martyn23

Hair dressing, as far as I am aware is the process where by a paying customer goes to a professional stylist to have their hair groomed. I also understand that what you ask for is what you get. If for some bizarre reason you want to have all your hair shaved off then you are entitled to that, not only that but your hair dresser should make a good job of it. I often see people where this is not the case and they cover up their embarrassment by speaking in a language only know to them, Mohawk!

However, my hair dresser is a little bit zany. I have been going to the same hair dressers now for coming on three years and yet with all my loyalty and my money she still hasn’t managed to cut it how I have asked for.

Unfortunately I’m cursed with curly wavy hair. Something I would sell all my organs to change. I am also aware that my type of hair is very hard to cut. Think about trying to style a sheep with nail scissors and you are about there. However, I am paying for it to be done properly and I’m not getting what I want. I don’t know about you but I think this is an outrage!

I walk in today to find myself surrounded by a bunch of women talking about Easter eggs, something 99.9% of the globes population has no interest in. So it’s rather unlucky that the 0.1% that are were in the hair dressers at the same time as I was. I can’t for the life of me see why people have to talk about eggs of any sort let alone chocolate ones. This didn’t bother me too much though because as experience has told me, the conversation gets even worse.

As I take my seat in the chair of doom and become dressed in a silky robe she begins with here usual question. “How would you like it cutting”? I reply with my usual comment of “just a tidy up, I want HARDLY ANYTHING TAKING OFF”. (The capitals are to emphasise my point, I don’t stand on the swively chair and shout at her face; that would be rude). She replies with “What grade would that be”?

Now, usually I give up at this point and let her go about making my head look like a baboons bottom, but this time I thought I would make my point. So I suggested that she set about it with the scissors.

Two minutes into the cut and already there is enough hair in my lap to help the people that suffer from Mohawk. After five minutes there was enough hair to supply the nation’s balding men. How is it possible to comprehensively cock up trimming a mans hair in such a way you can cure all hereditary hair loss?

After fifteen minutes I looked like a cross between death bed Mike Baldwin and Phil Mitchell. Fair to say then that I wasn’t happy. Anyway, I paid her the money and went home to have a nose bleed, a common occurrence in my life at the moment.

A closer inspection of my hair indicated that not only has she practically shaved my head with scissors, but she has also managed to miss big chunks of my mane. It looks like the Indian Ocean come tide returning time. Furthermore, as I write this, I can feel all the little pieces of hair clawing their way down my back. You see, when she comes to brush all the bits off my neck she has an irritating habit of pulling my collar up and just flicking them down my back. She reminds me of one of those lazy maids you get in sleazy motels where instead of using a dustpan and brush they just sweep it under the bed.

Whilst I’m on the subject of hair dressers, is it me or are the salons more like ovens. I walked in today expecting to find a few filets of chicken and a tray of chips. Obviously with the hair dryers, permer’s, buzzers, scissors and gassing women, there is going to be a lot of heat generated. But please, for the love of all your customers put a fan on. As I sat there I could feel my self warming from the feet up. Or if your on a budget just open the widows and stop talking about “lost”, it wasn’t that good anyway.

I can’t think why she is so mean to me. Maybe it’s because I don’t like Easter eggs?

writenow30

Your narrator's tendency to over dramatize is kind of amusing, but I can't help but wonder why he keeps returning to the same hairdresser if she never does the job right? Other than my frustration with the narrator, it's a quick, easy read that made me smile.

aliceedelweiss

I've always loved your humor

Quote:

As I take my seat in the chair of doom and become dressed in a silky robe she begins with here usual question. “How would you like it cutting”? I reply with my usual comment of “just a tidy up, I want HARDLY ANYTHING TAKING OFF”. (The capitals are to emphasise my point, I don’t stand on the swively chair and shout at her face; that would be rude). She replies with “What grade would that be”?

Her, Cut, Taken. Also, in this paragraph all of the puncuation for the dialog is outside of the quotations, kind of strange...

I also agree with Writenow, why would he keep going to the same girl and place if he's annoyed by her?

awww...now thats not nice, I love "Lost"

Alice

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Chris Miller

I found this very funny. The poor grammar almost has a deliberate feel to it (I assume english is your first language) and so adds to the narrator's hilarious perspective.

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

Atom

Interesting peice, though for me anyways, it wasn't that funny. It also seems a bit unrealistic that he looks at his ridiculous haircut after he gets it, doesn't like it, pays for the haircut, all without making a fuss. The main character should show ALOT of frustration at that point. You did do a good job of showing his frustration and annoyance before the haircut, and when he got home.

Good job and keeping writing.

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I wear my scars like the rings of a pimp

Short Stories:
You Believe Me Right?
The Gallows
Hospital Visit
The Hitchhiker
Knocks
The Nuthouse

I return favors.

Genge

Interesting.
I agree with the grammar corrections that aliceedelwice made but find myself wondering if they were deliberate?
Only problem I see is you'll have trouble making the story go anywhere from here. It's funny, it's well written but does it have a plot? I'd read on to find out.