A conversation - Writers Forum

Haruka · 03-06-2006, 02:02 AM

A conversation

Not really looking for a particular review or critique. Just sharing.

Can you guess who is talking?

“I don’t like you,” said Luffy.
“Well, I don’t like you either so live with it kid” Shin retorted.
“Stop scratching the door, it doesn’t work”
“It gets their attention”
“The wrong kind of attention”
“Shut up”
“You shut up”
“I’m cuter than you!”
“Yeah, but I was here first so, Ha!”
“So? How old are you anyway?”
“…..none of you business!”

Uncomfortable silence.

“I’m allowed into the house”
“So? See that girl right there? The one with long hair? Well, she ‘always’ starches me in the right place”
“So? They always carry ‘me’ around”
“Because you’re annoying”
“Because ‘you’ annoy ‘me’!”
“Beat it kid!”
“Ouch!”
“Whiner”
“Bully!”
“Baka”
“What?”
“What? Don’t you have inheritance? Race? Pedigree?”
“…no. But I don’t brag about it!”
“Shut up”

The Akita dog bit the smaller Shih-Tzu/Maltese interbreed softly on the back, but enough to make the smaller dog yelp and run. Smirking inwardly, Shin sat primly at the see-through kitchen door that led to the backyard, expecting his morning scratch and Luffy’s morning hugging. Yeah, bigger wasn’t always better, but it certainly had it's perks.

gohn67 · 03-07-2006, 01:19 AM

Nope, I couldn't tell who was talking after a while. They seemed very similar in character and how they acted. But it is interesting how the Akita acts like the Shih-Tzu/Maltese. I would expect the Maltese one to act like that, kind of childish way.

Interesting experiement. There's this old hemingway story that does something like this where he confuses the reader on who is talking. It's called A Clean, Well Lighted Place.

Haruka · 03-10-2006, 09:55 PM

Gee, Thank a lot ^^ I didn't really think someone would comment on it but it is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much Gohn.