cellardoor

"I don't know. I fucking miss her so bad." My fingers beat the side of my styrofoam cup, trying to distract me from my thoughts. No such luck.

Dave has never had any patience for my fucked up ideas about love. "Why? Dude, she lied so hardcore about everything. You said you hated her, she was a bitch, and you do, because she is! You were right! She's a horrible person!" The old ladies in the booth over turned their heads around at him, squinty eyes saying every curse word their senility had made them forget. I poked my tongue out and gave her the devil's horns over Dave's shoulder.

I focused back on Dave. "I know. I know. But i just remember holding her, and that's.. I miss it more than anything I can remember."

"Didn't she mention that? How bad she felt about kissing you on the cheek and stuff, because she tought it made you like her?"

"Well, yeah, but-" The waitress arrived- it's funny, how food arriving is like pressing the pause button in a video game. When she left, I picked up exactly where I had left off, now with a cheese croissant in hand. "But me liking her had absolutely nothing to do with the physical stuff. I liked her for the mental stuff. The physical stuff just represented how she felt. Every hug was just whispering "I love you, I love you, I love you." I took a huge bite out of the croissant.

"Well, yeah, she loved you and stuff, but she never really meant it the way you did, did she?" Dave took a long swig from his coffee.

I swallowed my bite, thinking of the nights I had been unable to sleep because of her, how she invaded every single corner in my brain, how everything about her called to me. I thought about finding out how she lied. I had never been so angry in my life when I found out. I'd never been so betrayed, never realized how important loyalty was to me. I had a sip of coffee. "No. She didn't. And then she fucking ruined everything." I took a bite of croissant, swallowed. "I guess she's just a bitch."

How many times have I had to remind myself of that in the past month?

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If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.

Taz

Truth be told I didnt get past the first few paragraphs as it just didnt grab me the language put me off a bit but hey thats just me try re thinking the beginigng and see where that takes you.

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With passion and enthusiasm we shall succeed!

eggo

Hey Cellar,

A couple of spelling mistakes. The dialgo started out very believeable, but faded a bit as time went by.

Here a bit confusing

A little too feeling oreintated for guy conversation.

The dialog was very true to life otherwise.

Thanks

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kalibantre

the i love you i love you thing got me too, just didn't feel right. Most guys while feeling it wuldnt chat to their mate about it over brekky..

but I liked it, as always my beautiful thing.. just hope it wasn't a little too close to home.. I liked it it felt natural for the most part, and everything flowed. The language I felt worked superbly.

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~kitty

cellardoor

thanks guys

you're right about the weird spots in the dialogue.. too touchy feely to be realistic

i'll rework it

btw kitty!!!!! hi!!

__________________
If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.

johnnywraith

The story reminds me of the time I was eating breakfast at Denny's with friends, hungover, eating 2 Grand Slams and finishing what my buddies didn't eat, smoking, drinking thick cold coffee, the night after a big party in which I'd slept with some cop's wife.

The only difference is that I admired her even more after I realized she wasn't really a single college student, working on her Psychology MS, as she had claimed.

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www.johnnywraith.com

kalibantre

hey!! *waves frantically*

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~kitty

cellardoor

haha, johnny

wb kitty

__________________
If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.