Open Letter To A Classmate - Writers Forum

MisterSpider · 04-25-2006, 08:44 PM

Dear Female Classmate of Mine,

Perhaps due to my infatuation, I like to read my classmates’ away messages. I am sure that they also love to read mine, which is why I literally spend hours writing and editing new ones to use. (I hope you read last Saturday’s – it was so funny!) Regardless, I could not help but feel disturbed by the one that you posted on Sunday, March 12, 2006.

Scrolling my mouse – or pointer, or what have you – over your screen name, I noticed that your away message read, “shower.” I am not going to lie; the prospect of you taking a shower did cause slight excitement, but the thrill was cut off when I realized that you had been away for two hours and fifty-seven minutes.

I am not concerned with your extended absence from the computer, but I am worried about how much water you wasted in those three hours. Three hours is a long time for a shower. Even after vivid mental recreations of your possible shower time follies, I could not imagine an activity that would require so much time in the shower.

I want to briefly tell you about the future. More specifically, I want to tell you about the future of water. I am sure that you know that water is very important. I bet you also know that both of us are 63-66% water. That’s individually, not combined. What you most likely do not know is that water is running out. As hard as that may or may not be to believe, it is true. You might just wake up tomorrow and have no water to take a shower. Woah! Calm down, I was only theorizing. I promise that there will be water in your faucets when you get home. But one day, maybe in the lives of your children, the faucets will run dry, and I bet that you will feel like a little bitch for wasting all that water during your lengthy teenage cleansing sessions.

Anyway, I appreciate you telling your fellow AIMers about your personal hygiene habits, but from now on, try to shorten your showers. I will do the same, because if we all do a little something to save water, we will ensure a bright and hydrated future.

Love always,
Mr. Spider

Pawn · 04-25-2006, 11:53 PM

The postscript is unnecessary.

Regardless, an entertaining and well observed piece with some, albeit simple, impact.

dwellerofthedeep · 04-26-2006, 05:42 AM

Not exactly what makes me laugh out loud but it gave me a smiles so I liked it.

Chris Miller · 04-26-2006, 10:56 AM

I thought it was funny. Also very well written, grammatically and as a letter. His conflict with fantasizing about her in the shower and reaming her out for wasting water is what made me laugh. But then it starts to get pretty preachy and loses some of its impact, both sexually and environmentally. A few specifics to add to his general assertion that water is running out would go a long way. So would a few specifics re the shower scene. This conflict and concern is what defines the narrator. You don't want him coming across as anal.

But an easy, interesting, humorous and worthwhile read. Thanks.

the_stand · 05-30-2006, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MisterSpider

I am sure that you know that water is very important. I bet you also know that both of us are 63-66% water. That’s individually, not combined.

This would actually remain the same even if combined.

Yes. I am an anal tw*t.

aliceedelweiss · 05-30-2006, 11:39 AM

really cute. I love how at first I thought it was going to be a love letter (he was excited by her being in the shower) but NO he's concerened about water! too funny!

Alice

writenow30 · 05-30-2006, 04:12 PM

Hilarity with a message! I enjoyed it. I could see it going into a collection of humorous essays which, based on that one, I'd be very tempted to buy. Good job!