gorgeous_red_sewage

one, two, three
lucy's up a tree
her mommy can't get her down
cuz she's crazy

one, two, three
guess what i see
peter being a naughty boy
his daddy hitting

one, two, three
what could it be?
peter running away from home
cuz everybody's hurting

one, two, three
guess what i see
lucy's alone and cutting herself
cuz mummy and daddy are dying

"Look around," the boy whispered, "and cry as everything you thought you knew turns to rot." I stared longingly as his eyes waltzed with the moon. Somehow I knew what he meant. Somehow, in that moment, everything good became huge and in the silence, in the distance, the sea was calling us. Somehow the dusk was no longer scary. And his stillness, so sweet and perfect, cradled me. I felt the snow within me gasp in awe at the wanderlust which he possessed.

Held in eachother's grasp, we giggled and ventured into the woods. The path was beautiful, we had said, but to drown in mud was ecstasy. And soon we were crawling, our bodies filthy and wet, stuckness an arousal as the swamp grew deeper and more wretched. Limbs thrashing as its stomach belched thick bile. Its claws our dungeon.

"I never want to escape this."

And suddenly it all became known

The gate, its rust jagged, scratching bitterly and cutting at the skin.

The walls, weeds latching onto every pore, growing as the cuticle chokes the nail.

The little girl, sick and crying, her body thick with welts, locked under the stairs because she liked a boy and couldn't feel guilt.

Her brother, chained to the stove and force fed vomit because he liked a boy too.

And the little wooden cross on the mantlepiece, a symbol, blood-stained and broken, into it etched words of faith, hope and love.

"A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:34-35)

messianic5

Unfortunately, too many people hide behind religion and do horrible things to people. You are an excellent writer. Your craft of words blew me away. When I first saw the thread starter I wasn't sure what to expect, but you did well.

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Romans 8:38,39-For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the Love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.=D>

aliceedelweiss

thats so...morbid and scary. but real.

It's very good, even if it was a little hard for me to understand

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Jimbob

This is not bad. you have some really arresting images here. It's a bit overblown in places, though. Before you do anything else, I suggest you delete this line. It's purely awful.

>I felt the snow within me gasp in awe at the wanderlust which he possessed.<

Also, a lot of it is overmodified and inappropriatly modified. The gate "scratching bitterly" just doesn't make any sense, whether you're thinking of bitterness as a taste or an emotion.

I like the end though, and I like your use of scripture. You might consider putting the verses from John at the beginning, though. I'm not saying you should do it, just consider it.

Jimbob

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The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Amarisa

Just a few minor things...

"Held in each ( :space: ) other's grasp..."

"And suddenly it all became known(.)"

Oh the irony of scriptures... I liked this a lot. I kept going through and figuring out what all the figurative language could mean. Well done indeed!
I definitely prefer the quote to be at the end because it adds to the irony. If you had it at the beginning, then readers might expect some sick twist to go with it. This way, the twist/irony hits them hard; the title pulls them in and they wonder what it is, and then they figure it out at the end.

I really liked this.