Ghost Stories (4 very short stories) - Writers Forum

Perfect_D.r.u.g · 05-25-2006, 05:00 PM

These are true storie that happened to me, I wrote them down to diliver to me english teacher. I hope you like the stories.

It's been more then once that I saw things beyond normal. Yes, I know what you’re thinking - that I'm probably out of my mind. But I know what I saw, and exactly how I felt.

It's been a while since this happened; the first time I ever saw a ghost I was still 13 years old.
At the time I was at my best friends' Grandmother's house spending my summer holiday. The house may seem very friendly at the day light, but when the sun comes down, everything gets scarier.
I had been in the house for a couple of days, and everything seemed to be going normally, until one night when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
As I tend to get scared with everything, especially in the night, I called my friend to come with me.
It was all normal until I left the bathroom with Cat, my friend. As I left with her, I looked behind, because I felt that something was wrong somehow, I felt like someone was watching over me.

I didn't react at the time, I don't really know why, but it only hit me after a while what I had seen. Dressed in an evening white dress, a woman was standing right there at the end of the corridor. I ran to my friend scared and I saw she had also seen her.

Later on that night I was told that the house had been constructed over a former cemetery.

As you know I haven't only seen "them" once, and it happens that the second time I saw a ghost, I was in my own house.

I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was some time around my 9th grade, when I was 14 years old. It's been two years, and I can still remember it perfectly.

The sun had already came down, and we were about to have dinner. I was dressing up at the time, because I had just left the bath, and for some reason I don't remember anymore (not that it matters) I went to my mother’s room.
Once again I felt like something was wrong, but I tried not to think about it too much.
I was still in a towel at the time when it happened.
One second everything was normal, in the other the lights had went out. As I'm terribly afraid of the dark, especially since my 8th grade, I crawled out in a ball near my mothers bed.
Some time passed (it wasn't long, but it sure felt like it) and I decided it was foolish to spend the rest of the time there, so I got up.
When you read a story, or hear about it, you never really know what it feels like when it really happens to you.
As I stood, in from of me, once again, I saw a lady in an evening white dress. She looked so young!
It wasn't even a second until the lights turned on again and I ran off the room.
You can never imagine the feeling; you can never imagine what it is...
I think I ran faster then what I had all my life.

Even if twice seemed quite enough for me, it wasn't exactly that amount they planned on meeting me.

It hadn't been long after the second time I saw a ghost that I saw another one, and even if it wasn't my first time, it was as scary as if it had been.

Once more the sun had already come down, or was about too, I can't remember that..., and I was in my dinning room. Yes, it was in my house again.
This was probably the scarier time, it was much unexpected, for I wasn't alone and I was the only one seeing it.
Me and my parents were about to have dinner, so we were moving from the dinning room to the kitchen to bring the food and such to the table in our dinning room.
When they were about to leave the dinning room where I was setting the table, that's when I saw him.
That feeling of being watched over invaded me again. That feeling that something was wrong... And there really was something wrong.
I looked behind as I heard a ringing sound, like if someone was playing with their keys. Then I saw it.
The ghost stood there doing nothing at all, like if it was staring. And again I took a while to understand what was before me. I could only see his legs, they looked like they were bare naked, and I could see his hands.
(I keep on saying "his" and "he" for I am sure it was not a woman.)

I told my parents, as well as I told my friends. No one seemed to entirely believe it.

This was the third time I had an experience with ghosts. And no, it was not the last one.

So here is my 4th meeting with the other side...

I have to say that between the 3rd and the 4th encounter all sorts of weird things happened. I heard those keys ringing all the time, doors closed and opened, my TV turned on and off by it self and I always had that feeling... that someone was right there behind me, watching me. (I can tell you too, that right know as I’m writing this, I'm having that creepy feeling; I keep on looking behind my back.)

Well one day, when school was over, I went home by myself. It was a very hot day, the sun was shining and the sky was very blue.
The fact that the day was beautiful didn't change the way things were going.
The way home isn't very long, and I normally walk fast, but that day I was very tired and walking slowly, and it looked like I found every red light I could.
I finally got to my house, and I couldn't find my keys anywhere. Instantly I felt that something was wrong. I looked behind my shoulder...
Nothing.
Relived with that sight, I kept on digging my bag looking for the keys, when I heard their ringing.
I opened the door.
When I looked at the stairs I could never be prepared for what I saw. You are never prepared for an encounter...
Before my eyes I saw a boy. Ripped jeans, all stars... could see nothing more. The details I remember now… I think that my mind made them up. Of course I didn't see any all stars, and the jeans weren't ripped (if I go on, I probably didn't see no ghost either).
It was gone not even a second after I blinked my eyes.
I was glad too see the elevator was already there to take me away from that insanity.

Who belives in ghosts anyway...?

aliceedelweiss · 05-28-2006, 12:03 PM

Hi there

I think these four could (put together) make one really nice short story. My only thing is, they give off more of a "story you'd tell to your friends" feel than what would make them interesting. I think if you went through and rewrote it like a piece of fiction it would turn out really good

Either way, you may want to read through it, there are some missing words and stuff. and sometimes your sentence structures confuse me.

Quote:

I can't remember that...,

Like that part, I don't see why it needs to be in there...this seems to be just like a strain of thought and all...

So, my only suggestions is (if you want to make this into a really good idea, because I could see it as possibly being one) go through it and clean it up

Alice

Amarisa · 05-28-2006, 05:26 PM

I agree with Alice on this one. You could definitely put all four stories together and make them into one piece. The first two center around the woman, and all of them center around the "wrong" feeling. This could easily become a very good supernatural story if you went through, made everything flow, put in transition sentences or paragraphs (or whole parts), and made yourself an actual character, not to mention fixing all the grammatical errors. For instance, "my family and I" and do not use double-negatives in a sentence unless you're doing it for poetic effect. You can really do something with that lady being drawn to you, you could make the guy her husband, and then the boy could be their son. Or, if you are really over a cemetary, you might want to do some research about it. Find out what happens to the bodies when something goes over the cemetary, like a house. Do research on ghosts and find out if that would have any effect on them. Construction and remodeling wake them up and then they're around for a good while. The house going over the cemetary probably caused it. And if the bodies were moved, that would make no difference. Ghosts choose where to go, be it their old house or sticking around a burial site after things have changed. Research it. I can see the general story being about the girl freaking out at first and then coming to terms with it. If you make friends with ghosts, then it's just like they become roommates. Sometimes you can even talk with them and they'll answer or comply to your wishes. You have to remember that nothing has ever happened. You haven't been hurt and neither has anyone else. They're just there.

I recommend watching Ghost Hunter (TAPS) on Sci-Fi. You'll learn a lot.

Here's something else for you to think about. You are not alone. I don't mean that as "ooh, look behind you, another spirit!" I'm saying that because you are not the only one who sees and feels things. I'm one of them and I have at least 8+ friends who can do the same thing, if not more. Kindred spirits are drawn together, you know. Anyway, we've learned very quickly that when you talk about it with some friends who are the same as you, things will happen. Half the time they're actually drawn to you. It's like, you mention them and that's all the opening they need. The other half is just your mind playing tricks on you. You have to learn to distinguish between the two. If you're writing about it, it was probably just your memory kicking in and your mind making you feel that "wrong" feeling again. I doubt they were there.

Just a few things to think about.

Perfect_D.r.u.g · 05-30-2006, 02:02 PM

Thanks very much for the comments and critics!!

First of all, Alice, the explanation for those '...' are the fact that those stories are suposed to be read out loud, you know, and thats just marking - how do I put it - the feeling, or the pause, that has to be made, but without entirely interrupting the sentence. Do I make myself clear? Hehe...!

I could do that when I find the time for all the research and all (since now school is taking over my LIFE), I would love to improve it for sure!

Oh, If you could tell me where my mistakes were, I'd apreaciate so much! I'm good at english, but when it comes to spelling... Please, don't burn me for that, I'm bad at spelling in ANY language... Hehe...

By the way... I do have an 'open box', as they say: I can see spirits and feel them. Not only when I talk about them but also when I only think about them. It just happens.
Thought it's been a while since I've been trying the hardest not to have another encounter... I know they can't phisicly harm me, but still...!

Once again, thanks for reading!

TheListenerAndWatcher · 05-31-2006, 11:21 AM

Damn! If I ever came on to something like that, my heart would be pumping, not to mention I would be paralyzed.

Perfect_D.r.u.g · 05-31-2006, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheListenerAndWatcher

Damn! If I ever came on to something like that, my heart would be pumping, not to mention I would be paralyzed.

Hehe, it happens to the best (to become paralysed, that is)!
And yes my heart was racing in my chest and my eyes were wide open. Fortunetly I didn't paralyse, I normaly don't ever paralyse facing fear, I just... React, lol.

I'm very glad you read it. Souns like it sounded convincing (well... it should, it is really!!! xD)... So I'm glad you like it

HelenSpringer · 06-01-2006, 03:51 PM

I liked these stories, seeing as I'm always up for a good ghost story! And i don't think you're crazy with the seeing of ghosts, i see them too, my friend's aunt calls it The 'Third Eye'. Nifty, no?

Amarisa · 06-01-2006, 09:32 PM

Third Eye, The Sight, ESP (Extra Sensory Perception), Sensitivity, whatever you want to call it, those are the names that have been around for years. In this case, I'd call it Sensitivity because you have yet to give us reason to believe you're psychic. Just because you can see ghosts, doesn't mean you're psychic. It means you can see ghosts. Congrats.

Perfect_D.r.u.g · 06-03-2006, 08:06 AM

Thanks for reading thanks and for the comments =]

I never said I was psichic... Though I've 'had' premonition dreams. Is that psichish like? Lol...
Well, I'm just wierd, thats about it! Hehe! I'm a deep thinker above all. I just think that my dreams are coincidence and that e seing ghosts is just my mind playing tricks on me, or the lights that play with my eyes... I don't know, but it's just too wierd for me to belive (hey, not beliving is easier!)

I'm just glad you read the stories and commented, it means a lot.

Fantasy of You · 06-03-2006, 08:51 AM

i didnt read ne1 elses comments so forgive me for backtracking.. ill just say my impression and not spelling and grammer, which was abundent

the stories themselves were extremely boring.. i dont know how old you are, but my brother who is 9 has actually wrote better stuff.. instead of going over 4 stories and making each one equally shit.. focus on 1 and put detail in it.. build tension and fear ect... go into detial about your heart beating ect.. (heart beating is over done but whatever

) have fun and i hope you havent handed it in yet ^_^

Perfect_D.r.u.g · 06-04-2006, 05:12 PM

I understand your point of view, but it's unpleasent the way you put it in. Words like "shit" and expressions like "this-and-that did better" are not nice things to read... So I would apreaceate if you weren't so harsh.
I'm not handing it in anywhere, I wrote them for me and my friends... And thats about it.

Thanks for the reading and critic anyway.

ProudestMonkey · 06-04-2006, 05:26 PM

Fantasy of You - That was one of the most rude, unneccesary and unprofessional comments/critiques/reviews I have ever come across on this, or any other, forum. Since you obviously lack proper etiquette, let me bestow these rules (that you should have read, mind you!) for the sake of Perfect_D.r.u.g and others that may follow:

Reviewers' Handbook
http://writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=35422

I hope upon reading the Reviewers' Handbook, another poster's feelings will not be hurt by your asperity ever again.

mandax · 06-04-2006, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fantasy of You

i didnt read ne1 elses comments so forgive me for backtracking.. ill just say my impression and not spelling and grammer, which was abundent

I love how you're criticizing spelling and grammar when you can't even spell "grammar".

Sigur Rós · 06-04-2006, 05:35 PM

I get those dreams as well, I always think I'm about to die once I see something that I've seen in a dream. I even feel like I'm starting to loose it when it happens. I don't like them at all. My friend Josh once woke up knee deep in a small lake outside of his house about to drown himself. He said he walked back to the house and all the doors were locked. His family didn't understand how they were locked being that he can't lock them back after going outside and they didn't get up to do it. So maybe there was another way he got outside. The answer will never be known... he's lucky he woke up though.