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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 04-17-2006, 09:19 PM   #1
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Sock is on a distinguished road
Did You Think You Could Escape?

From the balcony you could see the beach, sandwiched between an outdoor bar and the ocean, crawling with intoxicated college students on spring break. On the steaming sand couples shared towels and sat on lawn chairs, beer in hand. Joe would have no part in this. He was to immersed in his safety to leave the hotel for a moment. Instead he sat at the two-person table, in the corner beside the glass sliding door. With the Mexican humidity the room was like a sauna. Joe sipped Jack Daniel’s from the bottle. His five o’clock shadow had transformed into a thin beard. His hair was twisted into a mangled mess, contrary to its usual slick appearance. Despite his paranoid efforts, Joe had drifted into a light sleep. The type of sleep that if he woke from it, he would have no idea it had ever happened. A cigarette dangled in-between his lifeless finger tips. He didn’t even hear the glass door open.

The man from the balcony walked casually, yet silently, over to Joe. He took a seat in the chair opposite to Joe. The man sniffed in a spasm and Joe’s eyes exploded open.

"Christ!" Joe gasped, gawking at the man before him. He glanced at his colt revolver that lay on the lone queen-size bed. Even though he see the man’s gun yet, he knew immediately the was most definitely going to kill him. "How the hell did you get in?"

"I’ll tell ya later. First, you gotta answer my question… did you think you could avoid this? Run from the inevitable?"
There was silence. It spoke louder than words. There was a knock at the door.

"Just a minute Joe…" The man spoke, walking to the door, unlocking a series of locks. "Got the place locked up don’t cha’ Joe," He laughed, " Didn’t think of the balcony, you’d be amazed how easy it is to climb from balcony to balcony."

He opened the door and two buff men entered the room. One took a seat on the bed, picking up the revolver and sitting in its spot. The other took a seat
on the chair by the bathroom.

"My name is Harry. And these are my padres… I’m not looking for money, or goods. I’m simply here to ask a couple questions and be on my way. Hunky Dory?"

"What do you wanna know?"

"Where are your partners? Before you answer that, I mean your business partners. The fuckers that helped you knock over a safe in a house in North Hollywood two weeks ago."

"I don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about jim!" Joe wheezed.

"Right. Its perfectly normal for a man to be sleeping in a chair, loaded revolver near by when someone isn’t trying to track him down… Cut the shit."

"I have no idea…"

"Okay." He pointed to Joe carelessly. The two buff guys grappled Joe down as he attempted to get up. Harry walked over to Joe and sat down on the chair again.

"I know a lot about killing people. A lot... And one thing I’ve found is that the most painful spot to shoot some one, or to get shot rather… is right in the base of the spine. Right above your fat sweaty ass. I’ve killed a lot of people. People much stronger, wealthier and ultimately more powerful than you. You are a bug next to me… and I’m the exterminator and this gun…" Harry said pulling out a silenced 9mm pistol and pointing it smack in the middle of the Joe’s face, "This gun is a can of bug spray!" Joe tried to move once again but the men kept him pinned to the chair. "I like to use the silenced pistol… not because I’m scared of setting off the wrong guys… but because I like the thought of making it so quite… no one hears it when you die. No one searches… it takes them a long, long time to find you. Then again… I do like it loud and messy… Let me ask you this Joe: Have you ever wondered what the insides of a human body looks like? I mean, I’m sure you’ve seem diagrams in science class and seen em’ spill all over the ground in science fiction movies but… Do you ever wonder what they really look like? I myself wonder what a human lung looks like, out of the chest."


"Oh fuck!" Joe cried frantically trying to wrestle from the grips of the two men.

"Take him to the balcony…" Harry ordered. Joe was dragged through the sliding glass doorway while being repeatedly punched in the stomach. The two men hunched him over the edge of the taupe brick. The bar below suddenly made Joe nauseous. The cold steel barrel of the gun pressed up against the back of his head.

"You see that pretty pink umbrella?" Harry hollered, referring to the umbrella that stretched over the picnic tables around the bar, "Well, your bloods gunna turn that pink an ugly red if you don’t start talking!"

"Oh god! I… I don’t know!" Joe fought with his emotions before making a horrible mistake.

"All right shit head… you have ten fucking seconds before I turn your brains into nacho cheese!"
Joe turned wildly in, imprisoned by man power.

"one, two, three"

Joe cried out the beginning of a "help" before Harry popped a bullet into Joe’s tailbone. "FUCK!"

"Four, five, six…"

"Okay! The addresses and names are in my briefcase under the bed!" He wept.

"Thanks…" a second bullet speared through his head, sending blood raining down on the pretty pink umbrella.
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Old 04-17-2006, 09:27 PM   #2
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Just wanted to make a gangster scene
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Old 04-17-2006, 09:58 PM   #3
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I enjoyed reading this story.
I felt like I was watching a fun action/mystery movie.
It kept my interest.
However, I'm left feeling like I read only the final chapter of a book.
Now I want to know how Joe got into this postition in the first place.
So, this short story has potential for expansion, in my opinion. As-is, I think more needs to be told. What you have written is an excellent start.
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Old 04-18-2006, 06:57 AM   #4
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I agree completely. Writing this, I got a whole big idea for a caper, spanning to about 15 pages. I'm not sure if I will go through on that, but I will definitely expand, thats for sure. Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-18-2006, 08:35 PM   #5
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explaining things after being shot in the base of the spine? the most painful place to be shot? you sure he wouldn't be in throes of agony, instead of telling them where the addresses were?

besides that, marvelous.
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