Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words. |
06-01-2006, 09:22 AM
|
#1
|
|
Scribe
Join Date: May 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 79
|
Recovery Room
Short and sweet ...
Recovery Room
by Harry Buschman
Death stared at the board and moved his pawn to King 4.
“Why are you playing white?” Mr. Duncan said nervously, “It gives you a slight edge you know.”
“Death always has a slight edge.”
“I think it’s unfair,” Mr. Duncan said. “After all, I’m playing for my life.”
“Would you expect to have an advantage over death?”
Mr. Duncan shifted in his seat. “I haven’t played chess in years. You probably play every day.”
Death looked at him confidently. “Sometimes three and four times a day. I moved Pawn to King 4, are you going to play or are you conceding already.”
“Oh no! I’ll play. I don’t have a chance at all if I don’t play.”
“That’s right.”
Mr. Duncan moved his Pawn to Queen’s Bishop 3. “Are we playing by the clock?” he asked.
“No need for that. It’s just a friendly game -- you against me.” Death moved his Knight to Queen’s Bishop 3.
“Wait, can we start over? I know what you’re going to do and I really don’t have a good defense against that.”
“You’re trying to delay the inevitable, Mr. Duncan. You agreed to the operation, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but ...”
“The doctor told you there was no guarantee. Didn’t you agree to go ahead with it?”
“What choice did I have?”
“You could have said no. Some people do - they take their chances. A few months, a year maybe. You wanted more. You lost.”
Mr. Duncan stands abruptly and turns his King over. Death glares at him. “You can’t resign now, we’ve only just begun.”
“You will win. I know you will win. I don’t have a chance.”
“That’s not very sporting of you, you should play the game. Who knows?” Death laughs at him. “I might let you win.”
“No you won’t. You’ll play with me and just when I think I may have a chance, you’ll close the door. I don’t mind dying, believe me - but I don’t want to lose.”
Death stands and the two of them stare at each other. “Damn you! Damn you!” Death shouts at him. He sweeps the men off the chessboard, turns his back on Duncan and walks off.
Mr. Duncan sits again and watches him go. There is a voice behind him, “Mr. Duncan. Awake, Mr. Duncan?”
“Who is it?”
“Good news, Mr. Duncan.”
the end
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 10:25 AM
|
#2
|
|
Mentor
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Fergus, Ontario CA
Posts: 2,529
|
The guy played a Caro-Cann and resigned before his 2nd move! Maybe he should have played a Sicillian. Go might have been a more interesting and universal choice of game too.
Or is the theme here again, it's better not to think?
Interesting story in any case. I like your stuff old man.
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 11:20 AM
|
#3
|
|
Scribe
Join Date: May 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 79
|
“You will win. I know you will win. I don’t have a chance.”
That's it in a nutshell – he should have played on.
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 12:01 PM
|
#4
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: May 2006
Location: New Delhi, India
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,354
|
that is a very well written piece.. different and appealing. good work buschman
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 12:20 PM
|
#5
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 308
|
Interesting, I liked that. The guy cheated death by not playing his little game hehe. (God I hope I didn't just miss the entire point of this story)
One nit-pcik:
“Mr. Duncan. Awake, Mr. Duncan?”
Maybe it shouls say "Mr. Duncan. You awake, Mr. Duncan?"
Most people don't say "Awake name?" they say "You awake name?" or "Are you awake name?" other than this, that was a really good read. keep writing! More importantly keep posting it, so I can read it.
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 12:58 PM
|
#6
|
|
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Oklahoma City
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
|
I enjoyed it, too. It reminded me a bit of an episode of "Six Feet Under", in which Death is a player in a game of poker. I think Death wins in that one, though.
|
|
|
06-01-2006, 01:42 PM
|
#7
|
|
Scribe
Join Date: May 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 79
|
I'm glad the story appeals to you. I don't think death ever loses the game – I think he may play in a way that gives his opponent confidence, but he always makes the final move before mate.
(Most people don't say "Awake name?") I'll have to think about that ...
|
|
|
06-09-2006, 08:02 PM
|
#8
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
|
I liked it  I think it should be "Wake up name" lol. and if he's in a hospital? I've never had anyone wake me up. You usually wake up in recovery either alone or your love one sitting by the bed waiting for you.
Quote:
|
Sometimes three and four times a day
|
or?
Nice  I really did like it, very good idea in so little time!!
Alice
__________________
|
|
|
06-09-2006, 09:58 PM
|
#9
|
|
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
|
I really did love the story, death has always struck me as a sort of cynical type of guy. I do have one critique, however.
You begin in past tense correctly at the beggining:
' Death stared at the board and moved his pawn to King 4.'
But then at the end of the story you move to present tense:
' Mr. Duncan sits again and watches him go.'
If you changed those to past tense it would flow much smoother. I used to do that all the time until my English teacher excorcised it out of me.
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:54 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us:
|
|