Jimbob

Billy Bob Buzzard was enjoying a squashed raccoon that he had found on a little-used rural road so remote that even most vultures rarely visited it. The raccoon had ripened to perfection, bloated and tender, and so far had been untouched.

Billy Bob had plucked and eaten the eyes, and had just started on the protruding, prolapsed rectum when he looked up and noticed that he had company. He recognized the two greediest, rudest vutures he knew: Dennis Deadmeat and Carolyn Carrion.

"Move over, Billy Bob," said Dennis. "We're joining you for dinner."

'Yeah, said Carolyn. "In fact, maybe you'd better just get over in the ditch. We need a lot of room".

Billy Bob glanced down the road and said "Uh.. maybe you'd better -"


"Shut up, Billy Bob," said Dennis. "You've had your turn; now we're taking ours."

Obediently, Billy Bob took off one more strip from the rectum and moved over to the side of the road as Dennis and Carolyn tore into the raccoon, glaring at each other as they gobbled, each trying for the best pieces before the other could get them.

By this time, they had spotted the fast-approaching SUV that Billy Bob had seen earlier,
but they were both unwilling to be the first to leave the carcass.

"You'd better fly!" said Billy Bob.

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you," squawked Carolyn, around a beakful of guts.

In the last few seconds, Dennis and Carolyn finally took wing. But they had gorged themselves so much that they just couldn't gain enough altitude to avoid impact. Both of them crashed through the windshield at 80 mph.

The vehicle swerved, rolled over, and tumbled side-over-side, then end-over-end down into a deep ravine. Then all was silent.

Billy Bob offered up a prayer of gratitude to the great vulture. Here was so much food that he could come back to feast again and again. Maybe he'd even invite some friends. After all, greed never pays.

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Lorlie

OMG.

I saw the title and thought 'Aww this will be cute'.

I was wrong.

It is not cute, but strangely endearing, and a bit like watching a horror movie while inhaling helium from a baloon.
I enjoyed it.

Lorlie

__________________
I will protect you from the hooded claw, keep the Vampire from your door, when the chips are down, I will be around, with my undying, death-defying love for you. . . FGTH.

Jimbob

Hi Lorlie,
I'm glad you enjoyed my fable. I've watched a lot of horror movies, but I've never tried inhaling helium from a baloon, although I've inhaled a lot of other stuff. I guess it never occured to me. Am I missing something?

Jimbob

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Chris Miller

Helium just makes your voice funny. Now nitrous oxide... Yeah!

Cute fable. Feel bad for whoever's in the SUV.. Guess the moral is don't drive like an asshole on backroads, unless you want it eaten by vultures.

__________________
the fairwriting blogs


"Almost brilliant."
My most recent peer review!

Jimbob

Hi Chris,
Thanks for checking in on this one. I guess the moral of this fable depends on whether you're a human, a vulture, or a raccoon.

Jimbob

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

martyn23

Lol that was really funny. Made me laugh after a long hard day of exam revision! Cheers

Jimbob

Hi Matryn,

I'm glad to hear it got a laugh out of you. Thanks for the read.

Jimbob

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

kevin-v4

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...
A bit disgusting but a good story.

Jimbob

Kevin,
I thank you for your response, but Billy Bob thinks "disgusting" is a speciest opinion.

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens

Sparx

Great little fable. I loved it and what made you think of a name like Billy Bob, that in itself is a work of genius, lol. I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.

__________________

"KNIVES AND RHYMES"

Jimbob

Hi Sparx,

I'm glad you like the fable. As far as the name "Billy Bob" is concerned, I chose it because it alliterates with "buzzard" and also because in the U.S.
It has something of a country boy flavor - sort of an easygoing fellow with good common sense, although not particularly bright.

__________________
The river is moving.
The blackbird must be flying.
Wallace Stevens