Conjugal Rights - Writers Forum

Buschman · 06-02-2006, 11:07 AM

A new role for Tom Hanks – maybe?

Conjugal Rights

by Harry Buschman

Felicia’s mother opened the door cautiously. She gasped in amazement when she saw her daughter and Prince Gowanus standing there. They were married just yesterday! They were supposed to be in Niagara Falls!! They didn’t look like newly-weds at all; they looked very displeased with each other.

She backed into the lavish entry hall in dismay, Prince Gowanus rudely shoved Felicia through the doorway and followed her inside. “Here!” He shouted. “Take her back! Tell your King and his court the wedding is off.”

The Queen did her best to placate the Prince, “... but why Sir Gowanus,” she smiled, throwing her arm around her truculent daughter, Felicia. “Tell me, what can be wrong with you two. It was such a lovely wedding, and our two kingdoms are such good neighbors now, we have settled all our major differences. This marriage was supposed to have been made in Heaven. What on earth has gone wrong?”

“My conjugal rights, Madam... the wench has no conception of my conjugal rights.” Felicia gathered her ermine stole about her ample bosom and rolled her eyes in disgust.

“But that’s impossible, dear boy. She has been trained by experts – even her brother, Prince Wastrel, has assured me Felicia is most knowledgeable in such matters. The entire court, to a man, can vouch for her.” The Queen turned and looked sternly at Felicia. “You didn’t deny Prince Gowanus his conjugal privileges, did you Felicia?”

“Of course I did, Mama,” Felicia replied haughtily, pulling her ermine wrap more tightly about her. “You really didn’t expect me to stoop to such indulgences. A lowly seamstress would not do such things ...” her eyes flashed fire, “Let alone a Princess!”

The Queen was in a quandary. She knew the King would be furious and the relations between the two nations would be set back hundreds of years. How could she possibly heal the breach between these two newlyweds. “It takes a little time, you know... “ she ventured. “I mean getting used to each other and all that. I hope you weren’t too forceful, Sir Gowanus – Felicia is a delicate child you know. Like a flower waiting to bloom.”

“Forceful Madame? Hardly! I asked her politely. I even held it in my hand and showed it to her – “Fairy Tales” by the brothers Grimm. Mother always read it to me at bedtime!”

Rob · 06-03-2006, 05:05 AM

It reads more like a gag than a story, everything has been written to set up the punchline and as a consequence it feels as though little attention has been paid to the writing other than to do just that. As a story you might have chosen a different point of view, for example the daughter's, and told it through the wedding night scene. There's no need for the mother to be in it at all. As a gag no-one really cares too much about all of that, it makes you laugh or it doesn't. If it was written as humour, rather than a simple gag, there would be more to laugh about before the punchline.

Sorry, felt like a weak joke.

Cheers,
Omni