voicesinmyhead

His handwriting is neat.

His handwriting is neat and his columns are straight like long queues of people, waiting patiently for their turn to step forward to be totaled up by his slim, precise figures and then step across the neat black line that he has drawn at the bottom of his list.

In a few minutes, maybe, he will go make another cup of coffee.

In March, 8239 pairs of shoes.
In April, 7985
In May, 8132
In June, 8089

Carry the 2.…

He turns a page, laying the finished sheet neatly at the top of his desk, next the framed photograph of his children. They smile up at him, as if approving his precision, blond, chubby, perfect. It is Peter’s birthday tomorrow and if he works quickly, then maybe he can take off early. But his columns remain commendably neat.

25 trains in March.
27 in April
19 in May

He turns on the radio. Tristan and Isolde. The clashing dissonances and martial clamor seem out of place in the quiet office. Still, he is doing his part, too, as best he can.

And carry the four…that makes twelve…I wonder if we have enough sugar rations left for a decent cake…I hope that Peter won’t be disappointed…It upsets Clara so much when she can’t make things like they were before….And carry the five…do you think I ought to invite Max’s children? Peter and Anna really don’t get along so well, but I do think that one ought to be neighborly…and that makes 124…

He goes and gets a cup of coffee, nodding to people in the hallways. The halls are smooth, orderly. You would hardly know that somewhere out there, there is a war.

In March, 45,218 incoming
In April, 49,512
In May, 39,485
In June, 47,594

What he really wants to do is knock off for the day. Finish the book that he’s been trying to read all week. Go to the pub and have a pint or two, listen to the piano player. But of course, he won’t. He has a job to do. All part of the cause.

His job is to keep his columns straight and his addition accurate.

In March, 42,000 to the gas chambers
In April, 47,000
In May, 38,000
In June, 45,000

He draws a neat line across the bottom of his figures, straight, unwavering, inexorable, then dips his pen back into the inkwell. He blots it twice, each time leaving behind Rorschach smudges that are entirely black.

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My stories:
A Happy Story,Telling His Story,The Beaurocrat

My poems:
Satan,Orientation, For you, Sonnet to War, The Mikvah

Chris Miller

You should remove your disclaimer at the top. First, I doubt it's true. Second, many will read no further. "If you have made no effort, why should I," being the sentiment.

But this time I did read on, and found it very well written. Clearly, you know what you are doing. Its experimental and exploratory nature is also appealing to me. And I love the poetic finish. A clever little flash that embeds the horrific in the human. Very simple and powerful. a worthwhile read.

Again, lose the waiver. You worked on this, regardless of the time you say you spent.

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the fairwriting blogs

Barcelona Review story: http://www.barcelonareview.com/64/e_cm.html

ross

It's good. Nicely done the way that you encourage the reader to become endeared to the character then reveal him to be a piece of the monster.
Yeah, lose the 20-minute strapline.
You have spelt totalled as "totaled" twice, but may be a US spelling thing, I wouldn't know for sure.
Good stuff!

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http://www.writingforums.com/poetry/...-dare-you.html
http://www.writingforums.com/poetry/60590-lucky.html http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...-freefall.html

voicesinmyhead

Thank you both so much. While I really did only spend twenty minutes on this (it's an idea that was brewing a long time before that, however), I will get rid of the disclaimer. Thanks.

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My stories:
A Happy Story,Telling His Story,The Beaurocrat

My poems:
Satan,Orientation, For you, Sonnet to War, The Mikvah

eMb

This is a great story! I enjoyed it entirely; the ending is perfect and unexpected.

I thought he was some sort of statistics analysist for a business or somethin' of that sort.

Excellent!

Hawke

I just wanted to pop in and say that I enjoyed this very much. And that ending... Excellent stuff.

A super read. Thank you.

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Ice Tea Atonach

Although I found it difficult to understand I still enjoyed it, very nasty.

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Latest Works: The Different Ones

voicesinmyhead

Thanks everyone! IceTea- difficult how? I mean, just so that I could possibly clean it up or something

__________________
My stories:
A Happy Story,Telling His Story,The Beaurocrat

My poems:
Satan,Orientation, For you, Sonnet to War, The Mikvah

Ice Tea Atonach

its not your writting that makes it hard but more my lack of knowledge of the world. Sorry if I concerned you or anything.

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Latest Works: The Different Ones