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Short Stories Short Stories, usually between 500 and 2000 words.

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Old 03-09-2006, 09:55 PM   #1
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Carl Ray and The Easy Squeeze

This is the beginning to a longer prose piece I'm planning, but I'm also expirementing with the short short and this is one I've kind of polished. .

Please feel free to torture, mock, mame or in other ways mutilate my piece. I enjoy it.

----------------------

Carl Ray and the Easy Squeeze

She had seen the ghost before, an aged apparation that trailed old whiskey and sour moan behind him, forever searching for his long lost love among the rooms of the hotel ruins. Alina was hardly afraid anymore, curious enough to stick around this late in hopes of catching a glimpse of him after learning of his infatuation with the long gone Easy Squeeze Hotel.

They'd called it the Easy Squeeze because the liquor was the best bootleg in town and it was easy to squeeze your wallet's worth into you. No one knew why he'd haunted that place, why Carl Ray had chosen to lay his spirit some six hundred miles from his grave and spend eternity among rotting wood and broken glass.

Either way it was clear to her, the long lost love he craved wasn't a woman.
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Old 03-11-2006, 03:21 AM   #2
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hey a.jordan,

Love the title.

It sounds interesting so far. I wonder how Alina and Carl Ray will react with each other and why Carl Ray is haunting the place.

I think the second sentence is bit clunky. I think you tried to say too much in one sentence there. Read it aloud and see if you stumble.

Also wondering why you started the story with "she' instead of "Alina". Was there a reason for that? Just curious since I usually introduce my characters name from the beginning.

Quote:
Carl Ray had chosen to lay his spirit some six hundred miles from his grave and spend eternity among rotting wood and broken glass.
I like this sentence. especially the part from eternity to the end. Nice details theer.
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Old 03-13-2006, 11:20 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gohn67
hey a.jordan,

Love the title.

It sounds interesting so far. I wonder how Alina and Carl Ray will react with each other and why Carl Ray is haunting the place.

I think the second sentence is bit clunky. I think you tried to say too much in one sentence there. Read it aloud and see if you stumble.

Also wondering why you started the story with "she' instead of "Alina". Was there a reason for that? Just curious since I usually introduce my characters name from the beginning.


I like this sentence. especially the part from eternity to the end. Nice details theer.

I agree about the second sentence and I appreciate your comments.
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