't be back till to late but, I didn't care I was doing it for her. I just wish I knew what she meant by we will be able to fly were ever wey're going but, she ceased to tell me. Wait she said and so I did.
We finally arrived after hours to a park with no name. It seemed abandoned and there was no one here, there was trash everywere and the picnic tables were falling apart, coroded, and destructed. For some reason a weird idea that I've been here before lingered in the back of my head and it was driving me mad just trying to place a time.
"Follow me." She began to walk off into the woods.
It was about a 15 minute walk to a stopping point behind a wall of trees and bushes; and the whole time I was thinking were I've seen this place before. It was driving me crazy. I had to know, the surroundings were so beautifull how could I forget?
"It's right here beyond this bush." She then seperated the bush and I saw it.
Elsie ran up to top of a giant cliff were the sun hovered right above it comforting the forest area with the most beautifull light. This was the place were I fell in love with birds. I remember it so well now. I was on a family trip right after my dads death and I sat on this cliff crying when a bird landed on my shoulder croaked and then flew off. It was so beautifull and I can not explain all the stuff flying through my head at this point.
"come up with me Danny I will show you how to fly." I then ran up next to her staring into her eyes. I then kissed her
"I love you. Thank you for bringing me here" she just smiled and ran toward the end of the cliff.
I ran after and watched her jump off the cliff screaming for my to come fly with her. I jumped in atempt to grab her but, just like that she was gone and I realized it was my own schitsophrenia that brought me to this point of falling down the same cliff that changed my whole life but, I didn't care because, for two seconds I was flying and it was the most beautifull thing in the world.
I hit a small cliff on the way down and it wasn't long enough fall to kill me immediatly, and as I layed there the most beautifull thing happened a bright blue bird landed on a branch around three feet away from me, it was the same kind as the one I saw on the cliff so long ago. I stared into It's eyes it seemed like forever. It was the best thing thats ever happened to me, and all I could do was smile, laughing as I stared into it's eyes until my own closed and I died In the perfect place. You see the solution to curing insanity it the completion of your own dreams. For me... it was flying... O sweet flying.
Last edited by Sigur Rós : 06-04-2006 at 05:10 PM.
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I like the plot though, more therapy cases! This seems to be a nice topic for people to work on, but I sometimes wonder if people have ever been in one of those situations when they write about it...
