CrazyJill000

I glared through the window, stalking my prey as I hate that she has my ring. I was mugged one fall day outside a Honda dealership. I had just bought a ring, a new car, and some cloths; thank you lotto! Even after taxes, $549,964 comes in handy! But back to my ring, it was 18k gold with a sapphire embedded into it.

Some man mugged me then must have sold it to a pawn shop or something. But I can tell it was MY ring, having OCD I noticed the smallest things on an object and can see it out of 100 others. I fallowed her home from an Olive Garden and rung her doorbell to talk to her:

"Excuse me ma'am." I declared.
"Who are you? Get away before I call the authorities." She told me in an agressive way.
"I just want to ask you a question, i'm your neighbor!" I told the woman.
"Well go..."
"I just want to know, were did you get that ring? I was mugged the other day and I bought that ring. Here, I even have the receipt." I said.
"My husband gave it to me now leave!" She yelled.

I knew, I wasn't going to leave without it. Blood may be shatterd, but I wasn't going to pass on whats mine to someone who didn't buy it themselves. True, I have a lot of money left over but I shouldn't go through the hassle of buying one when I can and will take back whats mine

aliceedelweiss

Hmm... well that was neat I guess. Cloths, is clothes. And Fallow, is follow.

Otherwise i don't think I saw any spelling errors. I think its kind of weird though that the woman, right after answering her door, she says she'll call the police. just a little strange, hm?

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strangedaze

herm. seems a bit hastily posted, what with all the spelling errors everywhere. some assorted thoughts...

- don't fuck around so much w/ dialogue tags, especially adverbs. a simple 'he said' / 'she said' will most likely suffice. the one that stood out most was -

- on the subject of dialogue, its pretty much standard practice so add a comma post dialoge (ie: "The answer is three[,]" she said)

- keep an eye on spelling, like i said. in a piece this short, even the smallest error can screw you over.

interesting story, though. id like to see it expanded.

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His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

kevin-v4

When I saw the title I thought it was going to be about a Japanese horror film.

Nice story.