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Sanity Solution
It's very short I'd just like to know if anyone thinks I should keep going with it.
Today I sat with my psychiatrist, a bald man with a smile that I would like to tear off and step on a couple of times just enogh to break his grimy teeth. He's probally never brushed his teeth it's really dsturbing.
They say I need emotional help and yah sure, maybe, I guess, no..... I like myself.... I'm just different. Are we all suppose to be normal. What is normal though? I surely don't know and if I did I'd act like it to please these people who state my mind is corrupted by confusion, no...never mind I don't thing I would act normal if I could and.... I don't think I'm confused just out of the box, maybe even more complex but, that's probally not true. Slower is probally the answer but, then again I choose to be like this, I'm alive like this.
"Danny, snap out of it." My psychiatrist snapped his fingers and I came back to boering reality for the third time today. "Why do you always zone out like this, have you been tangled into drugs. Is this why you act so odd?... Well Danny?"
"I don't take drugs other than the ones you give me.... You know the galaxy of multicolored pills in the variety sized orange bottles I am forced to take day by day that slowly drain my life." Even though I was talking I was still only partially attentive, my mind was more captivated by the trees blowing in the wind outside of his rather large window. I loved the beauty of nature.
"Then why do you zone out? Insomnia, depression, is our medication overly effective on you?"
"I just like to think alot... I guess,... I'm not lonely when I think. I practically live inside of my mind constantly questiong my existance and any small philosophy... I think of beauty the most."
"I'm here so how can you be lonely?..." He had no expression, he was fake. I could tell his job is only a job and I truly mean nothing to him outside of this little square were he sits and try's to work my mind into wanting to change. I believe It's just a pleasurable game to him, a game he gets paid for.
"You are not someone I desire to be with, your existance means nothing to me."
"Well... are you lonely at home?"
"Are you... lonely at home" I kinda of let out a laugh, now amused by watching a bird which has just landed on a tree. It was so beautifull and hypnotisingly euphoric to me.
"This is about you not me Danny." He's right but It seemed to me if he wasn't lonely at home he'd proudly admit it
"Professor Finnly if you are not willing to share your problems why should I?"
"Because, this is your session Danny. I musn't waste your time discussing me."
"Why are you a psychiatrist Professor Finnly? To tell people they are mentally unstable?"
"No, I do it to help people." The bird has finally spread it's wings and flown away. I wish I was just as free. I dream of flying quite frequently.
"What you do Professor Finnly is make people learn what normal is so they can pretend to be it" I paused and yawned for I was getting tired of his words. "They are still the same inside they just act normal because, you make it sound so great. Your a cult leader who doubles his victims depression by giving them the pressure of being sane and insane at the same time... and then you create an addiction towards you that grows so strong they cry everyday because, your not there for more "normal" advice. You think your curing them but,... your only corrupting them...You are the fucking anti-christ."
"Well if this is true what seperates you from them?"
"I don't believe that I am infact insane, I don't let you corrupt me. I'm free like the birds I watch."
"I didn't say your insane you just said it. So maybe it's you who thinks you are insane."
"I think your insane, anyone who treates emotion as a math question should be regarded as insane. There can only be opinionated answers to how the mind works. There is no end sollution to sanity." At this time he had a blank expression and the clock rang. I took my eyes off the window and walked out leaving him alone, laughing deeply yet quietly until I saw my mom waiting, I hugged her and we left to the car.
"How was is it Danny? Do you like Professof Finnly?" She was in a very happy mood, maybe something good happened for us, maybe she got a new job posesion... No she probally won five dollars scratching tickets.
"I called him the anti-christ and that made me laugh a little. Besides that it was boring if there wasn't a window I probally would have said worst things to him.... Why are you in a good mood?"
"Well I had a few good scratch off tickets and took a warm bath and..." She smacked her lips and enhanced her emotion to anger. "I see that your lesson didn't help you any today. You must be his favorite patient calling him the anti-christ and all." She seemed frustrated with me so I just stopped talking completely and looked out the window of the car watching the scenery cassualy blur by and she just watched the road thinking about what she was going to do with a disaster like me.
Last edited by Sigur Rós : 06-01-2006 at 04:26 PM.
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